I know this one has been asked many times before, but now that it's my problem I can't help asking it again. There is a truly incredible man with whom I've been infatuated (with very good reason) and to my shock, the outcome actually looks good. Except... I just found out his age. He's fifteen. years. older. Oh my goodness. Even if I could handle it personally (I might), he's in my circle (personal and professional), so everybody I know would also know (I'm in my early twenties). I just don't know how to feel or proceed. I was going to ask him yesterday but didn't run into him. I wish I could find a man like this my own age so we could experience our lives together. But... it's going to be hard to break this very strong infatuation. I think it may be best for me to do so. Please, please, please give me your advice. Not just "live your own life, age aint nothin' but a number" but, you know... what you would do. How you would feel. Thank you so much. I'm upset.
2006-12-02 14:17:32 · 14 answers · asked by solaralley 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Thanks everyone. We don't work together... we just do the same type of work so everyone knows each other. It's a tight circle. I still have no idea what to do but all of this advice has ben valuable.
2006-12-02 14:31:56 · update #1
I haven't already decided. I really like him and if he made a move I probably couldn't help myself. There is nothing wrong with being concerned about something like this. It's valid.
2006-12-02 14:34:15 · update #2
One more comment. He doesn't know my age yet. People usually assume that I'm 5 to 10 years older than I am, due to a great deal of life experience and the type of face that never really ages (I am half asian).
2006-12-02 15:52:44 · update #3
good luck finding a guy like that one your age. all people are unique, and when it comes to love age is just a number. so he's 15 years older, that doesn't really mean anything. he's like in his mid-thirties, so good luck if he's not married
2006-12-02 14:21:40 · answer #1 · answered by ... 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not about to tell you "age ain't but a number" 'cause that's a lie. Now, each relationship has it's own characteristics and it's not impossible for a relationship like this to work, but it is very unlikely. First of all, a man near 40 who is interested in a woman in her early twenties is either going through a midlife crisis (believe me, you don't want to deal with that), or probably isn't looking for anything serious. Now, you're young enough to just have fun and enjoy it, and hopefully you're nowhere near wanting to get married yet, but I'd keep my eyes wide open and keep the blinders off if you would like it to be serious.
The other problem is that no matter how nice or interesting you are (and I'm sure that you are), a person near 40 has lived a lot more life than someone just entering their adult years. Like it or not, after the thrill of being with a much younger woman (and the physical part that comes with that) wears off, he might find that you have run out of things to do or talk about. You're just not likely to have enough in common to have that true compatibility that is needed for a long term relationship.
If that doesn't convince you, I will tell you from experience that you will still feel incredibly attractive and sexy at 40 (and women truly do reach their sexual peak much later then men-wow! wait till you get there!). Think about if you really want to feel that good and young and sexy and find that you're waking up every morning to a senior citizen! It's a great deal for him... .not such a good deal for you.
2006-12-02 22:35:03 · answer #2 · answered by sweetredbeachlvr 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, I would love to shack up with a woman fifteen years younger than myself. But, to be honest, i would have a hard time seeing the relationship go anywhere beyond the infatuation stage. Sooner or later, I suspect it will become evident that the age gap is too large for an enduring relationship.
I'd be more concerned about the fact that he is in your professional circle. If he has any sort of supervisory role over you, he should know better. If things do go south between you, it could make your life and career very awkward.
2006-12-02 22:25:41 · answer #3 · answered by Didgeridude 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My husband is 18 years older than me. It was really hard for me to come to the decision to be with him but I never met anyone that made me feel the way he has The last five years have been the best in my life. I still often wonder what the consequences will be later in life and it does scare me but I know that I would have missed out on so much happiness if I had decided to run scared. I know follow your heart isn't what you wanted to hear but it really is all you can do. If you can get past the age difference so can everyone else.
2006-12-02 22:32:58 · answer #4 · answered by CHRISTINE S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dated and eventually married a woman exactly fifteen years younger than myself. We had a wonderful twelve years together and have a beautiful daughter. Unfortunately two years ago she asked me for a divorce. She had grown apart from me and, although we are still friends, she no longer loves me.
This is only my own experience. As the older partner I should have realized that the day might come when she wanted to explore more of the world outside our marriage. I still hurt when I think of the great times we had together.
I would suggest you be careful. Date the guy but don't consider marriage. You have so much life ahead of you. And, although he does also, his salad days are behind him and he may not be willing to follow the changes you will most assuredly experience.
Good luck.
D
2006-12-02 22:32:25 · answer #5 · answered by Bugsy Groucho 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
15 years...that's a big difference, particularly at your young age.
My husband is 30 years older than me, but we're a lot older than you are, dear! When you're old, it makes less difference because you have both experienced much the same things.
You're wise to think twice about this difference, especially if you are hoping for a long life together. Did you know that the average woman can look forward (!) to 8 years of widowhood? And, when you are 30, and in your prime, he will be 45, and discovering that he has a favorite chair.
And, yet, sometimes the magnetism between two people is too great to resist.
Take your cue from him; if he is clearly on fire for you, and demonstrates to your satisfaction that he is head-over-heels devoted to you, then consider him.
I sure wish you the best of luck!
2006-12-02 22:24:18 · answer #6 · answered by silvercomet 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know your situation. I am in it,and I can personally say I love being with that person,and to me age doesn't matter. You should truly follow your heart,if you feel as if you can pursue,and maintain a relationship,you should go for it. Every relationship you could possibly enter is a challenge,but don't let the age difference draw you back. If he is showing interest don't let it slip away. Good things don't have to come in ways you expect it.
But if you are planning on getting over it,try to keep distance for a while. Good luck!
2006-12-02 22:24:35 · answer #7 · answered by Ellie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my boyfriend and i are 10 years apart! I met him when we both started working together. I was instantly attracted to him, and I loved how he knew exactly what to say to me to make me feel better. My family was not too excited about him being so much older! I tried so hard to tell myself that I didnt feel so strongly about him, but everytime i saw him, my heart kinda stopped! We've been together for about a year now, and we still feel the same way about each other! I'll i really need to tell you is to follow your heart. What doesnt kill you, only makes u stronger. Go for it! Don't worry about what others say or think, because in the end...the true friends are the ones who are happy to see YOU happy!
2006-12-02 22:39:36 · answer #8 · answered by tfay_24 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like you like him, but you also said you wish you could find a man like him around your own age . Which is it?Do you want him or one in his early twenties ,like you? If I were in love with someone I would not care what age he was. I don't think you like him as much as you think you do,because if you did ,you wouldn't care what the people in or out of your circle(professional and personal ) thought.
Besides it sounds like you've already decided ,because you say you think it will be best for you to move on.
2006-12-02 22:31:06 · answer #9 · answered by CLAIRE KC1 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
As long as the two of you are consenting adults I see no problem with following your heart ,,,, there are people who have a much greater age difference than the two of you ,,,, Don't worry about what other people think ,,,, they can't live your life for you so their opinions shouldn't make that much difference ,,,,
2006-12-02 22:25:00 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋