How do I respected my mom better and stop pushing her away from me????

Question

I'm the youngest of 4 and I live with my mother who is divorced and recently my eldest sibling has left to college. This made me start thinking about when my other siblings leave I'll be alone with her and I don't know how I'll be able to deal with her! She wroks all day and she's done so many things for me when she could've been something else she's always dreamed of but I can't respect her!

I've always been on my dad's side even though he is doing horrible things to our family [the main one is he moved to CHINA!!! If he moved any farther he'd only get closer!] And now I have no sides really but I'm still constantly avoding her. Making jokes, talking back, screaming or yelling, leaving her out of my life and I've never really been on a "mother/daughter" with her since I was 5! I really don't know what to do since I'm the worst child she could ever have.

P.S. She says "I love you" to me every night and I can never say "I love you" back without felling guilty for weird reasons....

Answer 1

I think you feel you have kept her from what she could have been or could have done. You suffer with this guilt so much it is manifesting itself as anger towards her and that's why you lash out. Sometimes children feel resentment towards their parents when they feel their parents didn't accomplish things they always wanted to do and or resent them for that. But you need to realize she did exactly what she wanted and that is love you and raise her children. It is okay. Don't feel guilty. You had no control over that. Once you accept that fact you will open up more to her. Talk to her, without being judgmental and just hear her out. Give her a hug. You don't have to say the words, "I love you" to express your love. Don't pressure yourself so much. And believe me honey, there is no way you are a bad kid because if you were, you would have never posted this question on here.
Give it time and remember, life is so short. I would hate to hear that your mom passed away and now you are suffering because you never showed her love or told her you loved her before she passed. But don't rush it, it will come, when you finally realize how much she truly loves you and she did exactly what her heart wanted to do....and that is you.
Good Luck.

Answer 2

Why do you feel so distant from your mother? What happened between you two. It breaks my heart to hear this because It sounds like she really does love you. I have a four month old daughter and I would be devastated if she were to feel this way about me.

However, you feel the way you do for a reason. You are NOT the worst child she ever had. Your family sounds like its been through a lot.

Try to put yourself into your mother's shoes. She is divorced, a single working mother. Her oldest child just left the "nest." She too is trying to handle major changes in life, just like you as a teenager. I think trying to understand her from her prospective would be a great way to start a reconciliation. But the only way to resolve this is to sit down and re evaluate your relationship with her together. Something happened at the age of five (or before) that made your mother/daughter relationship take a detour. Communication is the key, so start there. And forgive yourself for feeling this way. You will never be able to move forward until you can do this.

Good luck and take care.

Answer 3

I can see that you appreciate what your mom does for you, in spite of your emotions.
The divorce hurts you a lot. Naturally you are taking it out on your mom because your dad's not around. Its not right, but it's understandable.
This question you wrote on Answers is very moving. Why don't you show it to your mom, so she will see that you are struggling with this, and that you do appreciate her too.
Or, you could re-write parts of it if you want to.
I suggest try to show your appreciation somehow just once a day. It doesn't have to be something big, but something she will understand. Don't try to be perfect all the time, or she'll think you're sick!
It sounds like she knows that you are going through a lot, but doesn't know how to help.
Maybe you can build a more peaceful relationship with her by the time all your siblings have moved out. It will be a few years. And then you will be able to move out too.

Answer 4

Well, your mom has gone through so much for you. Starting with birth. And all she did since then is love you and as you say do so much for you. If you just think clearly about how much she loves you, its enough to at least not yell or talk back. Whats the reason you dont respect her? Is she a bad person? Does she do anything she shouldnt be? If she is a good mom then the problem is with you. Try to reach out to her, be closer. You dont have to be friends with her but share anything. She knows you love her, and even if you dont feel it, it must be there. Give her a chance.

Answer 5

Sometimes when we know we should feel a certain way toward someone but aren't able to for no obvious reason(s), the solution is to "fake it until you make it." In other words, smile and approach your mother the way you know you should and eventually the real feelings should crop up within you--then you WON'T be faking it anymore! I definitely think one way to demonstrate your love for her is to help around the house. You are also probably blaming her too much for the divorce. She might not be her best self right now with all that she's been going through. It's also understandably hard for you to feel mass quantities of love when the Spiritual Head Of The Household (DAD) is out of the picture. You probably feel like you don't have any love to GIVE because your Dad currently is gone. So you might try allowing your Heavenly Father to be your "dad," which is something all of us should do anyway. There you will find the wellspring of love from which to draw to give love to others.

I strongly recommend going to any Bible bookstore and finding a book on the subject of "the power of the tongue" (our words, what we say, our mouths). There will be several to choose from by many authors--this is a HUGE subject that many Christian authors have written about and backed it up with many, many Bible verses. By yelling and screaming, you are saying negative things that will poison your relationship and defile your own self. As humans our words have great authority in the universe. When we say negative things, it's almost as if God said them. What would you expect to happen if God spoke negatively--we'd all be hiding under the covers! God said, "Let there be light," and there was light. Check this out: we are made in His image/likeness! So we operate the same way He does. We have what we say too (bad or good). You are saying "I hate you, etc.," and so you HAVE WHAT YOU SAY--you are making yourself hate your mother because of the negative words coming out of your mouth when you are frustrated. The spiritual principal is working PERFECTLY--but in the negative--switch it around. Try saying positive things and see what happens--think of it as an experiment.

A warning: Once you try this new approach--expect things to get a little WORSE before they get BETTER (satan will try to stop that new good behavior before it TAKES ROOT). He's not stupid enough to wait until it becomes a new good habit. But if you stand strong, he will flee from you in this area.

Also, Ms. Caffeine, caffeine makes people extra gittery, frustrated and easily angered, so cut it down to 1 cup a day. Try taking some Cortislim for a few weeks too, it'll get rid of excess cortisol in your bloodstream that coffee creates.

Answer 6

First figure out why u can't respect ur mom. She sounds like a nice person, and it seems u should be pissed at ur dad, but it's the other way around in ur case. Why? Then u've got to figure out if u could get over/forgive ur mom for her indiscretions...after all, she's human, like u. Then u've gotta relize that(I'm assuming), ur a teen, so there are gonna be some days when ur mom's gonna be ur worst enemy. Then u've got to clue her in on ur life. She could be a valueable resource to u down the road. And even if u don't get that close, ur still gonna want her and even need her in ur life. If/when u have kids, u don't want them to know that u don't talk to their grandma just because. Besides, if u open urself up to liking her and try to get to know her, u might just understand why u can't respect her and don't want anything to do with her. Good luck...and God Bless u and ur family!

Answer 7

Try to put yourself in her shoes... think about what she has to go through.. raising all of you.. with the father moving to china.. he has no strings.. no one to worry about except himself... and she is taking on everything alone.
You have no idea what its like to be a single mom i know.. my mom was one, and i see how hard she had it now that i am older and i am a mom too.
I felt angry at her a lot when i was young, but i still feel guilty over how i should have helped her out more when i was a teen. I should have cleaned the house more and cooked more.. she had it so rough working, and taking care of me...with no spouse.
You need to try to build a better relationship with your mother.. maybe this time alone with her will help you.

After all, she is not going to be around forever... have you thought about that?

Answer 8

It's sounds like you no that you are being disrespectful to her, so it is up to you to make the change. You already no that she has put you before her dreams and that she loves you, now it's up to you as to what you are going to do about it. People can give you all kinds of advise, but nothing they can say to you is going to make this any easier for you. You are feeling guilty because of the way you have been treating her and if you truly want to show her respect saying I love you to her is a step in the right direction.

Answer 9

I sure do feel sorry for u but tell uwat why dont u give ur mum a chance show her that u really love her.Dont forget that she is the one who bore u and now is taking care of. Sit and talk to her or cheer her up when she's so tired after work. Tell her about wat u like to do or share ur experiences and apologise for being rude too i think. Do this and im sure it wil be fine.

Answer 10

sounds to me like you need to grow up. there will always be things that you don't like that your mother will do. but you need to remember that there are not many people in this world that would lay down their life for you like a mother would.when times get really bad for you the one person that will be there is your mother, when everyone else turns their back on you.you know its really sad but one day your mother will be done and your going to think back at all the times she said i love you and your going to wish that you had one more chance to tell her that you love her too. grow up young lady!