Reason for Divorce?

Question

My husband is telling his mom and a few others that the reason I am leaving is because something came up in my past that I cannot handle. It is true, but he is leaving out the part that HE is the one who did something that brought up a piece of my past that I cannot handle. Do I tell people he did something that brought up a traumatic piece of my childhood, or do I let it go and let people think it is my fault? I know this is what people will think because one of the people he told already knows the WHOLE truth of what is going on, and she said he is wording it that way and it is coming out to sound as if it's my fault and like I am not willing to work it out. I don't want to tell anyone at work the details of the divorce, but I am not willing to let people think it's my fault either, when in reality, I am just a victim of abuse all over again.

I was sexually abused when I was 10, Bryan, and I caught him looking at a kiddie porn video where the kid was also about 10 years old. So it isn't a thing of me just placing the blame so I won't look like the bad guy. But I am going to look that way if he doesn't put the blame where it belongs. It brought back all my memories of my own abuse and I can't shake it unless I go through therepy AGAIN.

Answer 1

well it is a shame that other people have to stick there nose in your divorce and for your x- husband telling every body his side of thinking so he wont loOK like the bad guy in this divorce.i feel really sorry for you to go though this it not right for any one to go though the past and bring up what happen to you he is a real jerk and not a man at all.if i were you i would go though this divorce and leave .and try to start a new life some were.i really hope you have a good holiday or least try ok god bless you

Answer 2

Dear Lost it,
There is NEVER any one side to a divorce there seem to be three. His side, your side, and the whole truth. You don't owe anyone at work an explanation for your divorce.
Let your soon to be ex tell all the tall tales he wants, You know the truth of the matter.There are always going to be people who assign blame to one party or the other in stuff like this. What they think doesn't matter. If there is absolutely no way to reconcile what happened with your husband then be at peace with yourself.If the man you married isn't a big enough person to admit that it takes two to make and break a marriage he's not worth it anyway.
Good Luck and don't worry so much about what others think.
LL

Answer 3

I am so sorry
I am currently in a situation that is very similar.
I was molested when i was 11 and last month i found my husband lookin at porn on the computer. although it wasn't kiddie porn it still gave me that UGH there is a man using me for gratification and nothing more feeling.
I explained this to him and i told him that the behaviour made me feel worthless and that it was degrading.
If i were you i would explain to people the seriousness of what he did.
Because it is an abusive habit and is wrong plus it puts distrust in your marriage and you dont need that right now as you are trying to deal with the whole outcome of the situation.

Answer 4

I know exactly how u feel it happened when I was 9 but it went a step futher yes the "r' word!! My husband knew all about my past before we got married but since I'm having trouble concieving he blames it on my past!! Just tell people that He brought up something that really upset u & he can't handle ur reaction to it!! It's not UR fault & u have to let people know it's HIS reaction that he doesn't want to face!! Why was he looking at that stuff anyway!!??
Unlike u my therpy didn't help but I do talk to my sister in law about it & she helps me. Tell ur husband that if he does't tell the story correctly he is abusing u himself by lying to people!! Tell people there are 2 sides to every story & so they want to hear ur side u don't have to go into detail just state the facts!! I wish u luck!!

Answer 5

If he was looking at kiddie porn that is his problem. You leaving him is righteous. Since you are leaving this family, don't worry what they think of you. Remember, they spawned this guy who likes kiddie porn. They will never be objective anyway. They are HIS family and friends.

You will never be able to get everyone to like you, think well of you, believe you, or anything else. This is life.

You did well, taking care of yourself. Maybe you need to get some therapy, however. More if you had some in the past. This way you won't attract these sleaze balls into your orbit.

Take care.

Answer 6

You need therapy with your husband so the two of you can work this thing out and get over your past....I know what you have gone thru is very hard and i don't want to experince this, you need to take him to counseling with you so he can get an insight on how you feel, what to do and what not to do to trigger or affect your traumatic past...Running away and divorcing your hubby does not solve anything because you will keep running away from men if you are not willing to face your fears...

Answer 7

Who is Bryan and who was caught looking at kiddie porn. If your husband is the one you caught looking at kiddie porn you are doing the right thing by ending the marriage. Let people think whatever they want to. It really doesn't matter and its not anybodys business.Let people think whatever they want to think. Who cares, just be glad that you found this out and that you don't have to spend another minute with this man.

Answer 8

Are you sure you both want to end your marriage. Things coming up from our pasts can be very painful, just maybe instead of fighting each other you both could go to counselling and get the help it sounds like you need.
Don't let your abuser from back then win yet again. Make yourself the winner this time and seek help.
I wish you all the best.

Answer 9

You cannot control what your husband says. You don't owe anyone any explanations into your private life situations. People will draw their own conclusions. You don't have enough energy or time to make sure everyone knows what really happened! Try to build on the positives in your life. Doing so will make this seem trivial and you'll be a stronger person!

Answer 10

You know, I'm sorry that you have a traumatic past and a recent event that has redisturbed you. You don't need to say anything to anyone. Period. It's nobody's business, but your own. On the other hand, you need therapy. Find a therapist that is a good match for you and work with them. A good match does not mean someone who tells you what you want to hear; it's someone who knows what they are doing, that has experience with your issues, and with whom you are comfortable.