I believe my BF of 3 years has a 2nd GF. Should I call her, ask him to leave, or continue pretending?

Question

For several months now he is making/receiving calls from a business associate. But the contents of the conversation that I've heard are NOT discussing any business. She lives in another state but that doesn't keep them from communicating via Email or cell phone several times daily. I've questioned him on numerous occasions but he denies everything. I just want to hear him admit this so I can pray, forgive, and move on. I have been faithful to him and being a Christian I know that I have to get past the anger and forgive him. The other day I asked him to swear on his Bible but he said no. So pretty much I have my answer, but I want & need to hear him say it. My heart is in such pain that the person I love and care for so much could do this to me. Right now I don't know what I want to do. No one enjoys mental stress and that is exactly what I'm facing.

Answer 1

Yes, being a Christian you do have to pray, forgive, and move on. However, praying, forgiving, and moving on doesn't, I repeat *does not* include letting him continue to cheat on you or even staying with him. You can forgive him and be friends, but you should not allow it to happen again or put yourself in the position where he may do it again (by staying with him if you don't trust him to give you the same respect of being faithful).

You don't need him to say it. Like you said, you have your answer. You're using his lack of saying it as an excuse to linger with him because you're not ready to leave him and it is difficult to leave him because you love him. God revealed to you what is going on. He expects you to make the right decision. God didn't reveal this truth of your bf's unfaithfulness just to keep you in pain, he let you know because he knew your bf wouldn't admit to it and God has someone out there even better for you and he wants you to take this information and use it to leave so you can be available to that faithful man he has waiting for you. Don't shortchange yourself, you can do much better. It hurts right now because you love your bf and he hurt you. It will hurt much, much worse and much longer if you stay in the relationship. Your bf is not your husband. Remember this. If a husband cheated and loves you he would go to counseling with your pastor and pray with you and truly do what he could to stop and heal the relationship. If you bf is cheating on you now and not willing to do the things a Christian husband should do when he accepts his wrong and wants forgiveness, then you need to leave him right now. If you ignore this or don't take it seriously it shows everyone and your bf you think low of yourself. Your bf will think low of you too and continue to disrespect you by lying and cheating. You're a child of God. Act like it. Use the knowledge God gave you of your bf's wrongs to accept this. Ask God for the strength to do what you know you must do, because it won't be easy. However, you're blessed here because you can do anything though God that strengthens you.

Answer 2

All the stress you are causing, you're doing this all to yourself. If you want to hear him admit something, nothing he says (which could be the truth) is going to make you happy. You need to accept the fact that he could be telling the truth and just MOVE ON. The more you bombard him about this, the more he is going to shy away from you and the less you are going to trust him. What you are doing to the both of you is very hurtful and is not going to end happy.

You are being jealous of this other person he is talking to. Why? Maybe you aren't treating him like a man, maybe you aren't giving him enough of YOUR attention, and a big maybe here is because you are nagging him to death about something thats not true.

Now, i'm not saying be a slave to him, but men are simple. If you give him respect, love, praise, ect...he will walk over hot coals just to get a tissue if you sneeze. But since you have your panties up in a bind about wanting to hear admit to something he is telling the truth about, he is gonna ignore you!!!

So, get over this "i think he's cheating on me" bit, tell him how you REALLY feel, example! "honey, i've been feeling a little left out, when you talk to this buisness person. Lets turn off the cell phone for a few hours and have some "us" time..." I can bet you 10 dollars that he will turn off his cell phone, or whatever phone, and spend that few hours with you. But thats only if YOU are ready to admit that he's telling the truth.

Or, you can ask him, plain and simple, "I wish you wouldn't talk to this person more than you talk to me. I feel like I am not important in your life, like I am on hold...lets talk about this!" Say it without any GIRLIE emotions or tears. He'll perk right up, and problem solved!!

Answer 3

If you truly believe that your boy friend of three years has another girl on the side and he refuses to either admit or deny, it's time to move on. He will never give you the satisfaction of hearing it from his own lips because it will make him look like the scum he is. He is disrespecting you by not being honest - is this the kind of relationship you want anyway? Enough emotional abuse. You deserve better.

Answer 4

I understand where you are coming from I was in the same situation about a year ago and for me I had to find out the hard way I gain access to his voice mail and monitor his under wear every time he went to the shower. call me crazy but I had to protect my heart and give myself peace of mind,do what you have to do and when you get the results present it to him and the make your decision to either leave or stay for the long haul. I always follow your gut instinct I would have to say its 89% accurate. Best of luck.

Answer 5

Well you know he's cheating, so the best thing for you to do it to leave him ... he has no right to make you feel this way .... you are a good person and he's a cad.

If he's cheating now chances are even if they break up he'll find someone else to cheat on you with.

You need to break away, heal, pray and forgive him his shortcomings because he is obviously someone who needs to be prayed for ....

Answer 6

I've been there and I do feel sorry for you. I would like to say that a woman's instinct is usually right. Mine was, but like you I would fight it. Until one day I did see the truth, I confronted him, he finally admitted it and I was able to breathe again. Needless to say I Forgave him and I am still with him. But since then my instincts have been on the Low, and I feel so much better about our relationship. He was not technical seeing another woman, but he did have on line sexual relationships. And I found out it was nothing to do with me, but it was his own insecurities.
Good luck. and remember you got YOUR life to live

Answer 7

Temporarily remove yourself from the relationship and reflect on the issues at hand. Can you live another three years pretending while he is with one or more other people? Personally, I believe that no one deserves to be 'played' unless they agreed to that type of relationship initially.
During your separation he can decide what he wants to do also.
Best Wishes!

Answer 8

Now you have just proved a good one for all the Agnostic's in the world! EVEN CHRISTIANS CHEAT!!

YES, I'd defenitly call this woman, if you have her number. Why make your self mental? But all the prayers should work right?

Anyways, call this woman. Find out from her what it is he has been telling her. What can it hurt?

Answer 9

obviously he is NOT a ONE woman man
So you could NEVER had a serious relationship with him

By the way the reason he is seeing another girlfiend is there is something that he is looking for: what is it?

Answer 10

Pray and ask God how u should handle this situation. God Bless u my sister.