My bf and I have been dating about 3.5 months. He says he loves me, and I love him. However, he dated his ex for 3 years (he's 23, and she was his first real gf). He and I go to school in VA, and she lives in MN, where he's from. He recently told me he's jealous that she's dating again. He says he needs to see her when he's home to make sure his feelings are nothing more than jealousy. I've been in a similar situation, so I can kind of understand. But, I'm really worried he might pick her over me.
He sent me this e-mail:
"You are probably the best person that I have ever met in my life. I think the stress is starting to get to me, and I really appreciate everything. I know the ex thing is a big issue for you, and I understand why that is. While I cannot give you anything definte, be confident that I love, adore, and admire you. There is nothing about you that there is not to like."
Do you think I should be worried? What should I do? How can I compete with 3 years?
2006-12-02 10:44:37 · 9 answers · asked by skichamonix515 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You can't hunny! i've been there!
Luckily my man was over this ex! It does seem a bit odd, although i think about my exes and i never try to think if i still have feelings for them! i know i do! Just like my man probably still has feelings (good or bad) for his ex!
People will always have feelings for their exes, it's whether or not they realise it's over and have to move on! DOES NOT MEAN that they prefer their ex to you.
You can't erase the past, it's there and always will be!
I personaly don't think he needs to meet up with his ex, but more learn to live with the present! He has you and like he said "I love, adore, and admire you" why does he need closure from the past when he says stuff like that?
Why is he jealous of her when he has moved on and is dating again!
I think he really needs to just forget about his ex as best he can and work on his relationship with you!
2006-12-02 10:52:34 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't compete with the past. Right now, there is another person in your relationship. You deserve to have his undivided heart and attention.
I'm glad he's being so open with you about his feelings. The best thing for you to do would be to step back and give him space to sort out his feelings. Also, you don't need to become more involved with someone who is not emotionally available.
Yes, he may decide to go back to her, but that will have much more to do with his feelings for her than any lack of feelings for you. If he does end up with her, it is just an opportunity for you to find someone who can offer you his heart freely, without reservation.
Best of luck to you! Hope this helps. :)
2006-12-02 11:32:01 · answer #2 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The 3 years is not your issue here. You can know if you like someone in 10 minutes. the issue is that he "needs to see her again". Can you go with him when he goes home? I would not like that. If he can't let go of the idea of his old gf then cut him loose and find a man that wants to deal with the present and future. The past is past.
2006-12-02 10:51:20 · answer #3 · answered by hes 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he's got issues, or double dipping. Don't worry about him. Get your education out of the way first. Then you can worry about Mr. Right and be able to make your own way in life while you look. You'll be better off in the long run for happiness.
2006-12-02 10:58:16 · answer #4 · answered by Les Gramps 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't !!!!! You hope that he really does love you and he See's that he and his ex broke up for a reason and then the two of you can move on with your lives. I have to say if he's going to leave there is nothing you can do to stop him and if you nag to much at him it may drift him further apart from you just have faith good luck
2006-12-02 10:51:34 · answer #5 · answered by charlie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well first of all you shouldn't have to try & compete with his past. If he is truelly over her then he wouldn't want to go back & see if he still has any feelings. Was it him or her that broke it off between them??? if it was her, then she is more then likely done with him.. if it was him, then why did they break up & The biggest most important thing is that..YOU SHOULD BE THE ONLY ONE THAT HE IS THINKING ABOUT.....NOT HER.. so take care & happy holidays
2006-12-02 10:55:12 · answer #6 · answered by lori 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
3 yrs is a long time for someone to get over a past relationship.
its not that u have to compete with her, u just have to give it time.
he obviously loves u, he's just trying to cope with it. once he does, he has u, so dont worry about it.
worrying usually makes it a bigger issue than it already is
2006-12-02 10:49:18 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-11-30 01:40:37 · answer #8 · answered by saylors 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yeah you have reason to be worried but hey, let him decide now if he wants her back...he needs to make that decision now because months or years down the roadwill only hurt more so let him do what he needs to do.
2006-12-02 10:49:12 · answer #9 · answered by georgiabelle87 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋