I engaged to a marine and planning to get married next month. Im scared because im having second thoughts. My fiance told me that he wouldnt be deployed until 2008, and just recently he told me some units are leaving next february, and he could of be one of them. what should i do?..wait?
2006-12-02 11:57:37 · 19 answers · asked by Caitlin S 1 in Politics & Government ➔ Military
I am an Air Force wife and would not change it for the world. My husband is away from home alot. He will be leaving in May and it will be rough this time and every time he leaves the kids and I. But his job requires him to be gone frequently. I will always love him for the man and the father that he is.
Just remember your marrying a unique person with a huge responsibility. I won't lie it takes a strong bond to be a military spouse. Love, strength and trust are just a few things to always remember.
Good Luck and Hope you join all of us other military spouses out there.
2006-12-02 12:38:58 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My own recommendation would be to wait -- becuase you already ADMIT in the question that you ARE having second thoughts -- and ...
IF you do RUSH into a marriage with these second thoughts -- that does not bode well for the marriage at all, and is a kind of gut warning that not everything is as it should be.
I have seen (and supervised) many servicemembers in the situation your Fiance is in right now -- and the rush to get married (because they were going to be deployed) was just that -- rushed. AFTER the deployment, when the things broke down, when the marriage was NOT really a marriage (and there were instances of cheating by these "new" brides), and they get the "Dear Soldier" letters (informing them of divorce plans, and oh, by the way, I want part of your benefits forever) ... well, I can say how BADLY this affects the unit as a whole and NOT just the servicemember.
TAKE your time, explore the reasons why you two want to get married, CHECK out your second thoughts, and then, after the deployment, and the separation, you two DECIDE to make an INFORMED choice to faithfully become husband and wife -- then GO AHEAD!
2006-12-02 13:48:05 · answer #2 · answered by sglmom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're engaged and having second thoughts, you should be telling this to him. Him being a Marine, while there is actually a war going on, you really can't tell when you'll be deployed. If you're having second thoughts about his deployment, you need to think about what you're doing. You knew what you were doing when you said you'd marry him. That he is doing what he's doing. Are you really willing to leave him. After everything? After you made the promise, the commitment to stay with him. I am a girlfriend of a Marine. He leaves for bootcamp in January. I said I'd wait for him. And I will. I expect it will be my own test of how I will handle this leaving situation. I plan to be with him for a long time, not really thinking about if or when it may end. because I don't want it to. And don't plan on it. I wish you'd think a little more. I know you want others opinions. But really think about if for yourself. Do you truly love him. If you can't wait for him. Then you can't. But be fair to him. Don't wait it out, thinking you'll eventually get over, because once you've made up your mind about something like this, it's made up. If I had second thoughts, I don't know what I'd do. If those thoughts messed me up enough that I just, couldn't handle it anymore, then, yes, I'd let him know. I just hope things work out for you. Both of you deserve people who WILL wait. If you want to be that person for him, he will be for you.
2006-12-02 14:49:27 · answer #3 · answered by chee_poo 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really love him it won't matter when he's deploying. You'll marry anyway. I think him deploying shouldn't matter too much because the military is just on big "IF". My husband was scheduled to deploy in November of 2005 and didn't leave until September 2006. Their date kept getting pushed back. You never can tell so I wouldn't base when I get married on a deployment. You love him so go through with what you have planned.
2006-12-05 05:09:55 · answer #4 · answered by Tara C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well your marrying into the military so when he deploys he nor anyone but his unit has any control over.If your having second thoughts and don't think you can handle the whole military life then i recommend not even bothering.Because you will need to be strong and always be there for your soldier more so when hes deployed.Deployment was and always will be the hardest thing i and our family had to go through.Ive been though it twice but I can assure you I love my husband/soldier and will continue to support him and his job in anyway needed.All I'm saying is sounds like your not cut out for this lifestyle.If you love him enough to say yes to marrying him and don't want the relationship to end then be supportive and always be there for him.In the military there will always be deployments bottom line.Good luck with your issue.
2006-12-02 17:21:31 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
One thing you'll have to come to terms with if you marry someone in the military is that they never know when they have to leave. I can't tell you how many birthdays, family get togethers, anniversaries etc that my husband has missed. You have to ask yourself if you can handle it. If not then do NOT do it! You don't want to put either one of you in that situation where he's gone and you're upset and decide you want out. If you're just not sure then wait and see how you handle the deployment. Just don't break things off if he's deployed.....at least wait til he gets home.
Good luck.... I know this can be a really hard decision.
2006-12-02 12:04:04 · answer #6 · answered by . 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you really loved him then you wouldn't be asking this question. Advice is something most people ask for when they all ready know the answer but don't like it. My boyfriend is in the Marines and currently deployed to Iraq. He is the man that I am going to spend the rest of my life with and there is no way that a few thousand miles will change that! Don't marry him... your not in love, it's not fare to him!
2006-12-02 21:25:31 · answer #7 · answered by hmparks_usn 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
do u love him? Make sure am a reservist wife but my hubby was active duty when we got married and let me tell u it aint easy at times. So far with all his training and deployments if u add them all up we've been a part a year and now he's getting ready to go to Saudia Arabia in Jan. for 4 months. Is it worth it. to us it is. Seperation is hard but the reunions are so sweet. Lotts of emails phone calls and such.
If u do love him don't wait. Seperations are going to happen just stay busy during that time. Try to have a good support system and if u pray pray hard.
2006-12-02 16:57:40 · answer #8 · answered by sshhorty2 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you need to understand the fact that you are marring into the military. He will be gone for periods of time. I'm not sure the length of Marine deployments, but it can be for months. The Air Force is around 4-6 moths. Know that he has no control over when he leaves and for how long he leaves for. You have to ask yourself if you can handel that. There are groups for military spouces and websites and such for support.
I'm not saying this to make you second guess your love, but just to be sure of it and know what you're up against.
Good luck.
2006-12-02 12:07:41 · answer #9 · answered by ur a Dee Dee Dee 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't wait just because he might have to deploy because when you do get married he will eventually get deployed again and there is no guarantees in the military whatsoever especially about deployment dates and lengths
2006-12-04 17:20:26 · answer #10 · answered by somethingelse 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋