Help please,
My christmas is going to be ruined. Every other year my partner and i go to my parents house for xmas (we go to my partner's parents place on the other years). This year my mother is insisting on inviting my ex-boyfriend for dinner. She has done this many times in the past - he is now a friend of the family. I cannot bear to be around him and it makes both me and my partner feel extremely uncomfortable. I have tried to talk to my mother about it but she says i should just deal with it - he's moved on and so should I. I have no feelings for him, I just don't like him or want to be around him. I have emailed her to explain how i feel but she got very angry and said i should not be dictating to her and how dare i tell her who she can or cannot invite to her house. I have said we're happy to go any other time but not when he's there.
We're now not talking at all. What should i do?
2006-12-02 10:19:04 · 33 answers · asked by suz 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Wow, I understand how you feel. I guess the best I can tell you is that you need to tell your mother that since she insists on inviting your ex-boyfriend to her house at the same time you and your partner are visiting, she is being disrespectful to both your new boyfriend and to you. You are guests in her house when you visit and should be treated with respect. It is true that she has the right to invite whoever she pleases into her home, but at the same time you have the right to come on an earlier or later date so that you and your partner can be comfortable visiting your family. If she is still unwilling to invite him on another day, then I suggest you try coming the day before or after and spending the actual holiday with your boyfriend's family or alone. If your ex is truly just a friend of your family's and not a ploy to break up your current relationship, your mother should be willing to move his invitation to a time when you're not around. Her daughter's feelings are more important, and she needs to learn to respect them.
2006-12-02 12:00:31 · answer #1 · answered by *shine* 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't get stressed make Christmas happy for yourself and your partner . Your mother is being unreasonable. Just stay at your own house this Christmas with your partner you might want to invite any of your mates round in the evening. If you have any friends that are single they may be glad to get away from their family's. I know I couldn't be bothered with family do's when I was younger.
Christmas should be a happy time you should not be obligated to pleasing other people.
If your mum changes her mind about inviting your ex tell her that you have now decided you want to have Christmas in your own home this year and she is welcome to come round.
Don't feel guilty it is up to your mum to consider whether she would rather see her daughter in future years or your ex.
Have a nice Christmas anyway.
2006-12-02 10:47:09 · answer #2 · answered by dont know much 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make peace first with your Mom. Then explain to her that you are moving on and want your past relationships to be past. Tell her also in a nice way that your past BF has a new girl now. I think your mother is doing this to show you that she favors your other BF than your present one.If she still does not listen to you boycott her to show your recentment by not going to her place this Christmas and tell her you are going instead to your present BF family if she cannot understand you. And do not forget to send her both your Christmas present and also give her a call. Some domineering mothers can be stubborn sometimes but they will realize their mistake after a while when they miss you.Then will she only realize you are more important to her than her guest your ex BF for Christmas
2006-12-02 10:33:24 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi you have to do what is best for you and if this man makes you that uncomfortable then you know the answer you and your partner could go to his parents or better still just have Christmas just the two of you at the end of the day this bloke is not family and family is what matters at Christmas and your mother needs to understand that. good luck and i do hope you have a merry Christmas
2006-12-05 05:50:53 · answer #4 · answered by boo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your mother seems to like your ex boyfriend quite a bit.
If your ex has supposedly moved on, why is he still going to his ex's family for christmas?? Doesn't he have a family or friends of his own????
That doesn't sound like he's moved on, to me.
If your mother doesn't respect the fact that it makes you and your partner uncomfortable, then maybe you need to tell her that you're spending christmas with your partner's family instead.
Yes, it's her house and she can invite whom ever she wants, but you're her DAUGHTER.
What's more important to her? Making her daughter happy and having 1 less person over, or breaking her daughter's heart so she can invite whoever she wants.
I suggest you let her think about that.
2006-12-02 10:26:00 · answer #5 · answered by Imperfect 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you say partner...I assume you mean someone of your same sex... Is she inviting him hoping you'll change back or what? Either way...I wouldn't go. Your mother is your mother,
where is his family? You and your partner ought to do your own christmas at your own place, then you can invite who ya'll want.
Sometimes you have to live your own life, and not the one your mother (or others) choose for you. If you give in, your mom will keep doing as she wants. Stand tall and firm. Stay home this christmas.
2006-12-02 10:25:13 · answer #6 · answered by ward6359 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think its not nice of your mother to do this. a parent should support their child no matter what. i mean, if it makes you uncomfortable, why is she putting you through this? my mom would do that too, so i completely understand how you feel. tell her that you've told her how you felt about this. yes, nobody can tell her who she can't or can invite, but nobody can tell you to go or not go. tell her that if she insists on having your ex there, then you and your partner will just spend christmas in your partner's family's place, where you guys are welcomed and comfortable. plus, you wouldn't want to go to a party where you're uncomfortable and your mom is mad at you.
2006-12-02 10:27:36 · answer #7 · answered by blue_bee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow.Well, I think you should stick with what your saying, but dont lose a relationship with your mother.Try going to your partners parents house for xmas this year.Start going to there every year untill you mother wants you back.Show her that you need your space from your ex and wont go to her house if hes there.
2006-12-02 10:24:27 · answer #8 · answered by LilMissH 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have made your feelings pretty clear, if your mother cannot accept that you feel uncomfortable in your own family home, then I think that spending Christmas at home in your own house would make quite a change for you and your partner.
2006-12-03 02:58:24 · answer #9 · answered by bty912324 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't contact you mom for a while. Let it cool off for abit. In the mean time think about if you really want to go. Christmas only comes once a year. If you do want to go contact your mom and tell her you would like to spend the day with her and your family. Don't worry about it. Go and have a good time. If he is there pretend hes not. Talk to him only if he speaks to you. Be an adult. Don't let him ruin your day. If him being there really bothers you and you can't handle it. Thank your mom for including you, excuse yourself and leave. Good luck!! I hope it works out allright. Egnore the bad-focus on the good.
2006-12-02 11:25:08 · answer #10 · answered by Hinny 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋