They all spoke to each other in their native tounge, and, as I don't understand Spanish, I could not understand a word they were saying. I felt so uncomfortable there and uneasy that I could not wait for an excuse to go home. I'm not one to say that if you're in America, you should only speak American. I'm bilingual myself (Italian-American). But I felt so left out of the celebration and can honestly say that this is the worst Thanksgiving I've ever had. I will never accept another invitation to this friend's house. Am I wrong to feel this way. How would you feel? Is there anything I could have done differently? Why did I feel so uncomfortable about the whole situation?
2006-12-02 04:02:46 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
What really bums me out is that I had also been invited to spend Thanksgiving with my family and turned it down in order to go to my friend's house. Never again will I let myself be put in that situation.
2006-12-02 12:47:32 · update #1
No, you're right despite what politically correct people might say.
There isn't much you could have done to change the situation.
Just chalk it up to lesson learned.
2006-12-02 04:06:23 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are totally justified in your feelings. Your friends family was rude plan and simple. Why invite someone over if you don't plan on interacting with them? That made do sense and it was disrespectful. I went to a friends house the day after Thanksgiving and they were telling family stories (things I had no clue about) but they made a point to explain what they were talking about so I wouldn't feel left out. Even if there were family members there that didn't speak english your friend should have atleast translated to include you. Sorry your thanksgiving was a bummer.
2006-12-02 12:14:16 · answer #2 · answered by whoamitojudge 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are not wrong to feel that way at all. It was very rude of your host not to be considerate to the fact that you don't speak Spanish and she should have made it a point to try to include you in the conversation. The only thing that I think you could have done would be to ask your host after every sentence, "I didn't understand that, could you translate for me?" The reason why you felt uncomfortable is probably because you were invited to your friend's house and then made to feel like a fifth wheel.
2006-12-02 12:09:03 · answer #3 · answered by FlyChicc420 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I would have felt exactly the same way that you did. And I probably would have done exactly what you did.
It was THEIR mistake. While you probably can't expect them to speak English exclusively. Especially if maybe some older relatives don't speak English. But they could have done a better job of making you feel welcome and included in the celebration.
And I'm sure you were gracious in your escape.
If you friend asks you again, I think there's no harm in letting her know why you are reticent. Just don't be cruel. Just let her know that while you appreciate the gesture, you felt very uncomfortable because you couldn't follow or be included in the conversations around you. I'm sure she'll apologize for your discomfort and maybe she'll make a better effort at making sure that you feel included next time.
2006-12-02 12:46:37 · answer #4 · answered by mrssamikeyp 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can understand how you would feel uncomfortable. It's rude to speak a language not understood by all at the dinner table. However, don't let this affect your acceptance of other invitations. You had a great opportunity to witness another culture. If you find yourself in a situation like this again, try to appreciate your up-close view of another family's traditions. And, of course, be mindful to never leave a guest out of your conversations, lest you be as rude as your host.
2006-12-02 12:13:12 · answer #5 · answered by rutheo 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It was a very uncomfortable situation for you to be in. You must give the invited relatives the benefit of the doubt though. They had no way of knowing that you could not understand or speak Spanish. It was up to your hostess to include you in the conversation. You could have discreetly excused yourself from the table and asked to speak to your friend in a different room and explained the situation to her. I am sure she would have understood..
2006-12-02 13:47:07 · answer #6 · answered by Toni T 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it was incredibly rude of the person who invited you not to say something about the situation. I would have left.
I had a friend who was a Mexican. Once when I was at her house she made supper and afterwards asked me if I knew what I had just ate? I said no and she said tongue. She knew I wouldn't have ate it had I known which was the point not that tongue is bad. That was part of the reason we are no longer firends.
I'm all for keeping your culture alive and retaining traditions, but sometimes it's offensive and rude in the wrong situation. People need to learn the difference.
2006-12-02 12:15:08 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
No, that was very rude of them. They wouldn't appreciate it if they came to your house and all you spoke was Italian. Your friend should have at least included you into the conversation-I'm sure some of them speak English. She invited you to her house, you were a guest and she should have made sure that you were comfortable and included in the conversation.
2006-12-02 12:10:42 · answer #8 · answered by Annie 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your friend invited you to her family's house on a special occaison, and you dropped the ball. You should of endured the difference of languages and smiled for all you were worth. Next time if the invite should cross your path, ask and see what is going on instead of walking in blind. But first you must remember the person is your friend.
2006-12-02 12:15:28 · answer #9 · answered by bigkenny51 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you are not wrong to feel this way,,,,, one should always try to make their quest feel comfortable, your friend should of made the effort to speak with you in english, so should any of her relatives who spoke english,,
you felt uncomfortable because you felt left out, and you were,,,, i really dont know of anything you could of done, you might of spoken to your friend, but then if they started speaking more english you would of felt they only did it because they felt pressured
the only excuse for them totally speaking spanish, was if none of them beyond you friend, spoke english,,,,, if this was the case,,,, the friend should of warned you, and made special effort to include you, explain what was being said etc
2006-12-02 12:08:22 · answer #10 · answered by dlin333 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You weren't wrong to feel this way. It was very rude of her to put you in that situation.She should've been more accomodating, and should've made the sacrifice of including you in the festivities, being that you were her guest and you gave up Thanksgiving dinner with your family to spend it with another.
2006-12-02 12:25:11 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋