i am moving away from my parents..they dont want me to leave?

Question

i am moving to another state to be with my high school sweetheart; my mother doesnt want me to leave...i need to leave i am 21 and i have a promising future...i want to go through the struggle of life like everyone else....
what should i do..i need some advice

Answer 1

i think you should make your own decisions, not let your parents make them and it is time for you to get out of the house and this is a good time and reason to leave, you do need to start your own life, all parents have to let go, just make sure you visit them every once in a while

by the way thats really romantic, moving with your highschool sweetheart!!!

Answer 2

I am a mother of three, 22, 21, and 20 who has two small children. As a mother I didn't want to see any of my children leave especially for another person in their lives. But all of them have left home the youngest one this week (leaving the children with us as it was a wise choice on her part). For me the girls leaving was the hardest, I think as a mother we never think our babies are going to grow up and want to live a new life. As a mother I suggest you let your parents know your plans and goals and take the step forward and move out, even though as parents and mothers we feel hurt for a bit, but then it grows into a special pride of our children. Follow your heart and your dreams, and remember your dreams were built from your up bringing.

Answer 3

I got married at 21 and should've listened to my parents. They knew he wasn't right for me. But I got so caught up in being a "grown up" and doing "my own thing" that I didn't listen. I say give them a chance to tell you why they don't want you to go. Parents have lived life longer and know a little more. Really try to listen with your brain and not your heart and see if what they have to say contains valid points. If they do then try to talk it out with them and show them you are a mature adult who can talk things out rationally.

It is your life at this point and you should do what will make you happy but make sure you have thought of everything before you pack up and move.

Answer 4

You have to experience life for yourself. Of course your mother isn't going to want you to leave but you can't put your life on hold forever. It is time to face the world. But be careful what you ask for. No one wants to go through the struggle of life. It's ugly, harsh, and does not discriminate. Just say that you are ready to branch out on your own. Good luck and be safe!

Answer 5

Well tell your family that you love them but you need to move on with your life and that will always be a part of your life but like you said he is your high school sweethart so I would go for ir make a run for your love... Your not a baby no more so get your stuff packed tell your family your sorry that they dont want to let you go but you need to get started on your own life..

Answer 6

if your struggle of life is with your high school sweetheart then is worthless am not sayin dont move,but not out of state cos u will one day come back with a broken heart

Answer 7

Now that you're 21, it may well be time to start out on your own. But I notice that you haven't told us WHY your mother doesn't want you to leave... is it possible that she has good reasons that you're choosing to ignore, and you left them out of the question so we'd give you the answer you want instead of the answer you need?

Still, you're going to have to leave sometime. So if there are other issues your mom brings up, add them to the question or PM me and we can look at them reasonably.

Now, assuming that you're going to have to leave sometime, what makes you say you have a promising future? That's the place to look now. It's both where you can start living that future, and also where you can make some headway with your mom -- have you thought about how you're going to make money, where you're going to live, how much it costs in the new state, etc. etc. etc.?

(And you HAVE to ask yourself those questions before you get on the bus -- there's going through the struggle for life, and there's shooting yourself in the foot. It may be time for you to leave, but it's also just barely possible that your mother is right...)

See, here's the thing. If you're 21, you are legally an adult anywhere in the United States. And going through "the struggle of life like everyone else" is really what it's all about. In the final analysis, it's all we have in life. But there are things you can do to make that struggle harder, or to make it easier. And maybe, just maybe, your mom is making some suggestions that are going to give you a little edge in that struggle. So I'd recommend listening for that in what she's saying.

And maybe she just isn't emotionally ready to say goodbye yet. That too is natural -- she's spent the last 21 years protecting you from the bumps and scrapes of the struggle of life, but the truth is that you have to feel those bumps and scrapes to learn how to get back up and keep moving. In the end, we only really learn from our own mistakes -- but that still doesn't keep us from telling our kids not to eat bread with green fuzz or not to pet a snarling dog.

What YOU need to do is listen for where your mom is reluctant to let you go, and where she's giving you advice -- even if it doesn't sound like it -- that's going to help you out when you start on the struggle of life.

My oldest daughter turns 19 next weekend, so I have some sympathy for what your mother is going through. But I've been aware, since she was a baby, that one day I was going to help her put her clothes and blankets and stuff into a car or a truck or a trailer and send her off to live on her own. And all the love, heartache, late nights, help with homework, college tuition checks, arguments, birthday parties, and goodnight kisses -- no matter how bitter or sweet they were to me at the time -- were really all about getting ready to pack her off to go be on her own.

So... Yes, you need to leave, and yes, you're 21. But have a little compassion for your mother. It's a hard time for her, and she's going to need help to get through this. Take a little time, go off by yourself somewhere, and think of all the things she's done that helped you get here -- things she taught you that helped you mature to the point that you're capable, responsible, and ready to be in charge of your own life. Then sit down with your mom and thank her for all that. Sincerely, from the heart -- not like you're trying to win points to prove you can leave, but speaking from truth and love and gratitude.

Something else -- you mention parents in the subject but only your mother in the detail. How is your father taking it? There's something very special between fathers and daughters, especially if you're the first to leave home. Do something similar with your dad -- think of something he taught you, whether it was how to change a tire or how to cook an omelet or how to tell the difference between wild blackberry leaves and poison oak, and go for a quiet walk with him before you leave. Let him know you appreciate him for all he's done to get you to this point, then just look him in the eye and, with the same honesty and compassion you showed your mother, tell him it's time.

Answer 8

You have every right to your own life. Do what you need to do.

As the parent of 5 grown children, I can tell you that I love and cherish every moment that I spend with them. You spend every moment of every day of your child's life, taking care of them, making sure they are healthy, happy, safe, and loved. It seems like all of a sudden they are grown and you look around and wonder what happened? Just a moment ago, they needed me. I was everything to them - they looked for my help, my guidance and my love. Now, they don't need me anymore. They want to go off on their own - what is that? What do they mean moving away from me?

Heck, I had trouble when each one of my kids started school! The teacher would now be the one to be with them and she didn't know their needs like I did. What if they fell and hurt themselves, what if they got bullied, what if, what if, what if?

These are thought all parents have. We all want to hold you close, protect and keep you safe and yes, we want to enjoy your company too.

It's a difficult time for parents and grown child to move on with life. But life is change and we must understand, we must grieve for the childhood that is no longer there and we must learn to move on.

You need to fulfill your life, you need to move on and get on with whatever is calling you. Your parents will get over it but be gentle with them - they love you very much and will miss you very much. Assure them of your love, assure them that you will call and you will email and you will visit.

God bless all of you during this transition period.

Answer 9

Just tell your mom that you would like to experience life to the fullest and that it's about time that you leave from under your mother's "wings" and make a path for yourself out in the real world...hopefully she'll understand....just tell her you'll call often

Answer 10

Talk to your mom about your need for space and finding your own way. Its important for parents to protect their children, but its more important for them to let their children go.