I have really low self-esteem. I always feel all my friends are smarter, prettier and more charming than me. They breeze through exams with better marks than me without needing to work as hard as I do. They look beautiful without trying and they have this 'born with it' charms that attracts others.
I feel like a loser but I don't want to admit this to my friends cuz it makes me feel like I'm such a failure and it might make them feel superior.
How do I boost my self-esteem and be more confident of myself?
2006-12-01 23:09:33 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
ronscott1951: For your info, I am a female.
2006-12-02 08:31:24 · update #1
You feel inferior because someone in your life (either past or present) has 'helped' you get those thoughts in your head.
My guess is a relative who maybe wanted to keep you humble or timid under the guise of keeping you down to earth.
Something you may want to ponder to find the source.
The road to higher self esteem may be a long one... I'll be honest, alot of work too. Most of your focus will be shutting up or changing the negative voices in your head.
Sure, there are superficial quick fixes you can do along the way... try a new flattering hairstyle, buy a cozy sweater in a yummy colour, try a little different makeup if you wear any.
If you don't work out try doing that... physical strength is a good emotional strengthener.
Volunteering will indeed help too... just make sure it's something you want to do.
It's great you have such talented friends. You have a source to help yourself with their tips...If they are really good friends ask them what they do to be prettier (beauty regime?) how they study (are they really smarter or do they have a good memory) and observe how or why they are charming... meaning... are they flirty, full of compliments, do they listen to people, are they comforting. Just watch them closely. Don't be afraid to ask questions and preface it with "This may be silly but..."
I'm not calling you a liar... your perception of your friends may be too clouded with your admiration. It's hard for me to believe they don't work as hard as you do. You don't know what they do at home. Looking beautiful without trying? Hard to believe too.. It just might look effortless to you.
If they are indeed your friends they won't feel superior, they'd use their " 'born with it' " charm to smooth it out. Just admit you have a bit of a tough time right now and could use some advice.
If you want to do it alone... confidence will come when you realize your own talents. Are you funny? Are you musical or in otherways artistic? Do kids or animals like you? What about work with your hands? Sewing, wood work etc.
Stop feeling like a loser because if you want to get rid of your friends being Miss Negative all the time will drive them away eventually, believe me. Maybe you need to laugh more.
I feel for you and I hope your journey to what you seek is relatively short and goes deeper than just appearances and what you think other people like.
Good luck!
(So sorry about how long this answer is but I just feel bad for you because I knew that feeling and it sucks so much and it seems so bleak... I found some of my confidence by hanging out with guy-friends and more so with gay guy friends... if anyone knows about fun and loving yourself it's my buddies--don't want to generalize but they told me the truth and that was it for me.)
2006-12-02 09:26:34 · answer #1 · answered by Gigi 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
That's a very tough mindset to get out of. You can try and use logic and reason: such as "well, if they are friends with ME, then I must have at least a few good qualities, otherwise they wouldn't even talk to me at all...". Also, you can use this train of thought: "I have to work harder to fit in, and look good, and act suave...so I should appreciate the rewards more than those that are born with it." But...reason can only do so much. Habit and custom are a big part of your mindset. When you wake up in the morning, look at your body and how amazing it is and think of all the good things about yourself. Think of all your good qualities throughout the day, and remember what someone once told me: "every good quality you see in someone else is actually something you like about yourself."
2006-12-02 07:16:39 · answer #2 · answered by radioflyer 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
The best way to boost self esteem is to help or volunteer with those less fortunante- I work with the mentally disabled, and handicapped- When I see how happy they are who have NOT- I feel I am so lucky and blessed- Concentrate on your positive attributes yiou do have them- You were intelligent enough to word this well and express yourself- that's 1 think good and I don't even know you- You have friends so that tells us you must have a warm personality- see ythat's nuber 2... work on improving your outlook of others ans soon your outlook about yourself will be soaring!
GOOD LUCK
2006-12-02 07:50:04 · answer #3 · answered by admiredi 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just think of all the pple who are less fortunate than you. Why should u be ashamed? Being better looking or better grades doesnt mean that they are anymore superior than u. Everyone is equal assuming ur normal, dont let urself fall in to superficiality. There wasnt such a superiority in a first place, dont keep dwelling on them and make them seem so important.
Dont be discouraged, keep on pushing urself, im sure ull do well.
2006-12-02 07:24:53 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hi! First of all: Start loving yourself!! Accept yourself as you are, with all your strengths and weaknesses. Noone is perfect, not your friends either! If you find it hard to love yourself, just act as if. The more you practise it, the more it becomes normalilty to you. Be good to yourself! Dont put others on a pedestal! Its not them putting themselves there, its you doing it. They may not even like you putting them up there. Dont focus on their achievements, but on your own achievements and positive aspects of you! You have them!! Just take a close look at them, write them down and whenever a negative thought about yourself crosses your mind, go through the list to bring home that you are a fab person!!
Best of luck. God bless. Gini
2006-12-02 07:22:03 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hey, Just chill ...life is not about comparisions.....not about someone is better looking than you...not about superior or inferior...
GOD has created all ...every one is unique...just feel good about youself..becasue its YOU...others love to be themselves and therefore are happy...the moment you wish to be someone else...your misery starts.
2006-12-02 07:18:32 · answer #6 · answered by sourabh 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
The key words to your question are: charming and beautiful, referring to guys. That means you like men, not women. You need to go to a gay site for you answer. Most here that I've seen are not gay. Ron Couch
2006-12-02 07:21:39 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋