they have 6 cats , all declawed , who live outside. i am HIGHLY allergic to cats and they come to my house to spray and shed and hang out on and under my porch (wrap around). they go home to eat on their front porch (not inside).
one day over the summer i got SO fed up with these rodants that i walked up to the neighbors' door and banged on it for 20 minutes till she answered the door. i threw her cat inside and started screaming at the top of my lungs at her about her rodants being on my property and not staying IN her house because they have no claws. no self defense!
she FREAKED out and had to have someone stay with her for about 4 months nonstop 24 -7.
i used to get along with these people and i've told them for 2 years how allergic i am to cats and how i did not want them near me or my home or my property. i explained how they bother my asthma and bronchitis. they kept letting their cats out! the husband told me that they are a comfort to his wife with brain cancer.
2006-12-02 02:27:43 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
if they are such a comfort to his wife , shouldn't they have been inside cats? with no claws , shouldn't they be inside cats?
i haven't spoken with them since i went OFF on his wife. now she's dead. what do i say , if anything, to him?
this is a couple who got married young, had kids young, and he has done nothing but go to work, come home to take care of his wife and go back to work. he's been an awesome husband to her.
it's not that i don't like THEM (the neighbors). i can't be around cats! (i do love cats, don't get me wrong. i'm allergic) what do i say or do?
2006-12-02 02:32:27 · update #1
the first time i met the neighbor man i was getting my mail. he walked out to the cul-de-sac and we started talking. i was fine at first. then he picked up his cat and started petting it. within 15 minutes he was taking me to the hospital. the doctor told his it was my allergies and told him how bad they are and told him to make sure the cats are not around me again or this will happen again. he KNOWS EXACTLY HOW allergic i am. i do have other allergies that don't bother me as much, but this allergy is the worst my doctors have ever seen.
2006-12-02 23:29:10 · update #2
I take comfort in getting drunk off my azz to forget about the wife and kids I abandoned. That doesn't mean I need to do it on your doorstep though. What I am saying is put things in perspective. While it is sad to have a neighbor die it isn't really the squabble over the cats that you are hurting about, it is the loss of a fellow human being. The best I can say is try to address things better in the future, usually when the probelm begins is a good time to address them instead of waiting until you are mad. But don't kick yourself over her death, you didn't cause the brain cancer and her discomfort doesn't mean he had the right to impose on you.
I think you are maybe looking for a way to express your condolences. If nothing else leave him a card doing just that. You also seem to need some closure on the cat issue but wait for a better time. Something real simple like, "I'm sorry for your loss. The world lost a special person and I hope you will let me know if I can do anything at all to help you thru this difficult time."
Just remember to distance yourself from any conversation regarding the cats right now as he is certainly not emotionally equipped to relive that at present.
2006-12-02 02:36:11 · answer #1 · answered by Red Winged Bandit 4 · 3⤊ 2⤋
Steps:
1) Send flowers with a written apology (no 'buts', just 'Im sorry' and what specifically about your behavior you are sorry for). See things from their eyes when writing it. To explain the time-lapse, say you havent been able to live w/ yourself since then due to your behavior.
2) After they have gotten it, wait a day or 2 and then follow up with a verbal apology. The more said the better - exactly what you did, the effect on them etc. etc. No 'buts', no justifications.
3) If they recieve it okay, ask them if they would be open to sitting together and figuring out a solution that would work for both of you. If you want, you can suggest inviting a professional mediator to sit in and help (get by googling 'mediation association' for your location. Call them and ask for a recommendation). It will cost maybe 1-200$ but will be worth it. Do not ask your neighbors to split the cost unless they offer - you've got something to make up for and should therefore go the extra mile.
4) Before you sit down with them, research some solutions yourself. Call pet stores and speak to owners/managers. Call vets or animal care places/animal control places and sound them out for ideas. Call people that do fencing or invisible fencing. Just try to come prepared with a variety of solutions. Be aware that simply keeping the cats in will most likely not be acceptable to the neighbors. Some fencing for you may be an option - even invisible fencing. Hopefully, this will lead to some solution. A solution that makes all happy will require cost and effort most likely.
5) If the mediation/discussion route doesnt pan out, you can always explore the rules for your locale regarding loose pets. Call city hall and ask for 'animal control' and get the details. Then you can find out what would be appropriate action. Do not do anything that would result in harm to their pets - very bad (very bad) karma for you.
Good luck!!
2006-12-02 10:44:09 · answer #2 · answered by cyclgrrl 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'm not sure what your question is, but I'm sure that cats are not rodents. If the cats bother you, maybe you can spray some ammonium on your porch. Cats hate the smell of that. I'm sure there are other things you can spray around your house to prevent cats from coming there. If you're worried about the cats quality of living you can contact a vet or an animal shelter to see if they can do something about it. As for your neighbor: offer him your condolences and just leave him alone. He's in enough grief as it is.
2006-12-02 10:44:54 · answer #3 · answered by chocolatebunny 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You must feel horrible..
Perhaps send the husband a card offering your condollences, this might be the ice breaker you need to actually talk to him..
Explain to him about your allergy, and how that day you had just had enough of the cats on your property, explain the spraying and what not, but don't go overboard.
Mostly, apologize for exploding at his wife that day.
It really doesn't matter if you are not sorry.. this is about respecting the dead, and offering support to your neighbour in his time of need.. He just lost his soul-mate.. Surely you can swallow a little pride?
Best of luck.
2006-12-03 07:04:39 · answer #4 · answered by evil_nykki 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Am not sure about your question.
1) Do you want to say something nice to your neighbour now that his wife has died? And you don't know how to do that, because of the day that you fell out against her?
or
2) Now that she has died, you see no reason why he should keep those cat that make you sick, and you want our help to get rid of these cats once and for all?
Answer to option 1:
Just have some flowers delivered to him, with a friendly note stating: "We have not been on speaking terms for a long time. However, I do wish to express my deepest condolences for your great loss. Your neighbour, (name)"
After this, you leave it up to him to catch up contact with you -- or not. Be sure to greet him if you meet in the street.
Answer to option 2:
Allow your neighbour to grieve over the loss of his wife, the cats are not the number one issue at this moment. Meanwhile, talk to a pet store and ask for suggestions on how to keep those cats away from your house. As long as they do not get INTO your house, how can they have effect on your allergy?
Good luck!
2006-12-02 11:02:36 · answer #5 · answered by Endie vB 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hey sis!
i used to work for her years ago. i've already told you how she was before she was sick. that's probably the reason she got sick in the first place. they are nasty, vile, dirty people. ask your husbands ex wife! the kids aren't much cleaner. i've never known the oldest girl to wear anything not wrinkled ,not stained and not smelly!
hopefully he can clean up his yard since he won't be spending all his time caring for his wife now.
to the answer who said something about if the cats are on his property the wind will blow cat hair into their yard........ you have NO IDEA! the cats spray ON her porch. she's been hospitalized several times because of their cats! her house (even inside) smells like CAT. it's NASTY. my sisters' yard is alway immaculate - except for cat poo and puke. she ownes a dog and even cleans up after it - it's a 4 pound dog - the cats are bigger than her dog and she cleans up after it.
sis, heres what to do.
NOTHING.
2006-12-02 11:09:24 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i agree with the fact that declawed cats should be kept indoors. the rest of it is bulls**t! cats that are out side shouldn't bother your allergies at all. there are many other allergens out doors. maybe you should invest in a bubble. for you to treat a person with brain cancer that way is disgusting. by the way, what is the question here? is this just a rant or can you just not deal with your conscience? do you need to feel validated? lets put it this way , if the cats did stay on there own property, wouldn't the wind blow cat hair onto your property and in your windows anyway? cats are not rodents, which you spelled wrong anyway.they are feline.why didn't you call animal control instead of harassing the LADY WITH BRAIN CANCER?
2006-12-02 10:50:32 · answer #7 · answered by punkbun03 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋
I'm not sure I understand the question. Are you asking about what you should do about his wife's death, or about the cats?
As far as his wife's death goes, you can always say something like, "I'm sorry for your loss." and/or send a card or flowers.
(P.S. Cats are not rodents. If someone told me to keep my rodent off the property, I would not realize that he was talking about a cat. I thought I'd just let you know that your neighbor may not have understood you.)
2006-12-03 00:21:29 · answer #8 · answered by drshorty 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
What the hell is a matter with you? Just take a hose or a squirt gun filled with water and splash them. My neighbor's cat comes over all the time to torment my cat and i simply turn on the sprinklers.Now it hardly ever comes over. so why on earth are you so damned cruel.
My only wish for you is that you are shown the same compassion and care you gave to this woman who was dying.
While allergies are a pain in the butt and hard to deal with, it is nothing compared to cancer. JUST GET OVER IT.
2006-12-02 22:51:38 · answer #9 · answered by copestir 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think you pretty much burned that bridge when you threw her cat at her in the doorway. Leave them alone. And I think maybe you are using that "allergic to the cats" as an excuse.
2006-12-02 15:50:12 · answer #10 · answered by sheeny 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋