People i really need your help on this one... My wife is from africa and Im from the states. This is the deal, myself & my wife and her sister live in the same home. Example when we are all in the same room watching a movie/news/game show, you get the point they will speak in there language. She feels, (my wife) that this is not rude what do you feel & I have told here how i feel on this matter. Heres the kicker they are from a british coloney there english is very good. Please what do you think!
Thanx 4 your time
James
2006-12-01 20:49:19 · 13 answers · asked by bmw740 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hi James I have to agree it is rude for others to speak a different language in front of someone that does not understand.
If they prefer they might leave the room where there is no one to disturb and speak among themselves. When they are talking and you are in their presence it is blatantly rude. One rule that we had in my family as we speak French ... If for any reason we were going to speak in French and there were others around we would firstly say that we were going to for a certain reason.
Later on we would explain the reason as to why we spoke in the language as well as what we were talking about.
In mixed company it is inappropriate to speak another language that the other does not understand. For what reason would they need to speak another language in your presence. Whats the big secret or are they practicing their own language.
If practice is the means, they should really leave the room and practice without disturbing you
Rude is the answer from me.
Tell them to read the rules of etiquette on that subject and that will clarify this for you once and for all.
hope this helps
2006-12-01 21:15:57 · answer #1 · answered by Spirit_Rain_3-SunShineAries 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
1 Why does it bother you?
2 Does it annoy you because they can speak more than one language and you can't? Why is it important to you that they talk to each other watching tv or whatever?
3 How about you elevate yourself and try to learn another language instead of asking them to lower themselves?
4 What language does she speak when she's alone with you? Isn't that what REALLY matters?
5 So what's the real issue here? Jealousy that they are close, or you feel threatened because you feel you're not as smart as your wife from Africa?
6 Why is it so important to inform everyone where she's from?
7 Mine is Greek. And when they all get together (the family) and believe me there's a lot of them, and speak in their native tongue, should I get annoyed and say "Hey, you gotta speak in English or I'm gonna get upset?" Why????? Personally, I love the sound of other languages. And each time they get together I learn to say something new. I don't know what African language they speak, but believe me, there's a reason people say, "It's Greek to me." It's one tough language. I can't even imagine asking someone I love to give up, forget, and ignore their heritage and what makes them comfortable. That's not love; that's insecurity and immaturity and selfish. Funny thing is, my parents are Polish and Ukrainian. So when we go there, I couldn't even imagine him saying, "Hey, you gotta speak Greek because I'm here! Or you gotta speak English! Oh well,everybody's different. You asked what people think. If it really bothers you, you can always ask, "Honey, what did you just say, because I didn't understand. " And I'm sure she'll be happy to explain it.
2006-12-02 05:23:13 · answer #2 · answered by mhiaa 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh, I know exactly what you are dealing with. My husband is from Eastern Europe and when his family comes over they all natter away in their own language - of which I know like three phrases. It was worse before when their English was not good, but now they are fluent in English. I think it is totally rude, but like your wife, my husband doesn't think it is. Part of me understands that they feel more comfortable speaking in their own language, but I feel totally left out of things a lot of the time. I realize, too, that you have it harder because the sister is living with you. Try explaining it to your wife again...
2006-12-02 08:03:47 · answer #3 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not rude, don't worry about it. Their English is probably not as good as you think it is. My wife was born in a country where English is an official language, but she is much more comfortable speaking in the language she grew up with and does the same thing you describe.
2006-12-02 05:08:20 · answer #4 · answered by Steve 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that this is rude and that if you have already told her how it makes you feel excluded, she should try harder to respect your feelings. On the other hand, her and her sister may just want to practice the language so that they don't "lose it". If you are concerned because you think they are talking crap about you, perhaps you should identify why you are so insecure and fix it so it will no longer bother you. Or you could learn how to click and then you can communicate with them. Click click bloody click means hello.
2006-12-02 04:54:45 · answer #5 · answered by RockabillyBanana 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's too late to realize. You've already married her. Now you just live with that and don't think too much about language that you didn't understand.
As well as they didn't do anything bad, I think why should you care? How if you start conversation to them and make them busy with English. Or doing something else. As you have to know, women or girls almost talk about many things those you will not like them, such as gossips, soap operas, cooking, market, etc. It's better if you don't listen about that.
So what do you think?
2006-12-02 07:59:28 · answer #6 · answered by eddy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it is definately rude to exclude others. If someone wishes to have a "private" conversation, Miss Manners says they need to remove themselves to a private location.
Now they may not be intending to be rude, they are only speaking their native/natural/easiest language.
Possibly your wife could put herself into your shoes with some coaching? Maybe she could be convinced to trust that, -rude or not, it bothers YOU-- her husband and "love" of her life and could simply compromise to not do that when you are around out of respect for you?
Best wishes........
2006-12-02 05:05:45 · answer #7 · answered by ~'`~purplebutterfly~`'~ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly what you are going through. You really have to trust her. You have to know that that is her native language and she will speak with her family a lot. I lived with my bosnian boyfriend for almost a year and he mostly spoke bosnian with his family. You just get used to it. Or you learn some of the language like I did.
2006-12-02 04:56:21 · answer #8 · answered by Cakes 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i find it rude----if everyone speaks the same language and the conversations include you----then not rude----BUT---if you don't speak the dialect they're speaking and they're conversing with you in the room----they should speak ENGLISH.
Where this changes is if you're not present---and your wife and her sister choose their native tongue and choose to converse privately!
2006-12-02 06:10:30 · answer #9 · answered by aunt_beeaa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i speak 3 languages, english with most my friends in the us, german with my dad, indonesian with my mom, and some indonesian friends that i found here.
i speak different kind of languages in front of my friend, it's not rude. it's showing closeness towards the other person i'm talking to in different language. and none of my friends or anybody else got offended.
2006-12-02 07:04:35 · answer #10 · answered by Tartlettes 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋