my wife goes out 3/4 times a week to get drunk ...its been going on for a year ....i said ...lets go to a ....a . meeting .....she said mind your buisness.....should i wait till she gets worst or just leave
2006-12-01 19:50:29 · 23 answers · asked by acierman2006 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
WOMEN ...WHAT DO YOU THINK...she says that she has to do her thing thats all ...
2006-12-01 19:55:09 · update #1
im 39 shes 36 weve been togrther 14 years...no kids...2 dogs
2006-12-01 19:57:07 · update #2
she wont go to al anone
2006-12-01 20:53:20 · update #3
If she is getting drunk 3 or 4 times a week she is an alcoholic. I would recommend catching her in a sober moment and telling her that the marriage has become unbearable for you. Tell her you love her (if you do) but cannot take the fact that she is going out and getting drunk all the time. Tell her how worried you are and how her behavior affects you.
Offer to help- sounds like you already have- but try again. Explain to her that if she can't accept your help you must leave. Then follow through. I wish you well.
Also if you leave please figure out a way you can take the dogs. It sounds like she is too far gone to take care of them right now.
2006-12-01 20:09:43 · answer #1 · answered by peggy j 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that you love your wife for even trying to help her but if you leave she would just get worse and it will not help you.Knowing how you feel for your wife you would always go around with the guilt that you haven't done enough when she was in need. I could tell you this because I am a smoker and I hate it when my husband tells me about it. I know that he loves me and he is trying to keep me healthy and safe to live longer and to grow older. You should try again but this time taking a lager step by talking to someone professional also by letting her know that you are thinking about leaving her because you just had it up to here with her madness.Because of her drinking problems I know that your marriage probably isn't what it use to be so seek some marriage concealing and try to make this thing work out before you walk out. Don't quit on your marriage or let your marriage quit on you stand up as the man of the house and tell her what you want and if its not my way then its going to be the high way. Let her make a choice if its the bottle or you and if you don't get the answer that you want then you have no other choice than to walk out of the marriage then please file for divorce so that if anything happens to her you are not responsible.
2006-12-01 20:09:43 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are you still in love with your wife? You concern shows for this person that you married, but sometimes they don't go 'hand in hand' Anyway, I was where you are at one time, and I was and still am very much in love with my husband. I was lucky I guess because when I talked to him about his drinking, and I didn't make him feel like I was putting his back up against the wall, I just told him that I loved him, was concerned, and lonely. I missed my best friend. He not only listened to what I was saying, but he put the bottle down and has not had a drink in 4 years now. It sounds like it is about as bad as it can get, are there children involved? One thing that you can do is get your family and friends together and have an intervention, each telling her how she is hurting those she loves and that you cannot sit back any longer and watch her kill herself, make sure that she knows how much she is loved and valued, but draw the line, let her know what each of you will do if she doesn't seek help and most important, you must stick to it!! I wish you, her and those that love both of you the very best, but if she is unwilling to make changes to both save her life, marriage and other relationships then you need to be prepared to either live with it, or walk away for your own sake and your children if you have any. Again, good luck, I'm so sorry for your situation.
2006-12-01 20:08:06 · answer #3 · answered by JazzyLynn 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she needs some help..Its ok for a married woman to go out once in a while with friends we all need that from time to time..But 3-4 times a week is certainly way to much..Offering to go to a meeting was a great idea,Her saying mind your own business was a normal answer from a person who drinks way to much, and one that isn't ready to get help yet..So therefore until she's really for the much needed help theres not much you can do about it..Do whatever you willing to do to help her if you think you've done enough then the choice is your..she will at some point bottom out,and realize she needs help..Maybe the answer is to tell her how you really feel, tell her your considering leaving her, maybe that would be enough to make her stop and realize that her marriage is more important..Good luck with your decision..It must be very hard for you..
2006-12-01 23:04:18 · answer #4 · answered by Shem 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your wife has made some decisions independent of you. She's made a choice, she'd like you to participate, but she's going ahead with or without you.
You need to make some decisions, too.....is the lifestyle she's chosen one that appeals to you? What are you, and possible other partner going to do to prevent STD's? You may want to have conversation with your doctor about wanting to make a decision about an alternative lifestyle. Has your wife already put you at risk? Ask her.
If you decide to go ahead, choose one partner, or couple, and have some serious conversation. How are STD's prevented in this kind of relationship....pregnancy, too....Get as much information as you can. Talk with the other male as much as you can. He'll have a more similar, male, perspective.
I don't think your wife wants to hear that you'll try it one time, and that would be it....you need to understand you are choosing another lifestyle.
Understand that you cannot manipulate your wife's behaviors. You can choose a separation, or you may choose to end your partnership with her. Nothing needs to happen right this second. If you are splitting up, go slowly, do your budget, your research: where will you live, how will you pay for it, who gets the dog.
If you can accept your partner where she is at....if you can respect her decisions, and ask that she treat your decisions with respect also, then hopefully you can make the separation as easy as possible on both of you.
Address these issues. Not necessarily all at once, just whatever you can handle at a time. Go slow. Know yourself. Choose wisely.
2006-12-01 21:25:58 · answer #5 · answered by Sunbaby 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, and it is your problem!
When does she get home from the bar? You have her schedule down? Do not be there when she gets home, do not leave per say but she has to have a wake up call!! Go get a nice hotel room that has a spa and relax, take care of yourself.
Just avoid her for a couple days, when she goes off on you just tell her you will not stand by to watch her kill herself. She is driving home this way? She knows better but alcohol is speaking for her now a days...
My man is a alcoholic. He is doing really good at not drinking. I do not drink nor will I contribute to this behavior. When we go out and the waitress asks us if we want a drink I am the one who says no, thank you! Before he gets a chance to say anything!! Football season was interesting this year. I was always thinking he was going to come home from work with beer, he never did.
A year is defiantly a long fall! Something drastic has to happen for her to wake up, talking to them when drunk does not help as you know. Try my idea up there it worked for me!
Good luck alcohol is a horrible monster who will steal our family! Why this drug is still legal is beyond me!!
2006-12-01 20:04:25 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
When speaking with your your wife you still see her as a person. However; in the grips of alcholism, you are actually being answered by her disease and not the individual herself. You can make all the suggestions of therapy you want, but one who is enabled to drink will only seek a cure when ready and only after hitting "rock bottom." At this moment, she does not "see" how her drinking is hurting anyone. This may go on for years. You can be as supportive as you want without any result and suffer throughout your years of marriage or you can practive "tough love" and offer an ultimatum. Be prepared that the answer will be a negative one. She has chosen her path. Now choose yours wisely.
2006-12-01 20:03:55 · answer #7 · answered by beentheredonethat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it's been going on for a year, but not prior to that, something happened. Do you know what it was? Your wife is an alcoholic. If she won't go to AA meetings, you NEED to go to Ala non meetings. They are for the family and loved ones of an alcoholic. Maybe if she sees you trying to help yourself through this, she will try to help herself. If not, you haven't got a snowball's chance in hell of this marriage working out. DO NOT wait till she gets worse before you do something, because it will get worse if she doesn't get help. If nothing else, help yourself. If there are kids involved, whatever you do, DO NOT let them in a vehicle with her...ever.
2006-12-01 21:19:58 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi there, does she say why she is going out to get drunk?
If she is not willing to go see someone about it or even talk to you about it, sit her down when she's sober and say that you want a reason why she's doing what she's doing, if she can't tell you, then say that you can't go on like this, see what she says.
Im sorry but it may be that she is seeing someone else.
This sort of behaviour suggests that she is unhappy, I know, as I have been in this situation myself. I would suggest trying again to talk to her, if she won't, then tell her you will have to leave, tell her you still love her but that you can't be a party to this distruction, cause believe me if she continues, she will take you down with her. I know as my husband started drinking and going out just like your wife, I found out after I left he had been seeing several people behind my back.
2006-12-01 20:04:36 · answer #9 · answered by Sandi 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The good thing is you dont have kids. you cannot help her until she helps herself. right now she is in denial so no matter what try to say or do for her she is not going to listen... try separating for a while and see how things go... By sticking arouen seems she is going to think she can get away with this because u r sticking around. Good Luck!!!!
2006-12-01 20:22:38 · answer #10 · answered by gonzalezleon3022 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋