I'm not happy with my marriage - is it me or him?

Question

I have been married for seven years now, and I have known my husband since the sixth grade (I'm 30 y.o). We have always been great friends and just had our second child together.

Lately, I have been feeling really depressed and almost trapped in our relationship. I feel like he has gotten so used to me, that he doesn't appreciate me as a person. It's the little things that count and he doesn't do those things anymore.

I find myself crying a lot lately and just wanting to feel a closer bond with him again, but no matter how hard I try, I feel like we are losing that spark that attracted us to one another in the first place.

In the heading, I asked if it could be me because I have been feeling rather lonely and in some cases depressed. It's hard to interpret wheter I feel like this because of the relationship between my husband and me or my own insecurities are destroying the relationship. I could use some solid, friendly advice right now to get me out of this rut.

Help.

Answer 1

If you just had a baby, you are probably experiencing postpartum depression. GO TO THE DOCTOR NOW!!! There are too many cases where women with this problem do things they wouldn't normally do.

Answer 2

Grab yourself by the scruff of your neck and haul yourself out of that rut. First count your blessings, all of them and put them down on paper when you can look at them often.
Then find a way to get some time away from the kids even if is it just a few minutes but do it every day. Find a way to do something interestind so yu do not become dull. Try learning an instrument like the recorder. It is relatively easy to learn but pick what you like. Maybe you might try a hand at painting or perhaps keep a journal of your thoughts Get in some exercise, getting your heart pumping will help lift your spirits and fight depression. Take the kiddies to the library and pick up a how to book that interests you and teach yourself how to...... A new interest will get you out of yourself, perhaps get you meeting new people, it will definatly help lift your depression and it will make you a more interesting person which I guarentee your husband will notice. Are diapers and potty training and child rearing all you have to talk about? Read the paper watch the "real" news shows. You got computer access so find an online community on a topic that interests you and get involved in it. Only you can provide for your own happiness. happiness runs in a circular motion, the happier you make yourself, the happier your family, the happier your family, the happier your husband and the happier your husband the happier he will want to make you. Try it out and see if I ain't right. with kids it will take some work and creative planning but Trust Me you will both love the new you.

Answer 3

The best thing to do is talk with him seriously about your relationship how to save it to last forever before thing will come into worst! There is no other who can help you both, but the two of you will need to discuss thing better for the good of your family, to erase any gap between you two, to regain the lost fires between your love. Remember that kids will be the great losers if your family will break. I suggest to save if by talking it with your husband in a compassionate ways. Just start planning in a week- end date? Maybe during payday is a best date because you have a budget in your wallet to use for the minimal expenses out there for two days!
Spend a week-end dating outside your home to refresh the stresses and problems that affected you mentally, and having recreation for the meantime will help you find better solution to your problem.
Leave alone all the kids with an older member of your family like mother, in-laws or sister to take care of them while you and your husband are out for a day or two.

Answer 4

Hi! Well, I don't know if any of these answers is truly going to get you out of "your rut" - sometimes you really have to help yourself. Perhaps you are tired with your situation for your own reasons? You indicate that you feel trapped...feeling trapped usually means that you feel dissatisfied with your current situation. I suggest that you write down all the pros and cons about your relationship. Things change and you can't expect the honeymoon period to last forever - altho it can, but how often does it actually last? You have to be honest with yourself and don't jump from the frying pan into the fire because what could seem bad to you now actually could get worse, if you make bad choices, so give yourself time to change your situation. You just had a baby so you need to be realistic with your expectations. Don't predict things will change quickly. The best change is the type of change that takes place over time, so please be patient. Also, make wise decisions for not only yourself, but your children too. They will thank you for your wise choices in the future. Remember your not alone-- you have yourself and your children!!! Best wishes.

Answer 5

Talk to him ot get ideas on what some of the things you each like to do together...go back to your dating stage...what I mean is get someone to watch the kids and spend some alone time together....I have two small kids and I was getting bored....we started finding someone to babysit once a month or every other month depending of the need....you two need to go out and have some fun and rekindle that spark as we get so comfortable and complacent in a relationship and once the kids come into play we don't realize that we are not making time to enjoy each other......You can find ways of doing things as a family and have some alone time which is much needed now and go on movie dates and dinner dates and remind yourselves as to what brought you there in the first place....

Answer 6

nichole: Have you been with him since the 6th Grade until now? If you had, you are grieving past, missed opportunities, which would of have presented themselves through dating other guys and being with your peers. This explains the boredom and the depression. You need to talk with him about this lack of communication and his reluctance, to do those "little things" for you once again. Assumimg he listens to you; try to take a small get away to a hotel or a beach resort - somewhere where you can be together. This will initiate and place some of the lost spark into your marriage. Go away for a couple of days - a weekend perhaps. Remember; guys tend to think that their wives are like one of the boys and treat them so. Men are ignorant usually, of the woman's emotional needs and therefore, need to be clued in !!! Good luck to you, "nichole"

Answer 7

If you are insecure that could really hurt the relationship! You did not mention if you work or not? Sometimes when ur a stay at home mom, it can be hard from a stand point of not having someone to talk to daily...find some friends..a hobby or something that will get you engaged with other people. Find something you both like to do and do it together but...PLEASE don't nag the man once he gets home. Let him know you love him and are proud of him for all that he does! It is important for you to be as balanced s you can while you are feeling like this...often when ppl are in this mode they can scare their significant other away!

Answer 8

You have been with him a very long time, so let's assume that the two of you are best friends. You need to have several serious talks with him, explain everything to him, and that you need his help. You can regain what you once had, even though things change over the years. Marriage is work, it's not all roses, you have to work for what you want. Don't try to change him; you can only change yourself. Change your attitude, and your actions will follow more positively.

Answer 9

You did not talk about his part in this. You are taking too much responsibility. It is a partnership. You are both responsible for making the relationship work out.

You seem clinically depressed. Get an evaluation to see if medications might help. Then talk to your husband about your intimacy needs.

Good luck

Answer 10

Could you be suffering from post partum depression? Have your checked with your Dr. about this? The other thing you might want to consider is sitting down with your husband and discussing how you feel and asking him how he really feels about this. Of course men don't see things the way we see them. They see a problem their first response is to try and fix it. So maybe he doesn't see a problem here. Is there a possibility you could both get some counselling?
My suggestion would be for you to get help first and maybe then get your husband involved in counselling if he is willing to try that is.
Good Luck to you both.

LL

Answer 11

you got some good answer there, may be pms . happiness can be found in lots of ways , look at all the Little things. try and find some thing new that you both can do to put the spark back in your life . don't give up try and work together on it , tell him how you feel.