Ok here is the thing. I have been with my boyfriend for over three years. As a person he is a great guy. He is kind, loving, funny, sweet. As a boyfriend he is those things at times and not so much at others. Well thats not my thing. This year has been very hard for us for many different reasons. A few weeks ago we went through some things and sat down and discussed our relationship. He said he had very mixed feelings and that as a person I am awesome but he isnt sure about our relationship. This totally crushed me and for the couple of weeks I did everything I could to get us back to what we were. I really put more into this relationship then either of us have in over a year. But then this past week I realized that I am not sure thats what I want. I think we both got comfortable with eachother and I would love to keep him as a friend but as more then that I just dont know anymore. So this past week I have backed off again...continued I will add more details in a minute!!!
2006-12-02 14:56:42 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
So anyway this week is back to what we were. But now the past couple days he has been saying and doing things and letting me know he wants to try to make it work. Its like when I thought it wouldnt I tried to make it but now that I think it will I am not sure if I want it to. Back when this first started a good friend told me that in relationships you fall in and out of love with the person over and over again and the key is to not fall out of love at the same time. I think this is kind of that. Thing is I do love him still a lot. I just dont know if I want the relationship. Do I hang on and give it awhile longer and just see? I am not dragging him along we have been friends years we know eachother and know that we would be friends no matter what. Do we just go back to being friends? Part of me really wants to make it work. But like I said the other part of me-especially now-doesnt...at all. Help!
What do you do???
2006-12-02 14:59:38 · update #1
Tough one. I can relate. You articulate the situation very well.
My advice: separate for while. There are some problems that each of you has about the other and about yourselves. You need to get away from each for a while to sort it all out. Date others. Or, don't date anyone. Suite yourself. Get involved in things that you might have been putting off because you were "attached" and "committed". Have some fun.
After about six to eight months or so, contact each other again. If there are still lingering doubts and the spark is gone, it wasn't meant to be.
Sometimes this happens. It happened to me. I still have fond thoughts of the other person, but there were just too many ifs and buts, if you know what I mean. We've both married and moved on.
You'll figure it out. You sound like a very capable and understanding person.
2006-12-02 15:05:34 · answer #1 · answered by SafetyDancer 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No need to add more, you both seem to be thinking straight and that's what's important here. You both aren't sure about the relationship anymore. So you both need to take the next step and that is to move on. Maybe some time apart is all you both need to realize that you both are in love with each other and want to be together. But it can go the other way as well. You may realize that being apart was the best thing. It may be you that sees it first and it could be him. You both have just got to comfortable with each other so you continue to deal with the relationship at the level it is. Let go and see what else is out there just remember if either of you decide being apart is the best the other will probably be hurt for a while and you'll need to deal with that. But don't give up as friends but you need to wait a while before becoming friends. Let yourself heal from this first and then discover the things that make you the most happiest.
2006-12-02 23:09:18 · answer #2 · answered by Countrygirl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry but it sounds like its over.
When you are with someone, it is not just what it feels like at that one moment. Its what happens in the long run and how they measure up.
Everyone makes mistakes of one degree or another, but if the good outweighs the bad then that is what matters.
Once either or both of you have stated that its not what you want anymore, it probably isnt. If neither of you has changed in a major way, you are just not meant to be. If you HAVE changed, you are no longer the person that the other had fallen in love with.
As far as being crushed, dont be. You stated yourself that he is a great person but not a great boyfriend. He basicly stated the same thing to you but only a little while later. Seems like both of you need to break it off so you can make a fresh start.
There is no such thing as "getting back the feelings". Either they are there or they are not. Anything more than that is just one instance that makes you happy in an long time of being together.
2006-12-02 23:07:42 · answer #3 · answered by billydeer_2000 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. This happened to me! Sort of similar actually. I'll break it down and we can compare.
Thought "we" were happy.
Guy says he's not sure.
You try to fix it up, inevitably makes it worse.
You being to wonder if its what you want.
I would tell him how you're feeling if you haven't done so already. Maybe its time you two took a break and see what life is without eachother. I did and grew up.
I can't guarantee that he'll want to be friends if you take a break. It's something you'll have to talk out. But its something you should consider. If you two really like eachother, you'll both be able to come together as better people. If not, at least you had a good time.
2006-12-02 23:05:13 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well u had " THE TALK" which is great cuz u both got out everyhting that u needed to say.. sounds like to me that u both need some space to reallythink about what to do.. or u need to get couseling.. honey u dont fall in and out of relationships u fall in and out of love.. if u really love someone then u make it work but when u see that they arent tryin anymore and its all u then leave.. but i think that u 2 love each ohter its that u lacking the thing that u once had.. thats friendship a relationship WILL NOT work without friendship .. its gotta have a foundatiion to build on.. i think that u need to sit down with each other and think of tings to do togather to rekindle ur friendship and then you'll see a huge diffence..
GOOD LUCK!!
2006-12-02 23:07:59 · answer #5 · answered by Shelly 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be honest with him seat him down and tell him how you feel. Let him know that you don't want your feelings drag alone and push aside when he is uncertain about the relationship. And yes people are going to grow apart from their relationship unless things aren't going right now if y'all are fine and he is having mix feelings that means he's interacting with someone else and he is undecided who he wants to be with. So don't let him trick you as if the relationship isn't right the only thing that isn't is HIM.
2006-12-02 23:11:09 · answer #6 · answered by Live love laugh 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, here is my advice. I say you guys take a break for a while and try and date other people. If you both just can not make youselves do that then obviously you guys are meant to be together, but right now i would say it is best to "CHILL OUT AND TAKE A BREAK."
2006-12-02 23:02:10 · answer #7 · answered by Ally G. 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing wrong with needing a break, it is obvious that both of you do. If you are ment to be together, you will be. If not, then you will find someone that is better for you.
2006-12-02 23:01:36 · answer #8 · answered by Becky F 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i know that you feel crushed and hurt. i would be hurt too. this is a part of life. you just have to be strong. i know you don't want to let him go but sometimes you have to let go of things that you love and cherish the most.
2006-12-02 23:05:00 · answer #9 · answered by ~*Godz_ANGEL*~ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl move on, stop wasting your time. You're being too indecisive. Salvage the friendship and move on!
2006-12-02 23:03:20 · answer #10 · answered by motherkc 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋