my 22 year old daughter is driving me crazy at the moment?

Question

have 22 year old daughter, which has a lot of freedom, allowed to go where she wants, does what she wants, the only thing i ask is she calls me where ever she goes so i know that she has arrived safely, She lives with my husband and i and my younger daughter. She does no chores at home and when she comes from work every day she just lies on the couch and does nothing day in and day out. (works in child care) My problem at the moment is she has a female friend that she works with, and when i first met your had a bad gut feeling about her. Ive asked her not to hang around with her cause i have a bad feeling about her. She has lied to me about sleeping at other friends place over the last few months, but has actually been sleeping at her place. We caught her in the lie and had a huge argument, I always feel she is doing something wrong, as her attitude has totally changed since hanging around with this girl, now says wants to move out. which makes me feel she is up to no good.

Answer 1

Mom, girls will be girls. Look at it from her perspective... she must have put some thought into it to introduce you to her new found friend and now you are criticizing her for her "bad" judgment. Or maybe you're upset that your little girl is moving and maturing into her own life?! Whatever the case you are pushing her away for trying to mother her when she needs to grow and unfortunately sometimes you have to learn things the hard way in life. Even if you're right and this girl is a bad influence, you need to accept that you can't protect her from all the bad things in the world though I do think it's great you are looking out for her :) I understand how intuition works and it's usually right but would you rather be there when she needs comfort for when things go wrong or have her wanting nothing to do with you?
I would have loved to have a mother with concerns rather than the type of mother I grew up with but there are extremes as well. Let your daughter know that it's none of your business and that you will be there for her no matter what. I'm sure she already knows that you want the best for her but sometimes what we do pushes people away. She will understand your intentions in time but in the mean time love her, don't shelter her.

Good Luck to you and your daughter

Answer 2

Give it up mama, she is of age so there is nothing you can do except let her make the mistakes you fear so badly. Her attitude has changed because she doesn't want to be treated like a little girl at age 22.

She is employed at a child care center? Did they run a background check on your daughter? And her friend? I highly suspect they did. Child care centers also require drug testing. So if this young woman had a police record or drug habit she wouldn't be employed there.

You may not care for your daughters friend, but I wouldn't assume anything just because you don't like her.

The same thing happened with my 22 y.o. son. I did not like the young man he had chosen as a friend. He looked "skanky" to me and had what I felt was a very bad attitude. I did not want my son any where around him. I tried to get him to drop the friendship but like your daughter he rebelled. I'm so glad he did.

My son had a very serious personal crisis in his life and this "skanky" looking young man stuck with him through the whole ordeal when everyone else abandoned my son. Had it not been for this young man my son may have taken his own life. Please reconsider your daughters friendship, and get to know the young woman before going into panic mode.

Answer 3

I would say let her move out. But tell her that you are going to cut her off in every way. You will still be her mother but dont give her any money, food, help with laundry or anything. If she thinks she is old enough to do what ever she wants, she can find out what it is like in the real world. Once she has no money to buy food, clothes, gas or even a car payment, she will come crawling back asking for help.

Let her make mistakes. She will learn from them once she has made them. And by the sounds of it, she will make really big ones and be back in no time.

Now when you tell her you are cutting her off just let her know that you love her and are willing to help. Just not with any bills. Because she is a big girl now.

Answer 4

You need to untie those apron strings dear. At 22 it's beyond time for her to get her butt out into the real world. It would be a cold day before my kids at 22 watched me go off to work to support their lazy as*es. Let her go, trust me, she'll come crawling back out from under her rock when she wants something from you. Besides, if you taught her through your parenting skills how to cope with life, you have nothing to worry about, Right? Or were you one of the many thousands of parents who allowed Television, video games and their friends raise your child? Good Luck either way.

Answer 5

She is 22 and needs to spread her wings. She needs to make her own mistakes so that she can learn from them. Maybe her friend is not as bad as you think she is but if she is then your daughter has to figure that out for herself.

Answer 6

She's 22 and a young adult ... what can you do??? ... If you've rasied her right you should have nothing to worry about ... nagging will only drive her away for good ... be prepared to offer a little support if she makes a few mistakes

Answer 7

Of course she is up to no good. But that's what you raised her to be. Do you really think that after 22 years of no limits and no boundaries, she is suddenly going to start minding you now? Dream on.

Answer 8

Oh.....I'm so sorry.

Unfortunately, she won't understand until she has kids of her own. Kids don't understand that we breathe a sigh of relief when we know they are home safe, no matter how early in the morning they stumble in the front door.

Just give her a hug, and tell her how important she is to you.

Answer 9

She is of age. Let her make her own mistakes. That is the only way she can grow up.

Answer 10

Don't nag about her. Don't speak to her for long time.