Why do guys think it is okay for them to have a sexual past, but not the woman? I am in my 30's and have been married, divorced, have been in serious relationships, dated, and yes a one night stand or two. Why do men seem to think women aren't suppose to be sexually active? Are all guys really like this? My current boyfriend is offended by the fact he was not the 2nd person I had ever been with or even the 10th. He enjoys what I have to offer him and without any prior sex experiences I am sure he wouldn't be so satisfied with what he gets now. Could anybody explain the meaning behind these types of guys?
2006-12-02 12:34:45 · 20 answers · asked by stacey h 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I think they are called male chauvanist pigs. They want to control their women. There was a time that only men slept around and men thought that was great. Then womens lib came in and women slept around due to new found freedoms and men did not like this. If a man sleeps around he is a supposed stud. If a woman sleeps around she may be deemed a slag.
That is wrong as we now live in an age of equality and what the man can do, the woman is also entitled to do. Men as you say do not seem to like that though but it is something they will have to learn to live with. I think men like to think of their women as little demure virgins but those days are long gone.
I do not understand the problem your boyfriend has with you. Sounds like he thought that after you had married and divorced you should sit alone and wait to meet him. Instead you chose the right path and went out and tried to meet someone else and enjoyed yourslef before you met him. He has just got to learn to live with that. Possiobly you are more experienced than him and he feels threatened by that as he believes that he should be showing you the ropes when in fact you are probably teaching him new tricks.
I think it is an age old problem why men are intimidated by a womans sexual past but I have done my best to answer.
I have no credentials. Been married and divorced twice and now happilly married for third times. Lost of relationships and a few one night stands. Like you I was was not going to hang around waiting for someone to turn up so I enjoyed myself.
What you did was allright, no problem and the same applies to me. If we had met and got together it would not have bothered me for I too am a bloke aged 52. It is for him to get his head around and he should not let the past interfere with any future you may have.
2006-12-02 12:54:21 · answer #1 · answered by Closed Down 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Men want to feel like their the best thing since sliced cheese. Yes, you're right when you say men think it's okay for them to have prior experiences and not a women. Men can be insecure when it comes to sex because they don't want to be compared with anyone else....Also, they maybe thinking of how many times they had numerous women and wondering if you had as many men. Personally, it's none of their business, just practice safe sex and go on...I wouldn't worry about it.
2006-12-02 12:46:27 · answer #2 · answered by motherkc 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm totally with you on this one. Its like guys nowadays want you to be the virgin mary or something!
I think its probably better to sort of just glaze over your sexual past when he asks. I know, I know, easier said than done because then he'll feel like you are hiding something but at least you won't have to deal with him judging you because of your past or should I say, your sexual conquests!
I'm to the point that if they don't ask... I don't tell. Its as simple as that. Its awkard anyway to talk about your past sexual exploits or whatever you wanna call them when you are woman.
Or, just lie. Shave down your "men" numbers a little bit. If he wants a "little miss snow white" then just become "little miss off-white.
2006-12-02 12:50:35 · answer #3 · answered by Ocean 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It's cultural, of course. It's the way men view promiscuity. They believe for men it's okay but for women that it means they are not a match of what a wife should be. When a man thinks of his wife, he looks at maternal archetypes which are not exhibited in the idea of promiscuous women. Men also want their friends to believe that they have wives match this archetype, whether it's true or not. Men don't demand this, it's psychologically what they want whether they can help it or not. I think the larger culture will need to change before that goes away.
It's not your fault for the way he is thinking, but I believe he should reexamine his own thinking and realize that he's caught in a trap that is harming his relationship with you. Many men can see this trap and avoid it.
2006-12-02 12:45:43 · answer #4 · answered by i8pikachu 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I wouldn't know - that doesn't both me - what bothers me is if I am with a woman who wants a genuine relationship that she is honest with me about things - otherwise I don't care what she tells me about the past - only that she is interested in a sexual relationship with me - otherwise I will simply choose to move on. Admittedly a woman who talks about her past could get boring eventually. It sounds like the problem is with your current boyfriend - I would suggest you talk to him about why it bothers him - all we can do here is guess.
2006-12-02 12:41:17 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honestly I think it might be because they are scared that you are more experience then what they are, and you may not find them as interesting in bed as the others..... They all what to be the best a woman has ever had.. so the more people you've been with the chances of them being the best arent as good.. Thats the only thing I can think of.. Good Luck!!
2006-12-02 12:39:37 · answer #6 · answered by Indymom 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think people in general are generally irritated with the sexual past of someone they love whether its 1 other person besides them or 20 others.
I read once in a dear abby column a similar question. The womans advice was.. "dont look for confirmation that you are #1 in the present, in her past because you wont find it. look at how she treats you now. Do you feel loved now? Does she make you happy now?"
because ultimately him having a problem with all of that is just an insecurity and not an "intimidation"...
Good Luck with that
2006-12-02 12:43:21 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
most guys are insecure about their sexual performance and once he knows that you have a past its like buying a used car you're always skeptical. but he was getting emotional and wanted to deflower you but he'll get over it. guys want to be your first, last, and everything. once that picture is shattered he spends most of his time thinking "I'm probably not as good as those other guys" but he'll be all right and so we'll you dont sweat it
2006-12-02 12:42:05 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Male ego. The more men in the past the more likely we aren't the best thing you have ever had in this world and won't worship at the altar of our male member.
I prefer experience. I like a woman to know what she likes and how to satisfy a man. I like confidence in the bedroom. The way I see it, she may have had better than me, but she will never have any one who tries harder. He may have been better than me at the actual act but I can lift a small car with my tongue. (lol)..it all evens out.
2006-12-02 12:42:52 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
because it is inconceivable that a woman can be a conqueror in the sex department. men have this notion that women are meek and timid and are saving their selves for the right one after the "first one" failed. but when you come to the table with what you have to offer they think you learned that from the first one. just one word of advice try and downplay on how many it's been, because they do feel like intimidated.
2006-12-02 12:45:05 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋