I am 34 and my brother is 40... we both have 2 kids and live less than a mile from each other. He has only seen my kids twice in 2006 and he and his wife never want to do anything with my family. I have tried to build a relationship with him, but my brother does not seem interested in bringing our families together. Yet he is very disappointed and he is trying to make us feel guilty that my wife and I wont be at Christmas this year. What is you opinion on this?
2006-12-02 11:30:39 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I have a saying. If you don't put any money in your savings account then there is nothing to take out. It is not your fault that your bother and his family do not want a relationship all year.Like the bank. Your Family should be closed to him on Christmas. He has put nothing into your family all year. He reminds me of the people that only go to church once a year..AT CHRISTMAS TIME. What happen to the rest of the year. You , like the church are not there to make his Christmas guilt free. Your responsibliliy is to your family. Make them as happy as you can this Christmas. Without the brother. But do forgive him..It will make you a better person and parent..You have my blessings. It will never stop hurting your heart that he is that way. But you have to just let it go. Stop asking him . Hoping one day he will realize that family love is more important than whatever he is doing with his life. He will grow old alone if his wife ever leaves him. You just take care. Have a have Happy Holiday.
2006-12-02 11:44:15 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you can try saying directly to him that you'd like to see him, his wife, and kids more. Maybe a "game night" once a month? Or something else that he, his wife, and kids would enjoy? Everything doesn't have to be freighted into Christmas, but you can say honestly that you'd enjoy having your families get together regularly. Sometimes adult siblings make the mistake of thinking that there's always time to see brothers/sisters later, and don't take the time to get together. I had an older sister (3 years older than me) -- we lived on opposite coasts and I didn't make a lot of effort to see her, not because of any ill-feeling between us, but because I thought oh, I'll get around to it next year, there's always time, etc. She died suddenly at age 33, when I was 30, and I cannot tell you how much I miss her and how deeply I regret not having spent more time with her. Even if your brother doesn't want to make the effort, you can, and you'll never be sorry. Good luck!
2006-12-02 19:44:15 · answer #2 · answered by meatpiemum 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him he's being very hypocritical about the Christmas situation. It's unfair of him to ignore your requests to get your families together during the year, yet he expects you to join him for Christmas and tries to play the guilt card when you say no.
Now he knows how it feels to want to get the familes together and have the other say no.
You can agree to spend Christmas with him, with a compromise. He has to spend ... Easter or ... New Years or ... whatever with your family.
2006-12-02 19:43:00 · answer #3 · answered by Imperfect 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To me they want to live their own lives and on special occasions wish to affirm family relations.
To me you want regular contact with your family and establish depth in those relations.
As far as an opinion goes both sides have a point and both sides are related to each other with room for improvement.
2006-12-03 11:26:01 · answer #4 · answered by Jumper 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
point out to him that he does the same thing all of the time and probaly for no reason. explain your reason and apologize for not being able to be there. if he doesnt accept the apology and keeps on b!tching, there is nothing more that you can do. let it go but don't stop doing your part in trying to be a family with him.
2006-12-02 19:44:40 · answer #5 · answered by PreciousLady 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like if he wanted to be with you he had all year, enjoy your christmas and do as you plan. If he would like to get together another time throughout the year, go for it.
2006-12-02 19:47:22 · answer #6 · answered by Gee-Gee 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really wouldn't care if he didn't like me not being around for xmas. You might ask him if he would like to have a get together at another time if he doesn't its his loss.
2006-12-02 19:37:12 · answer #7 · answered by mom363546 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess he is happy not doing what he does not want to do but he is not happy when someone does not do what he wants them to do.
2006-12-02 19:34:14 · answer #8 · answered by Kokopelli 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell him to jump off a bridge
2006-12-02 19:32:59 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋