Why do people in support groups always complain no one is there, and when someone reaches out, they ignore it?

Question

I suffer from social phobia, and I'm dealing with abuse from my past. I visit support groups online, and people with the same problems will meet daily for months, years, explaining how they have no friends, how no one is there, and how much they really wish they could "meet" others like them. But when the opportunity arises, they NEVER take advantage of it? I have tried to plan safe public meetings, and these people will always cancel at the last minute, or show no interest in attending a group near their home, with people exactly like them. I just don't get it.

I sometimes wonder, if people just enjoy talking about their pain, or just want to compare who has the worst life. I can understand fear of meeting people who don't understand, or people who are not going through what you are. But why the reluctance to meet the people you're complaining to everyday, with the same issues and fears? Especially when you keep saying, I wish we all could meet. Confused in Illinois.

By the way, I'm sure everyone is not like this. But these are the type of people I've encountered. Also, I now understand why people who are not dealing with these issues, eventually lose patience, and move on. I'm dealing with anxiety, and it's starting to test my patience. I'm thinking that maybe a group with others dealing with the same problems is not the answer for me. Perhaps I need to try a different route, but not sure what. I don't want to just sit around talking about what's wrong, what's not working, and how sad we are. I want to meet people who want to get better and use support to grow stronger, not to have pity parties.

Answer 1

Some people don't move on from complaining and for some it is part of the healing process - talking about something lessens its impact. You can support other people but you can't 'help' them. If you are ready to move on, find ways for yourself to do that, and more power to you! If you feel obligated, you can also try to point out the obvious in a non-threatening way: for example: "Last time we were to meet you canceled. What (time/place) would suit you so you don't have to cancel?" ignore excuses and go back to a question. Maybe they will see what they are doing. Maybe not.

Answer 2

Online support groups for social phobia? It's that like a Procrastinator's Anonymous group putting off a meeting? Doesn't that defeat the purpose of overcoming social anxiety?

Answer 3

for online groups thats part of the pathology. Have to have contact group for that disorder.