Ok I just want to know if anyone else experiences this..?

Question

Sometimes I get so low that i get either pissed off or I think of killing myself. i actually pour all the pills on my desk and stare at them wandering if it will only send me to the hospital or actually do the job. Then a few hours later I resurface and I feel stupid for even thinking of wanting to end my life. I also feel confused its like I checked out for a few hours and went to not a great place. Then i just continue on with things hanging out with friends but with this huge secret weighing on the inside. I ask what would anyone think if I told them I go through this? Would they freak out? I see a psychiatrist but whenever she asks how things have been I say fine. Inside I want to scream not good not good at all but I keep my mouth shut. I feel if i say all this out loud it will make it too real. That it would scare me. My life is in a holding patter and I just want to know what everyone else does when something like this is happpening.

Answer 1

Been there done that, even took the next step a couple of times. Still here though. Yes if you told anyone who has never had thoughts of suicide they would prob not understand. Good that you are seeing a Dr. but tell her the truth!!!! I get the feeling you are ashamed of how you feel, and think others will laugh at you or think less of you. Any chance you're a perfectionist??? It's okay to let it out. sometimes telling someone else helps you see it more clearly. if you don't tell your Dr what's really wrong, save your money.

Answer 2

I have gone through this and I am STILL going through this. I have took a whole bottle of prozac and it didn't do the job, that was about a year ago. If you are feeling this way I suggest changing your medication since it is not working... let me be honest with you, all the people I have ever known (including myself) have always said that a psychiatrist always seems to upset a person. It would probably help if you stop going and talk to A FRIEND about your problems instead of a complete stranger. Screaming is good, grab a pillow and scream in it, it will make you feel alot better as well as crying. It releases all the stress that you hold in sometimes talking a walk also helps too. I'm sure you'll be fine =)

Good Luck and God bless

Answer 3

There are many persons passing through that ..don`t worry and ya I was exactly like u I was really depressed and in school people would say that there wasn`t a happiest person than me, they would say that I was so happy all the time with a big smile but inside myself I was dying, I wanted to scream and say that I was so depressed and I was close to suicide many times but I didn`t say anybody bout it and then I decided why not show my feelings? So I started acting more naturally, if I was happy I would smile and laugh and everything but if I was unhappy I wouldn`t act as happy but I would tell my friends what was going on in my life and why I was feeling that way. I felt so much better I mean I was still feeling really bad but I didn`t pretend and pretending was really painful. Now u may think that there are girls with perfect lives like so beautiful, with money, with bf, popular and all that but I mean NOBODY has a perfect live and u can prove this bye really knowing a "perfect person" and then u would realize that the "perfect" person passed through a lot of painful situations or she has a lot of issues and so u realize that nobody goes on the street screaming out their personal problems but everybody have them! If you have real friends telling them this won`t affect the relationship and they will try to help u. In case u do compare urself with other persons stop this because it will only get u down. Please if you need someone to talk to u can email me ([e-mail]). Just have faith that all this will pass for sure and the suffering and tears will become joy and happiness and u will discover the incredible and unique person u are. Cheer up!

Answer 4

The sirius side of life is stifling. You do not have to feel like
your not worthy. Real world people care, love, and want to
work with you in your strong suits. You need to stop thinking
of the pressure. The good ideas that exist are not simple to
make those moves. Say you join a book club, go to the hill and
find it boring. Well sorry, your mistake. That just means you
were stupid on top of a hill. Thoooo I still love you. I say that
despite I have tons of work, friends, and duties, so what is it
about? Fun. The real secret of love, friends, busy people is to
have fun. Yes you are especially capable is what I am saying.
I am here. Right? Maybe the online dog is not alive, it is not
company that fetches the pie man, but who cares? The fact
that you are already the vice president of our new helping each
other, others, God's family is very soothing, and valuable. You
are valued by the friends and those that will be. Get organized
and chose some hobbies, and don't go it alone. Get to love.
Hope you write me, anytime for more of my time and concern.

Answer 5

A lot of my good friends have suffered from depression at times, one of which tried to kill herself. It isnt abnormal to think about those things sometimes, but in your case it sounds like its dibilitating towards your life. You should let your psychiatrist know. You shouldnt feel embarrassed or anything, a lot of people go through this. Depression is often just from an imbalance of normal chemicals in your brain, the same chemicals you can find released in excercise. A lot of times people who suffer from depression take a medication that stabilizes the levels and they only have to take the meds for a short amount of time, once they feel better they normally can come off medication and feel fine. sometimes you have to take the medication for long periods of time, but even then you wont feel like a different person, youll just feel much more level with yourself and with the world. Dont worry! People go through this stuff, you can be happy. Keep Cool.

Answer 6

I feel the exact same way, and I'm only 14. If i ended my life now, I think I would regret it. I've always wanted to be a famous singer when I grow up, I want to sing for the poor and downtrod, not for money. If I ended my life now, that would be it. No more living. You pulled the string. Are you ready to take that risk? Please don't. I can tell that just by the way you talk you are beautiful, inside and out. So, you really have to trust God. He's the only one that can really help you. I've learned that the hard way.

So please, don't let the depression rule you. You can do this. You can overcome, it's YOUR choice. Not the devil's.

Answer 7

The reason you are seeing a shrink, is so you can unburden yourself and for him/her to make a suggestion so as to make you feel better.
You clamming up when you see him/her is not really helping things.
They are there for areason, use it.
You are going through some very deep troughs and need a helping hand out of them on occassion, let people help.
For a start, get rid of the bloody pills. Unless they're keeping you alive!
Talk to your psychiatrist properly. Are you embarassed? Then talk to them. They will not bite!

Answer 8

My mom is clinically depressed and I do feel down sometimes and wonder if I suffer from it also. I understand the not wanting to talk about it because it makes it real. I feel like that too. But you need to get help, this isnt something you can tackle alone.

Hang in there!

Answer 9

You are not alone. However, if you really want to be healthy, you should be sharing this with your mental health professional. Please call your doctor asap; even now and explain what is going on. How can you expect anyone to help you if you don't share the truth? If your taking medications, this might be a side-effect so your doctor needs to know....NOW....I'm begging you to call your doc. Do it and get this burden off of your chest; You can't do this alone. Accept help because you really need it, dear. Godloveya, honey.

Answer 10

you need to let someone around you, parent, friend,, dr,,, know what your going threw,,,, while its normal to get low, then pop back up out of it,,,,, its not normal or healthy to be actually thinking about ending,,, if you are already seeing a psychiatrist, please do tell them! it wont make it more real,,,, its already real,,,,, and sometime you might follow threw and take those pills!
ps : and toss out all of the pills, except the ones you are suppose to be on now! yes i have been threw this,,,,fortunately for me i had tossed out the pills, before i went to take them all,,, i had forgotten i had tossed them! also what worked for me was talk therapy with a psychologist,,, not a psychiatrist,,,, as it helped me deal more with the problems causing my mood to get so low,,,