Your opinion is needed?

Question

I have never been married before, but my boyfriend of 2 years was married once before. We talked about marriage the other day, and he wants to cut everything out. he wants a simple family wedding, and no recepction. His first wedding (I believe) was a full blown wedding. Anyway I am not okay with this. I don't want a full blown wedding, but I would like something. So if you have been married before give me your opinoin on what you would do if you were to get married again.
This would be my first marriage. Is he being respectfull of me?

Answer 1

who @ bubbles slow down there. this is how to resolve them getting married, not convice her to break up...

me and my finacee went through same thing. does he want to get married, and i know u do and although a wedding isa 'brides biggest day' its a day for the 'loveing couple' i would go through list by list of waht each of you doesn't want and does want, start with where u agree, there must be something where u do, start there. atleast that gets some plans in motion. then i would move from topic to topic, u may not get what u want, but relationships is all about coming to an agreement where u both can live happily, well he doesn't want a huge wedding and u do.. well maybe u guys can agree on say 100 people, or maybe he doesn't want to be formal and u do, well maybe he only has to wear a suit not a tux,each wedding it supposed to be what the couple wants, just because u see all this wedding stuff this way or that way doesn't not mean yours HAS to be this way. every girl wants to have a great wedding, but us guys DONT thinnk about that nearly as much, or almost at all until we get into a serious relationship. dont push him too hard and dont be super stubborn, because of his obviously bad marriage he may be pushed into having cold feet. also, remeber

A WEDDING IS JUST A SYMBOL A CELEBRATION IF U WILL OF YOUR LOVE. BUT THE REAL LOVE COMES FROM YOUR HEARTS. WETHER U GET MARRIED IN A CATHEDRAL IN ROME, OR IN YOUR BACKYARD, YOUR FEELINGS FOPR EACHOTHER IS WHATS IMPORTANT

Answer 2

He is being selfish, I am getting married soon for the second time and so is he and we go back and forth compromising on what we want as far as wedding activities, he is a man man that thinks that most of the decisions should be made by the man and I shared with that this is not just your wedding and we need to make decisions together. Tell him exactly how you feel in a none nagging way.Tell him that you two need to come to a mutual agreement on the activities because the wedding is for BOTH of you not just him.

Answer 3

Sit your boyfriend down when the time isn't stressful for either of you.
Tell him you understand his feelings but that you have feelings as well.
Explain to him that even though you don't want a lavish wedding you do want one the one you want.
If he feels that it was a waste since the first one didn't work out, that's normal. But that isn't your fault. And it isn't any ceremony or wedding that makes a marriage.

If he can not understand or come to some compromise on this where you both are happy, then I would seriously think about marrying such a person. Even though it takes a lot of planning this is ONE day out of your life. How do you think the rest of your life would go?

Answer 4

You should respect eachothers wishes. My husband wanted to elope - I wanted a more traditional wedding. I was VERY happy with the decision we made to have a very small wedding - 60 guests, a late (8 pm) candlelight ceremony and a cocktail reception (no dinner). There was just enough tradition - it was not stuffy and there were enought people to make it feel like a celebration but not so many that we didn't get a chance to talk to EVERYONE there!!! The wedding was not too expensive (less then $5000) and we were both happy with the end result (we're married and NOT broke!). We jokingly talk about getting divorced so we can do it again (with eachother of course!!!)

Good luck!

Answer 5

I just got married 2 months ago. It was a lot of work and very stressful. God forbid, if this marriage doesn't work out and I get remarried, I would probably go to Vegas or something. But, if the other person hasn't been married yet, I can definitely see how they would want a normal wedding. So I could come to a compromise. He needs to see your needs and wants and compromise. I don't blame you for being upset.

Answer 6

I think you should tell him why you feel the way you do. Explain to him that you have never gotten married and you want the whole affair.

Let him know you are willing to COMPROMISE on some things. Like maybe instead of having a 250+ person wedding, maybe you can keep it under 100. Etc.

Also, who is paying for the wedding? If your parents are footing the bill they should have some say.

If he instists it's his way or the highway, then yes, he is being disrespectful.

Answer 7

Honey he is not respecting you. If he did seen as he had a marriage before & you hadnt. I am sure you had dreamed of the Fairy Tale Princess wedding (you know what i mean right) & i think every girl deserves that dispite everything. If he respected you & loved you he would listen to you & also respect your decision of having a wedding ceromany

Answer 8

I think it's pretty selfish of your boyfriend to not even consider your feelings in the matter. Weddings are mostly for the bride anyway. It's her "BIG DAY!!!".

I can understand his reluctance having been through it and lost, but this is a whole new game. If he can't put his past behind him and continually compares his current relationship with you to the one he had in the past, you seriously might want to rethink keeping him. No one wants to be with someone who keeps comparing them with a previous relationship.

Answer 9

Well, you are putting yourself into this situation, by marrying someone who has been before. It is not "new" and special for both of you. I think he is right. The same would be true if he were the woman being married before. It is proper to keep it small and quiet.

Answer 10

just wanted to share with you what i want if i were to get married again (yes i was married). i would like to have a beautiful garden ceremony with family and close friends. Simplicity is key but that does not have to take away the fun element and the romance. flowers, jazz and great food and lots of booze...but most importantly the man that i want to be married to is there and happy to be marrying me...