Those of you experienced with threesomes?

Question

Ok first those of you against threesomes etc please dont answer. I know not everyone agrees with open relationships and I am aware of the reasons why.
My boyfriend and I have been together a long time and have had threesomes before. We are both fine with them as long as all the rules are followed and everything has always been ok. However tonight he asked me if I would be willing to have a threesome with his childrens mom. I am really messed up on this one. To me its one thing to have a threesome with someone else and its another to have one with "her".
My question for men is why would he want to do it with her and I? He says its because he knows she is open and he doesnt have any other females right now that would and he wants to do it again.
My question for women is would you do it?
Its always been better for us to do it with someone more impartial. And I dont know how I feel about seeing him with her again. Help!!!

Answer 1

My experience with threesomes is that of being the "third" in the situation with a couple who had very strict rules, which is the only reason I participated. It was an enjoyable experience because there was no jealousy or emotion involved and these people were not regular parts of my life. And the couples philospophy was that I was added spice to a relationship between them. It was all very healthy. I would not want to participate in one with my ex and his new girlfriend, there would be to much emotion involved to make it healthy. Nor would I want it to be with someone who has claims on my significant other in the form of children. I think that would lead to confusion, pain, and an unhealthy strain on the relationship. So, to answer your question, no, I wouldn't do it. As to his reasoning, guys often don't really think about the ramifications of what they say or do the way women do. He honestly may just want to do a threesome and the fact that she's a willing participant is enough, without it meaning anything more. But that does not make it a good idea. I'd suggest you tell him that you would feel uncomfortable with her as a third partner and while you trust his feelings for you, the fact that they share children means that they share a bond. Sex, including sex with a third person, is your special thing and you don't want to share that with her. And if he still doesn't get it, ask him if he'd be cool with watching you have sex with your ex. If he's reasonable and a descent guy, he should understand. There are also ways to meet people who share your attitude about threesomes, swingers groups or bars (discrete ones), where you and your boyfriend can meet the right impartial person to enjoy. When you say no about the ex, suggest that maybe you and he should actively try to meet someone by checking out these places. Also, a good source book for people looking for advice on open relationships is The Ethical s**t (missing letters are l and u). I forget the author's name, but its really good at tips for keeping a healthy open relationship. I found it at Barnes and Knoble one day. Good luck!

Answer 2

From a man point of view a lay is a lay,but don't know about the X.From a woman point I don't think it would work for any one of the 3.I am a man been in threesomes before but not with some I used to love or have children with.Tell him no don't think this one will work out for you,don't want to see you with your children mother she is off limits.Don't you think for you two to settle down and be with each other only.Is it you that likes women or are you trying to keep him happy or does he like men also.My younger life was women only had fun but it gets old not fun anymore women cant follow the rules had one I live with one that wanted to live with us both one had to go so I did sounds like the same you might have to go if this gets started.BE SAFE HAVE A FUN AND HAPPY LIFE>

Answer 3

I, being a male, would personally like it. As long as all parties are ok with it of course. The idea of two women in a sexual setting is probably every man's fantasy.

I don't know your situation concerning the other woman but if you're comfortable with it then go for it. I just wouldn't make it a common thing. Allowing her to come back into his life sexually this way could have negative effect on your relationship.

In the end it's all about what you're comfortable with and what you can handle.

Answer 4

See...if you are not the type of people who discriminate sexually...then why start discriminating now?

If you have some discrimination, then you might wonder why it is there in you, where it comes from and what purpose it serves in life.

Love means exclusivity. That you possess and allow yourself to be possessed by one person, and don't want any other.

That you are not satisfied to be with eachother exclusively means you are not in love and that you are not satisfied. You will not find satisfaction and ultimately you will lose your mind and heart.

That your feelings are pricking you in relationship with this NEW proposal means that you have a spark of love in you for this guy (though he clearly does not have for you), yet it is not very strong as your triads have greatly drowned it out.

Once you cross the line, then it is very difficult to come back. You are in the realm of lust, and in that realm anything goes.

You say "open", and to you real love (as defined above) may seem confining. It admittedly is. But that's the only way to relish it truly.

Love is the most priceless gem.
Lust is a dime-a-dozen.

Hope this helps!

Answer 5

You should not do anything that makes you uncomfortable. The situation you describe is exactly why threesomes can be dangerous to your relationships. Simply put they create jealousy,which can act like a cancer on your love life. Be sure your love can survive before you agree to go any farther.

Answer 6

One of our rules is "no ex's". It just opens-up old wounds, and as you know, it can be threatening to your current partner. Besides, one of our rules for getting naked with someone is that we have to have chemistry. For example we ask ourselves "If it weren't for sex is this somone we'd be friends with." With ex's there is usually too much bad water under the bridge.

We know of one couple with an open relationship that the husband does still have sex with his ex-wife, and his current wife is fine with it. So it can work for some. For us, we left that relationship a long time ago for a reason and we are not in anyway pining to be with them again.

It sounds like your boyfriend still has some unresolved feelings regarding is ex (as I believe our friend mentioned above does).

But as said, for us, "no ex sex".

Another rule swingers follow, and every couple should is "If it doens't work for either one of you, than it doesn't work for both of you." Obviously this doesn't work for you, so your boyfriend should respect that, respect your feelings, and drop the subject. That is what love is.

Answer 7

It sounds like they still do it all the time. Tell him that you prefer someone else to join, because if he wants to have a threesome you don't need to be involved in their reunions. If if it's a first time for you it should be the first time (someone new) for him too.

Answer 8

i would say, hold out and dont do this one...it is only good if both of you are comfortable and im sure he wouldnt do it with your childs father, had you one....i think its a blessing to have a girl willing to do threesomes anyway and if you feel uncomfortable on this one...to bad, he can find someone you both want.

Answer 9

Not that i am into threesomes or anythin but i just wanted to say that it seems to me dat u do not like the idea of "her" being involved just becoz she was married to him.....this could be because u think of her as a threat.....and who wudn't......it cud be very uncomfortable for u....so do the right thing and tell him dat u r not up to it.....and the question of why he'd want to do it with her.......ask him. if i were u i wud not do it.

Answer 10

I had one threesome but for all the wrong reasons.

It destroyed one friendship and damaged the other. My feeling is if you wish to do this, make sure you understand why or you could end up like me