she has been reading harry potter fan fiction for 2 years and i have tried reading the stories and the books and the movies and after so much i have been overloaded. she depicts the movies down to every detail. I have been pateint and now that is all she does is read on the computer. she doesn't do any chores and i am not trying to be controlling but how much of one persons life does this take up. I can lay next to her for 6 or 7 hours and she doesn't even turn to look at me.people also notice this and say that it isn't healthy. My freinds and family ask me why i have put up with it for so long and i try to tell them that it will pass but it has been 2 straight years of nothing but fan fiction. I understrand her getting into the books but these aren't the books some of these stories are regular stories and others are smut. gay smut at that about harry and draco. and most of them are these types of stories. i just can't get into these types of stories.
2006-12-01 20:25:36 · 9 answers · asked by icemanpsu1977 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
The problem is not Harry Potter. Something is causing your wife to want to escape from her life. An obsession that takes up this much of her time is just an excuse for her to ingore aspect of herself or her environment that she does not want to face. The fact that it is Harry Potter is just a minor detail. Your really need to talk to your wife about this issue. Don't even mention Harry Potter to her. Just ask her if she is happy. Tell her you fell ignored and ask her why she spends so much time focusing on other things. Your wife sounds extremely distant though, so this alone might not work. She might just tell you everything is fine even though it's not just because she is not ready to deal with her issues. If this is the case, definately seek out a marraige counselor. This is a major problem, not just a small annoyance.
2006-12-01 23:31:26 · answer #1 · answered by J.C. 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I loved the response from someone who suggested you take your wife fishing, as that would disorient her! I'd love for my man to drag me off to go fishing, but.....
On a more serious note, the issue is not with Harry Potter per se, but with fan fiction and the fact that this really appears to be an obsession. Is she only reading the fan fiction, or is she writing it, too? Have you been able to share your feelings with her, using "I-messages" (i.e. no blame) when she is more approachable?
If she is writing fan fiction, ask her if you can read some of what she has written. (This could go beautifully or it could go over like a lead balloon.) Sometimes our partners will have a hobby that we just don't like, but if we feign some interest, we have opened a new door of communication. If she is a good writer, encourage her to hone her craft on original works. Offer to help her find information on publishing.
If she is writing and does let you read what she has posted on line, and if her writing is among the smuttier fan fics you have seen, you should heed the advice someone else mentioned about marriage counseling. If she is resistant, identify a short coming or two of your own that you want to work on in counseling, so it's not all about her & the fan fiction. It's an investment in your future that may be expensive or take some time, but is well worth it. There are sliding scale agencies if you don't have insurance.
As you are realizing, the number of hours is a serious concern and even more alarming when you mention that she doesn't do any chores....does she have a stressful job outside the home?
Is this her version of the couple of drinks after work some people use to medicate the stress they are under? (Not that this is a good approach.) Are chores fairly divided within the home? Does she keep up with other activities (sports, hobbies, crafts, etc.) and friendships she has enjoyed in the past? Has her obsession with fan fiction interfered with her professional life or your family's finances?
Not to be an alarmist, but if she has pulled away from people and activities she used to enjoy, I would also be concerned about depression. From the point of view of one who has had to seek assitance for different things at different points in my life, it can be scary. As you work up the courage to suggest counseling, try to detach from her obsession with love. Do not detach from her, but from her obsession. (Go to websites with information on Alanon, which is a support group for friends & relatives of alcoholics. The tools they use are applicable no matter what the
addiction, obsession, or stressor is.)
Also, you sound like you probably have been wise enough to know that nagging will not help. Are there any activities you once enjoyed, but have been putting on a back burner? Perhaps getting back into something that was fun for you would help fill some of the inevitable void you must be experiencing. You might also start keeping a (discreet) journal or log of how much time she is spending because she probably isn't aware. Don't rub this in her face, but tuck it away as objective evidence that might be gently used if / as / when you are able to convince her to go for some professional help. And if she won't go, you go yourself.
My guess is she has no clue how much pain this must be causing you, and if she were able to really understand, she'd probably feel terrible about it. Addictions and compulsions are
diseases, treatable diseases. She has a disease, but she is NOT a disease. If she had cancer, you wouldn't treat her differently, and as hard as this sounds, the more compassion you can have for her AND for yourself, the better.
I wish you well. I bet you are not alone, either. What you must be going through must be similar to someone whose spouse has workaholism, a gambling addiction, etc. Get the help and support you need, and even if she can't see that she has a problem (which tends to be proof that she does have one) I hope you keep getting well and taking care of yourself. Good luck!
2006-12-02 10:50:43 · answer #2 · answered by sdewolfeburns 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
G'day Icemanpsu1977,
Thank you for your question.
It sounds like you need to see a marriage counsellor to sort out problems in your marriage. Reading fan fiction is one thing but having dominate your life is another thing. I would speak to your wife and say you need to get help. If she has a sister, mother or close friend to tell her the same thing it would also help.
As it happens Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban is on the television so I will leave it there.
Regards
2006-12-01 20:36:01 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
I could suggest 3 methods. First, you can introduce a new genre of story other than harry potter, but it must be much much more interesting than harry potter.
Second, if she has any former favourite hobby, try making her like her former fav hooby again, find her a new hobby, or try to get her to enjoy your favourite hobby.
If those two doesn't work, here's a third.
Third, get JK Rowling to meet and tell your wife to get over Harry Potter fanfics and stick to the original ones.
(Last desperate action, wait until the 7th Harry Potter book is in store, buy one for your wife and tell her this after she finish reading it, "since you already reading the last harry Potter book, can I have my wife back?) <
2006-12-02 03:29:49 · answer #4 · answered by Red 2 · 2⤊ 4⤋
I have to agree with JC-she probably isn't happy so she buries herself in the stories and fan fiction. I think its OK to love the books and even to read the fan fiction, but it sounds like she's going way overboard. II think marriage counseling would be helpful. Good luck.
2006-12-02 16:39:43 · answer #5 · answered by Guppie 2 · 5⤊ 1⤋
Man oh man....why not drag her off the computer for while and take her fishing? It'll greatly disorient her. And while you're waiting for a fish to come along, try to read to her some poetry. I'd suggest Robert Service.
2006-12-01 21:17:55 · answer #6 · answered by Tet 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
What are you, a Taliban? You have no right to tell your wife what to do or what not to do. This is a free world. This is not Afghanistan. So lay off of her. Why don't YOU find something to do. Go watch a porno or something on your computer or rent a movie and watch by yourself.
Come on, give me a break. This kind of attitude and control mind set is very unproductive and uncalled for.
Leave her alone.
2006-12-01 20:39:16 · answer #7 · answered by Nightrider 7 · 2⤊ 8⤋
Don't get her to stop. Harry Potter is a healthy obsession.
2006-12-01 22:36:34 · answer #8 · answered by Kreen 4 · 7⤊ 6⤋
disconnect your internet service, then find a hobby you can both obsess about together.
2006-12-02 03:28:33 · answer #9 · answered by laceharrington 2 · 2⤊ 3⤋