My dad has been an alcoholic as long as I can remember and has been making life miserable. Approximately 2 months ago, my dad and I got into a fight and he swore at me, and hit my car and shut off my cell phone service. We hadn't spoken since then as he told me I wasn't welcome in his house.
But today randomly he called me and talked as though nothing was wrong and asked me to come over so he could change the tires on my car.
I don't really want to talk to him, but he his ill (his liver is failing) so I'm not sure if I should go and try and talk to him or just say I'm done taking his crap...etc.
This wouldn't be such a big problem if it didn't happen all of the time. Generally, he gets drunk, gets mad and then expects apologies from me... I just don't want to deal with it anymore, but he IS my dad... So confused. Help, please!
2006-12-02 05:36:59 · 7 answers · asked by StarlightRedemption 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
If your dad had cancer and he was in a bad mood sometimes because of it--would you be there for him?
When your mom goes through menopause she will be very very erratic emotionally and not easy to deal with at all--will you still be there for her?
If you are ever hurt by a man so deep into your heart that you feel you will never heal--will you want someone to still be there for you even if you are no fun to be with at that time?
Understand this--your dad has an illness-yes it was his irresponsible behavior that caused him to have this illness-but he has it nonetheless. Walking out on him will teach him nothing and gain you even less.It is time to kick in the tough love. By all means go and let him change your tires--if he can remember that he said it in the first place! When you are visiting him only stay if he is not drinking or his behavior is acceptable, if there is even a slight cue that he may get out of hand stand up and say nicely-well I have to go now--Dad you know I cant stay when you act like this-eventually if he wants you to stick around he will make small changes in his behavior so you can be there--this is only to buy you time because if his liver is failing, you probably do not have much time left with him, and you do not want to have future regrets that your last moments with him were hateful-do the right thing for both of you--understand he is no longer an adult but a child when he is drinking..protect yourself, but be kind.
2006-12-02 05:52:36 · answer #1 · answered by Wendy G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do have a dilemma, because your father's liver is failing and he's drinking. He may not be long for this planet. Since I'm sure you want to see your dad before he passes away, you need to have a big talk with him. Explain to him how important it is for you to have a relationship with him, but how difficult his drinking makes it for this to be. I would first accept the fact that he is not going to quit drinking, it may be too late for an intervention and neither of you want spend your time together dwelling on his drinking. That doesn't mean he can't make some exceptions for you. Possibly you could visit him before he starts drinking. He may be the type to drink all day, so this might just be a short morning visit. The trick is to leave when he STARTS drinking, not when he's drunk and belligerent. Your final memories will at least be pleasant, and you never know, he might start putting off drinking so he can spend some time with you. Who knows, he might just open up to that intervention after all.
2006-12-02 13:55:32 · answer #2 · answered by squang 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well regardless of what he does or say he is your father and will be with you hopefully a long time.
Try to bypass his anger, show him that you are the bigger person don't apoligize for something he started.
I think that when he is sober you should sit down and talk to him let him know that when he does stuff like that it hurts you very much.
The reason that I am advising you this is because I to had the same problem and finally one day I counldn't take it anymore and I told my dad that he need to stop doing that. And he did
2006-12-02 14:01:48 · answer #3 · answered by Nena 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Develop the best relationship possible with your dad, just because he is your dad. He won't always be around and you don't want to live with the regret of how you might have made things different, after he's gone and it's too late to change anything.
Yeah, I know he's a mess from what you said, but he's the only father you'll have and no one can take his place in your heart.
2006-12-02 18:16:06 · answer #4 · answered by delmaanna67 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Welcome to the life of an alcoholic. There is no way you will be able to change him, but you can certanly set some boundaries. If you go over there and see that he has been drinking, then just leave. If he is sober, enjoy the thoughtfulness of him changing your tires.
You should really read the book "Adult Children of Alcoholics" it is wonderful. Really helped me realize why I am the way I am , etc.
Good luck!
2006-12-02 13:51:14 · answer #5 · answered by twest_dgo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think maybe you should tell hijm that if he is gonna get drunk and stuff then you are not goin 2 his house, but if he dosnt promise 2 stay sober then u would rather not get into another trajic arguement...even if he's your father...and has liver faliure....u shouldnt have 2 b caught up in his problems untill they are all fixed..( i mean the drinking problems)
2006-12-02 14:03:28 · answer #6 · answered by angelskies537 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give him a chance before it is too late.
2006-12-02 13:55:29 · answer #7 · answered by leazngurl 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋