I have a college professor who is so against men holding the door open for women. I really do not get what is wrong with it. She says they [men] are implying that you cannot do it for yourself. My thinking is well how do know what he is thinking? I can't read minds! Maybe he just does it for everyone. Maybe he has a crush on me and wants to make a good impression. My point is I do not know. Is it not hypocritical for said Professor to criticize a man for ASSUMING a woman cannot open a door, and then not criticize herself for ASSUMING that everyman opens doors for women because they are sexist? Why then, was SHE offended when a guy held the door open for me (I was carrying a bunch of books by the way) when I entered her class, and I said thank you? I just don’t get it!
2006-12-02 06:41:17 · 21 answers · asked by pinacoladasundae 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
It seems the only seemingly sexist person was she. It's true, I don't think she would have had the same reaction if it was a woman who held the door open.
2006-12-02 06:51:50 · update #1
Holding the door for someone is a sign of courtesy. I personally hold the door for both women and men, and I'm a woman. Being courteous is a sign of good manners and of thinking of someone else besides yourself. Your professor is waaaay off base and obviously has some issues.
2006-12-02 06:49:26 · answer #1 · answered by clarity 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
What you don't know (and neither does the prof) is whether this same person holds doors open for anyone regardless of gender or age or capability. Would she get mad if someone let the door slam in her face? Anyone who gets to the door first should hold it open, and if there's a line of people coming in/going out, hold for a couple people and then pass the door on to the next person.
Tell her it's called common courtesy, and it's a lost art. Ask her if she holds doors! Does she ignore a disabled person having a problem with the door?
I hate to say it, but it's women like her that give the rest of the female population a bad rep.
2006-12-02 14:58:49 · answer #2 · answered by chefgrille 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I always hold a door open for both men and women when I think they might need it (like carrying books). It is just polite. I don't know why the professor would think it is sexist, I was brought up that was how you treated a lady.
2006-12-02 14:48:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The reality is that you have NO IDEA what the man is thinking.
Yes, it is ridiculous for the Professor to assume anything about the door holder.If the door holder was female, would that make the door holder gay and on the make?
If you hands were full, the gentleman in question was being polite. Be glad someone opened the door, say thank you, and go on
2006-12-02 14:47:53 · answer #4 · answered by afternoon 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not to sound like more of the same, but no, there is nothing necessarily wrong with a man holding a door open for a woman. The man could have had any number of intentions.
Perhaps your professor was right that he held open the door simply because he was a man, you were a woman, and that is what he was "supposed to do" because of your genders. Guys like that really irritate me, probably for the same reason they irritate her. I have seen this obviously sexist behavior on dates. One guy was Mr. Charm, holding the door open for me and letting it close on the gentleman just behind me. Another guy was somewhat funnier. We were walking along with him trailing about seven feet behind me. When I got about two feet from the door, he literally jumped forward and stood directly in front of me so I had to wait for him to open the door. The last guy was similar. I had pushed the door (not a heavy one that was hard to open) halfway ajar when he stopped it with his hand and said, "Allow me." Both guys obviously expected that I was "supposed to" wait for them. (Neither of them had an apologetic demeanor that would suggest they were simply thinking, "my bad, what would my mother say").
If I get the vibe that traditional gender roles are important to a man, I am usually immediately turned off. As far as long-term relationship potential is concerned, I have to wonder. Does he expect that his girlfriend or spouse do most of the house work? Will he insist on driving every time (even in her car)? If you both work, is it mom and not dad who will end up staying home every time the kids are sick? Would he prefer a stay-at-home wife? I don't want a guy who expects me to act like a "typical" woman.
Back to the guy at the door, however. Just because some guys are sexist doesn't mean women can't be every bit as bad. For all your professor knows, maybe this guy has had female friends, relatives, or girlfriends who were high maintenance princesses bite his head off or accuse him of being a jerk for not waltzing in front of them and rolling the red carpet out ahead of them. Decent guys don't like it when people perceive them as jerks, and I would say most try to avoid it where possible.
And yes, some guys actually open doors because they are nice people who like doing favors for other people, especially people with their arms loaded with heavy books who could use a favor. That is not a bad motivation. It makes him the kind of guy you want to keep around for awhile.
2006-12-02 17:46:38 · answer #5 · answered by curiousme 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's probably a hold over from the sexist women's movement. In their eyes all men were these evil creatures that looked down on all women.
I hold the door for men, women and children, for women that don't appeal to me and for people with their hands full too. Does that make me a sexist or are these politically correct idiots just reducing by one more the things we can do to be polite to our fellow humans?
2006-12-02 14:53:54 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't care if its men OR women... Holding the door open for anyone is just plain common courtesy! Any jackass, whether male or female, who would not hold a door for my grandmother or grandfather needs a swift hit in the head with a shovel.
This professor appears to need a wack upside the head or a shrink!!
2006-12-02 16:14:18 · answer #7 · answered by Kitty 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow! That's so stupid. I am female and I hold the door open for people. I'm not going to let it slam in their face. What is wrong with that lady. I think it's rude when people don't hold the door for you, especially when you are carrying stuff. What about people in a wheelchair who are trying to get into a store and have to wheel up to the door, hold on to it while trying to move back with it, and then let it go and try to get in before the door shuts on them. I think your professor needs help.
2006-12-02 14:58:41 · answer #8 · answered by r_finewood 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She was wrong. A man holds the door open for a woman to show that he has manners, and that he is just being considerate. I think it's nice for a man-or a woman for that matter- to hold open the door for you-man or woman, it shows common curteousy and respect
2006-12-02 16:10:31 · answer #9 · answered by Hollywood Girl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hold the door open for both men and women, I just think it is polite, not sexist.
2006-12-02 14:44:38 · answer #10 · answered by Hannah's Grandpa 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋