I need help in understanding why in the world I end up with sick narcicistic men over and over again. When I look back on every single relationship I've been in (including my marriage of 15 yrs.) the man has been an abusive narcicist. What is it that needs to be fixed in me so I won't attract or pick these men. Please help me have the info. to get healthy!
2006-12-02 12:33:06 · 13 answers · asked by ColoradoGirl 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I would like to add that I don't go just for looks and these men come across at first like such caring, Christian men. I never meet them in bars! These are the ones who I think are the good guys. This is part of the problem. Also, when I have found these men, I haven't been looking.
2006-12-02 12:49:50 · update #1
I don't find out what they are truly like until my heart is invested and much time is in the relationship.
2006-12-02 12:51:03 · update #2
Well the reason you still may be choosing these men is because you were with the last one for so long, that his type is all you are allowing yourself to see. I guess what I am trying to say is that you are a creature of habit.
You are going to have to do alot of soul searching. Think back to what the original attraction was, arrogance, power, something that was masking their true colors. This will help you avoid this type. However, you honestly will probably need a little counseling, mom or dad too controling type thing. You will get a clearer understanding once you start to sort it out.
Next time you are interested in dating somebody, go for the one you that doesn't stand out so much. The one you are not particularly drawn to and that way you can discover a different type of man and have courage to stop the cycle. Good luck!
2006-12-02 12:42:08 · answer #1 · answered by stacey h 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you learned as a child to expect the primary male figure in your life to behave in a narcissistic way. You would benefit by examaning exactly what attracts you to them, as it is something you have been looking for. Imagine how you might feel if your partner was not narcissistic - would it feel odd/strange/unfamiliar to you? It is possible for a person to change expectations like these. Do it for you, as these people are not nice to live with, and they cannot and will never be fixed - they have effectively abandoned their real selves in favour of the self they wish they were but this is not reality based - and a narcissist would never confront these issues, because they are a narcissist. Hope this helps and good luck to you.
2006-12-02 12:50:56 · answer #2 · answered by Dave..... 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's not all your fault, it's just that there are so many of them around...
Narcicism is a character flaw. The best way to overcome character flaws is to become close to God through Jesus. The best chance to find a guy who has the fewest character flaws is to find a Christian male who has already let God "clean house" in his soul and done his own homework in that regard for a number of years.
The best way to find a guy like that is to Let God Be Your Matchmaker next time. It'll be the LAST time you'll need a matchmaker...and you also won't have to worry about infidelity (another character flaw) or divorce. That's because when God does the matchmaking, He does it right and neither party ever wants out because both parties know God matched them and anyone else would only be a step DOWN.
2006-12-02 12:43:01 · answer #3 · answered by MandaPanda 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I suggest you, as most women do, like a man who shows supreme confidence in himself. Unfortunately, that sort of man is often really shielding a deeply low self-esteem and can in reality be a controller. A more humble, low-key man, can often be more stable in the long run.
On the other hand, I am a male and maybe you don't think I know what the what I am talking about. Anyway, good luck!
2006-12-02 13:14:50 · answer #4 · answered by Jeff W 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can only suggest that you do some serious soul searching. Go get some of those self-help books. You need to love yourself first. Stop wasting your time with losers. Take some time to work on yourself. You don't have to have a man at your side every minute. Once you think better of yourself a good man will come along when you least expect it.
2006-12-02 12:41:10 · answer #5 · answered by mamabear 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you need to write down a list of what you like about men or what you would want in a man. Maybe you really want a narcissist. However, the only way you are going to know is if you really are honest with yourself as to what you want.
2006-12-02 12:37:39 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You probably want a man that treats you just like your dad treated your mother . There are plenty of us good men out there , but you will not find us at a bar !!
2006-12-02 12:36:12 · answer #7 · answered by rocknrod04 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think about the relationship with the parents. Maybe it's from then. And what about therapy. If you go in with a spec. goal, it could be helpful.
2006-12-02 12:36:09 · answer #8 · answered by LSD 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
learn from your past mistakes so that you won't make them again in the future... until you learn from those mistakes you will keep getting the loser men in your life again and again.
2006-12-02 12:37:13 · answer #9 · answered by Jennifer L 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sick men go for women with good hearts and pure souls.
have faith in God. he will provide for you.
2006-12-02 12:35:12 · answer #10 · answered by Neha S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋