How do you get your 16 year old son to Phone you and let you know where he is and if he is not coming home at night, where he is going to be?. He is very big for 16 and most people think he is 20. So he has gotten into the habit of not letting his mom know anything about his private life. He says he is not a baby and he wishes we all would leave him alone. Help.
2006-12-02 09:44:51 · 9 answers · asked by Diane G 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I wouldn't put this in a harsh way but I'd let him know that as long as he is living under your care, he needs to respect your role as his parent. If he gets into trouble with the law, then you are still liable as his parent, I think. If you are supporting him with cash (to go out and do what he likes) I'd not give him any until he can go by your rules. But, again, I'd say this all with respect to him as a person because he is growing up and you don't want to push him away from you. Good luck!
2006-12-02 09:51:31 · answer #1 · answered by googie 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He obviously was given a little too much leeway, as this is a behaviour that is learned. You didn't make him accountable for a period of time and now he thinks he can do what he wants.
Remember it is your home and if you do not enforce rules and stick to them, why should he.
You were obviously too busy to enforce any rules, so now you have a problem.
You need to sit down with him and tell him about your expectations of him and the consideration you would like.
You have to give him the same consideration and not yell, get mad or freak while talking to him... You need to let him talk, and bite your tongue while you listen, don't butt in... He might have certain feelings about how things have been in the past also that got him to this place. Listen, it is important to hear about his needs....
After you have spoken together you need to lay down some ground rules and write up a contract. if possible or post them on the fridge.....for everyone to see. You need to explain to him there will be consequences if he doesn't follow them and let him know what the consequences will be... No tv, stereo, phone friends over , going out... whatever.
Be realistic on your times for him to be home, as he has pretty well been doing his thing so far...
This will be a start and there will probably be a few slips, but don't get upset, he has to change his habits as well as you...
You both will have to give a little to make it work. miracles don't usuallly happen over night....it will take time, but don't give up. be consistent.... he needs some boundaries and will eventually respect them...
2006-12-02 18:06:22 · answer #2 · answered by doclakewrite 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he is a normal 16 year old, sometimes you just have to trust him, the more you fight the less influence you will have with him, it's a tough time for him too, so give him some space.
make a list of specific rules with specific punishments
if you're not home by 10:30 (or whatever, be reasonable) you have to call, if he violates the rules take away the things he cares about: the car, the TV, the video game, (never stand in the way of true love, you will not win)
2006-12-02 17:55:35 · answer #3 · answered by j. a. prufrock 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sad as it may seem, time for tough love.
I think it's too late for the softer stuff. He doesn't respect you. Thinks he can come and go as he pleases? He's all grown up now?
Change the locks. Let him pay rent or room and board somewhere else. Tell him you love him, still want to see him, hear from him, but until he can respect others in the home and you he cannot live there anymore.
Don't let him take "HIS STUFF" that YOU bought him. But do pack up any belongings he bought himself and let him have those.
He wants to be a grown up, let him see that responsibility comes with being an adult.
Good luck to you. You may also want to get in touch with a Tough love support group in your area.
2006-12-02 17:52:45 · answer #4 · answered by L 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well you need to let him know that you are still in charge, so you need to talk to him and put him some rules.
You could start by telling him that if he wants to get money for you, food and a place to stay then he just need to let you know where he is, and at what time he´s coming back.
He says he´s not a baby and would like to be left alone then dont give him money!!! but tell him that, and you´ll see how he starts letting u know some things.
2006-12-02 17:50:39 · answer #5 · answered by Mexicana 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well for one he is a minor, you can get the cops to go get him from wherever he is. Also towns and cities have curfews and if he gets in trouble guess who gets in trouble to. Well who pays for his clothes, food he eats, and if he has a cell phone? Well if he think she's a man tell him he has to put up with himself and needs to get a job and be responsible like a real man. Because for one if you don't stop him now what you going to do with him when he's 25 and he's still living at home. Just make him go to school if he skips school don't fix it for him cause if you do he will keep doing it. If he's not ins choo; call the counselor and tell them he should be inschool and the counslor will send a cop looking for him and take him to school. HE doesn't want to be treated like a kid don't act like one. But be firm because when something happens he will expect you to bail him out so don't let him know who in charge.
2006-12-02 18:11:15 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
i dont mean to sound rude but the is a reason its called a private life. as for the phoning part i would recomend a small pusishment or taking away a privlage untill he learns
2006-12-02 19:31:46 · answer #7 · answered by FoxCraftCreations 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well my advice to the mom is not to worry so much. If her son is in trouble he would call her. And sons are sons. They don't pay attention and they don't listen. The mom is askin for something that is never going to happen. LOL
2006-12-02 18:03:29 · answer #8 · answered by Avie 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Put his wanna be grown butt out your house,or lock him out until he can respect the rules of the house.
2006-12-02 17:48:57 · answer #9 · answered by master_der_man 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋