does this make me a bad person?

Question

i'm 22 and i live with mother and grandma...i have to stay at home to "babyseat" her cause she is blind...but the thing is i dont think that i ahve to sacrifice my life because i dont go out at all or socialize just to help out in the house and to supervise her. i'm still at home to help my mother out especially when my granma started living with us...i know this isnt her fault, i know...one time i put a blindfold on to see what she was going through...but i cant help but feel a lil bit resentful towards her...i feel very overwhelmed and depressed because of this, i went to live the life of a 22 year old u know...not even partying or drinking or anything like that cause that is not me but like you know what i mean?? i feel that this means i'm a bad person but i'm trying not to be u know..but i dont know..i am praying for this...

Answer 1

It doesn't make you a bad person, it's natural to want to live your own life, but just try to remember things will start to get better.
Your grandma will start to get more used to things without sight, but it will take some time.

Try to talk to your mom, let her know that you really want to help her out, but that you need some time to yourself once in a while so you don't get burnt out.

I'd also try looking into that availability of adult daycare in your area.
There are assisted living centers out there that allow you to take someone there for the daytime hours and such, this may be an option to allow you to get some "me" time.

Some physical rehab centers also offer to come to the home and try to teach the newly disabled how to and help them try to become more independant and such.

But depending on how much recovery your grandmother is going have and how much care she requires your family may need to look into some sort of assisted care.

But first things first you need to let your family know that you can't be expected to provide around the clock care.
Let them know that you are there to help, but everybody needs time off.

Answer 2

I don´t think that you are a bad person, you are living a hard situation and u dont know what to feel or think, but the fact is that you are 22 and u deserve to enjoy and live your life, and being blind doesn´t mean that she cant be left alone and that she needs a person beside her 24/7, you need to talk to her and let her know you love her but u are alive too and you want to do some things.

You could also talk to an specialist about this situation so he/she can guide you and help you to make a good choice for both of you.

Good luck

Answer 3

You are not a bad person because of this. You are normal. You are wonderful person to help family like that but they are taking advantage of you in a way. Or they can't read your mind, they might think this is where you want to be. Be honest with them, tell them how you feel. Just explain that I still want to help out but I would like to go out every now and then. Maybe you guys can take turns or get her some home health care. If she can't afford that, they have state Aid that will go by her income. If she is low income she will qualify for a Home health nurse and a house keeper. I wish you the best and you will be in my prayers. You have a Big heart and I know you will be truly Blessed.

Answer 4

I am not shore which country you are from and whether you have the same type of system where you live to Australia. We have a thing called resbit, where like your grandmother come into hospital for a week or so just to give the family a bit of rest. You are not putting her in there for ever, just a week or so every now and again so you can have a life outside the house. See if you have something like that where you live.

Answer 5

not at all, I can understand how you may feel pulled between your commitment to your family and wanting to have a life of your own. I think you should talk to your mom and grandma about it. Your grandma should be able to be on her own for a few hours during the day and get by, a lot of blind people can live totally independently because there are so many aiding products available for them. Perhaps your mom and you could do "shifts" where you know you can go out on friday and sunday and your mom goes out on saturday. It is not fair for you to take on the total responsibility. I hope you can get something worked out with your family.

Answer 6

You could try helping your grandmother more independent. Being blind doesn't mean she is completely helpless. Unless she has other health issues or is frail, she could start doing some simple things for herself that would allow you to get back a little bit of your time and "freedom". Don't feel bad for feeling like an undue burden has been placed on you. What you are going through is very difficult and only a small set of people could come through it without feeling somewhat depressed or upset.

Answer 7

I don't think it makes you a bad person at all. You're still young and you want to enjoy being young.
Talk to your mother about getting nurses sometimes to stay and help her or have other nearby familar members "eldersit". It would be much better if you all had shifts, you know, just make sure you're very level-headed and calm in the way you present this proposal.
Try and mention to your mom they way she felt when she was young. Tell her you have so many opportunies now and you love helping your grandmother you just feel a little stressed out.

Hope this helps !

Answer 8

It's totally normal to feel the way u do not wrong.Why don't u compromise and discuss making a schedule to assure that you get some or more free time explain you need this time for you.If she can get to the bathroom on her own she should be fine in the evening cause she would be in bed.There r ways for u to do both if you r willing to still help out n have your time.Well good luck n I hope i could help a little.

Answer 9

No! it doesn't make you a bad person..you are young and you have a long life to live and your grandma doesn't. Talk to your mom...tell her how you feel, tell her that you need a break once in a while. I advise you not to keep things inside you because one day you are going to explode like a volcano. You are so bless that you still have your grandma, and I am pretty sure that your grandma appreciates every little thing you do for her. You guys are bounding together..Please tell you mom how you feel...she will understand . But if you don't talk she won't know...communication....is what you need...

Answer 10

Sweetheart, You're not a bad person. You're human. Anybody would be going through this. You're just too muchure and kind and considerate toward your grandmother and mother's feelings to complain. I know it sucks. Speak to your mother in private. Tell her you feel trapped and want to live a normal life. I hope this works for you. And I pray for you your mother and your grandmother. Hopefully someone else can watch her. If no one else can, I'm sorry I don't know what to tell you.