Am I wrong for wanting my stepsons out of my house?

Question

I have been with my husband for a total of 8 yrs and married for 3. Me and him have one 3 yr old son together and he has 2 teenage sons that also live with us. When we bought our house 4 yrs ago his sons came to me and asked if they could move in with us. We all have a good relationship and they even considered me and introduce me to people as their mother. (Their real mother is on drugs) I had a talk with them and told them as long as they respected me and followed our rules then there shouldn't be a problem. Well the last 4 yrs have been pure hell. I have been back and forth to schools and courts and jail until I thought I was the one doing something wrong. They have brought drugs into my house and I've called the police on them. They steal things from me and it seems that everything I try with them it doesn't work. I always have headaches and I am not in peace in my own home. I love the boys like they are my own but I have a son to raise and they're a very bad influence on him.

Answer 1

All teenagers act up. It is hard especially when they arent your own sons. How does their father deal with them? He should be the one laying down the rules, they are his sons and it is his house also. See how he feels about the situation. If you kick these boys out it may be better initally for you but much worse for them and potentially on your relationship.

Answer 2

You did not say how old these boys are. If they are 18 yrs. old they are adults and you can ask them to move out. You need to talk this over with your husband about all the problems that you are having. Have you done that? He should be helping you with this problem. You did not say if he is or not. See if you can get some help through some kind of hot lines that may be available to you. Look in the phone book. Where do they get the money to buy these drugs? Cut their money source off completely. If they want to go buy something like a DVD, go with them and purchase it yourself, don't give them the money to do it. I hope by some of the answers in here that you can solve your problem. There is help out there, you just have to find the source. It may be through the school that they are going to. Maybe they know some way to help you.....good luck to you....

Answer 3

First off, where is their father in all of this? I can understand how you are feeling but you should be discussing this with their father. It must be hard on you to raise your young children and then have to deal with the hardships of teen ages. Now I don't suggest that this is a normal thing, there are a lot of teenagers out there who go through struggles but don't resort to crime and or drugs. There must be an underlining issue somewhere and it could stem from there estranged mother. I am in no way blaming you as a matter of fact I think you are doing all the right things, even contemplating throwing them out. Sometimes you need that tough love to show that what they have with you is good and how much they have to lose. There are many organizations you can call to help you. Try looking on line in your area. There are family drug counselors and family mediators. I believe those boys are suffering from what their mother is going through and they are lashing out in destructible ways to get attention. Before it becomes worse, try the counselor route but your safety, health and welfare of your baby, throwing them out may be the right thing to do.
I am sorry for all you are going through.
Good Luck

Answer 4

Whats the father got to say about all this? You sound like you are taking this on alone. If the boys are still civil with you, sit down and remind them of the condition they moved in was. Explain how this is affecting you and your young child. I think your husband should put his foot down and take responsibility for what his children are up to.......if not, they have no right to make you feel uncomfortable in your own home. Look after yourself and your little 3 year old mate and do whats right for you. Good luck

Answer 5

u r not wrong for feeling that way. some people feel that way about their own children. if u haven't already, u should find out how your husband feels about it. giving up on children isn't always the answer but if they put u through that much then u should do what u feel. u laid down the law when they 1st asked u to move in so if they don't follow the law then they should. u should try telling them how blessed they are to be in your home considering the fact that their mom is on drugs. also consider boot camp

Answer 6

You used the word "I" over ten times in your question. Where is the father and what does he think about all this and what is he doing about it?

As long as the boys can depend on you for getting them out of trouble, they will continue to request your help. They are probably at the point where they don't have to ask for your help but you are there to give it.

If they don't turn around from this type of living, you will continue to rescue them into their adulthood.

Nothing wrong with them spending a day in jail nor allowing the courts to oversee that they continue school and that their grades approve.

Best of luck.

Answer 7

If they are under 18 then they are still your husbands responsibility, and yours too since you married the man. Teenagers do stupid things that's why good parents monitor their children's activities and friends and discipline them when they break rules or behave poorly. Follow thru and learn from the experience so you can be more proactive when your 3 yr old becomes a teenager.

Answer 8

kick him out, he seems to be taking as much as he can from you, and not appreciating all which you're giving him. as quickly as he strikes out, he gets a glace on the real worldwide. attempt helping him stumble on a activity, ask him to pay lease, I paid $2 hundred a month whilst i replaced into at domicile with my dad and mom and not in college. Be reliable, and be a supportive yet imposing determine. make useful there's a consensus between the two you and your husband, do no longer make it such as you're attacking or ganging up on him, yet have a civilized communication between the three of you, and communicate how all and sundry all feels relating to the placement, and what you're able to do sooner or later which will earnings all and sundry

Answer 9

You need to tell these boys that you love them so much but things have to stop. Tell them exactly how they are making you feel and you are really fed up of it, and things must stop. Maybe you could all sit down and have a family talk about how things are going to change , the boys put forward how they are feeling and they can express how you and their dad can help them change.

Answer 10

so,you took on these boys and now you have to follow through. where would they go if you kick them out? why don't you call some rehabilitation centers.or contact child services and see what they have to offer to get these boys some help. and for gods sake tell there father to step up to the plate and help you.