Hiya,how do i make my boyfriend of 6 years who is 28 grow up and stop behaving like an idiot?
We have a 4 year old son with special needs and split up for 6 weeks during the summer,it was his decision to leave.We ended up getting back together and we both promised we`d change,i`m trying but he`s not.Every time he goes out especially to the footie on a saturday he promises he`ll be straight home and not go near the pub,every time i believe him and he doesn`t appear till the next day all apologetic and promises he`ll not do it again.
He says he does have a drink problem he`s not an alcoholic but does binge drink with his mates,he says he doesn`t think of me and our son when he does this and admits he`s selfish.
So of course i`m sitting in on my own again whilst he`s at his mates getting sozzled and taking god knows what.He doesn`t answer his phone or contact me,i do know he`s not cheating but he`s still acting like he`s free and single with his mates,i`m at the end of my tether!
2006-12-02 12:41:09 · 29 answers · asked by onlyme 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I`m not saying i want him to sit at home every night with his pipe and slippers!!
Of course he`s entitled to have fun and see his mates,so we agreed he`d do that once a month and stay out all night getting drunk and thats fine with me,but he hasn`t done this he does it every week and it`s really getting me down and i`m having serious doubts about our future now.
Surely if he loved me and our son he would put us first?
2006-12-02 12:54:24 · update #1
When i said we agreed he`d go out once a month i didn`t mean he wouldn`t see them at all,he goes to football with his mates on a saturday,i meant he could stay out drinking with his mates once a month without feeling bad about it,but this hasn`t worked either.
2006-12-03 01:57:14 · update #2
Unfortunately, you cannot change him. He has to change for himself. If he has a caring girlfriend and a special needs child and he still hasn't changed, then what is going to make him? You two are important people in his life and he still acts stupid. He has alot of growing up to do, I just hope that you don't let him do it at you and your child's expense. You need to give him an ultimatum shape up or you should leave. It is no way to live with that behavior.
2006-12-02 12:47:17 · answer #1 · answered by melissa_anne_maison 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. Are you making him leave your home by the way you are treating him?
2. If not, why do you feel he is going out? Why does he put friends ahead of family?
3. At 28, he is what he is. Too many women think they will change a man. It doesn't work that way. You shouldn't have had a child with a man who isn't the type of person you want to settle down with. Two consenting adults have the right to do what they want, but when you bring a child into the mix, it's not just about the two of you, is it?
2006-12-02 12:50:21 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey I did that for 5 years and when our second child came along, I got out! I was like a single mom, except I was married! I heard all the excuses and apologies that were so empty they would echo. I am so glad I made the decision to leave him to his demise. That was 11 years ago and now his current wife is putting up with the same thing. I don't believe when the situation is that bad that you should stay for the child. He is setting a bad example and you are right he is chosing his lifestyle over his family. Good Luck!
2006-12-02 12:48:54 · answer #3 · answered by stacey h 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry anyone that is a decent parent wouldn't go out drinking night after night. Also binge drinking IS a form of alcoholism. I think you really only have one option get him into therapy and then you both go to couples therapy. If he isn't willing then end it. He isn't any good for you or your son the way he is acting now and he won't all of sudden change over night just because you want him to. Been there done that, they don't change.
2006-12-02 12:48:06 · answer #4 · answered by blacksun 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, it sounds like he is NOT going to change. At 28 he is set in his ways. You and your son don't need this drunk. I say (although easier said than done) leave him, or at least consider. You and your son deserve so much better. Just think, if you still were not with him, you would NOT be upset right now, and possibly in the arms of a man that treats you and your son like a princess/prince.
Take care and good luck.
2006-12-02 12:44:37 · answer #5 · answered by Peanut Butter 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, I wish there was more you could do. Unfortunately you cannot change a person. If he has a problem maybe he should be seeing a professional. It certainly would not hurt for the two of you to sit down with some sort of counselor and discuss this. The only one who knows why he does what he does is him. If knowing he is hurting your family doesn't bother him enough to make him stop, then you may not be able to make this relationship work.
2006-12-02 12:44:49 · answer #6 · answered by Aloe-ish-us 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ooo love i symphthise with you.listen remember that you and your son desewrve better treatment than this.communication is the key to happiness with this relationshipevry man desreves a release i know .but youve got the hardest job.talk openly to each other,maybe he feeld responsible for your son and cant cope with the grief as you have to.talk together and discuss things openly.your doing well.and im proud of you having the ability to cope.even tho at times maybe at times you dont feel so good .thats a common problem love.youll be ok in the long run your son needs you but maybe you should join groups with children and mums in a similar situation.god bless you all x
2006-12-02 12:57:20 · answer #7 · answered by gypsy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forget him girl... He's not worth it.. I know this one all too much.. I left my sons dad when my son was 1 1/2 because of the same crap.. You will be fine... The one thing I have learned over the years is dont put up with something that you wouldnt want your child to put up with or dont act in a way you dont want your child to act. If you dont do this the child will learn from your actions and his, and the chance of him doing the same things are higher.. Be strong for you child.. Good Luck!!
2006-12-02 12:45:25 · answer #8 · answered by Indymom 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You cannot give him rules to abide by, he must be allowed to have time with friends and once a month, to me is not enough. Ask him to cut his nights out down and ask him to come home on an evening, not stay out all night. You also go out with friends, let him babysit, im sure you would benefit also the rest and relaxation.
You cannot change someone, mere comprimise. If he is unwilling to do this, would you not be better just concentrating on your son?
2006-12-02 18:36:59 · answer #9 · answered by benn26k 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been here my friend and there is no answer. You have to make the decision to either put up and shut up or leave him. They dont change - mine was just the same - after 6 years i ended it and whilst it was really hard, 12 months on i am much happier. You cant change him - you can only change what you want to tolerate.
2006-12-02 12:46:57 · answer #10 · answered by Tressnut 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋