My wife used to be slim. She's in her late forties now. I love her so much that I wouldn't want to hurt her feelings with uncanny remarks about her size. Please help me...
2006-12-01 17:22:32 · 19 answers · asked by Earthlings 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
she already knows. you don't have to tell her.
2006-12-01 17:25:21 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
First you must realize that for a majority of women forty and over, the girlish figure is a thing of the past no matter what the woman does, That factor is compounded times the number of children the woman has had.
If your wife is overweight, trust me she knows it and there really is no way for you to tell her that is not going to hurt her a lot more than you can possibly intend if you love her.
Better way would be to start taking a walk in the evenings or mornings to help get her started with exercise. Try requesting more good foods in a healthier diet. Tell her that you need to loose a few pounds for the health of your heart and life ( bet you do) and ask her to help you. When you do start this be certain to accompany it with something very special that will let her know just how much you love her JUST THE WAY SHE IS. That is going to do a lot more to help encourage her to loose weight than if you tell her that she is fat, no matter how nicely you put it, that is all she is going to hear, because that is what you will be saying. No woman wants to hear that. Trust me this is a far far better thing.
2006-12-02 01:28:48 · answer #2 · answered by CindyLu 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Trust me she knows! I am 45 yrs old and I too am overweight. I use to be model perfect until I was 39 yrs old. But time, medical issues, children, schedules, diet - it all changes things. And unless you are as perfect as the day you met each other - it's just best to keep your mouth shut. Besides I am hoping that you married her for more than her figure. If not, then my sympathy to your wife because you want Barbie not a real woman. Sorry to be so blunt but you asked. And this is the voice of experience speaking because my former partner did the same to me and while we had other issue too, it hurt badly! And for the record his hair took a fast retreat from his forehead and his gut matched his beer consumption! Don't do that to the woman you love! Accept her - love her - be her friend! Start an exercise program together, eat better together, and even if those things don't work perfectly - if you love her - then accept her. I'd lay dollars to donuts she accepts you!
2006-12-02 02:03:35 · answer #3 · answered by Sherri R 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I thought we were the perfect little family; he came home from Desert Storm a few weeks before our son was born, now 5 months old.
We were in bed having just had some "alone time", when my husband says in a concerned yet kind voice "your *** is fat". Were those his exact words, not exactly, however that is what I heard.
I knew I had put on weight, I felt fat & ugly, and I was uncomfortable and self-conscious.
With that one comment I also heard- "I am not attracted to you", "I am embarrassed to be seen with you", "Your ugly & I only have sex with you out of obligation".
His comment told me that my insecurities were not only far worse than I imagined, but that they were also public opinion. That was 14 years ago and although I seldom think about it anymore, when I do it re-opens wounds that have never really healed.
A few years and another baby later I filed for divorce and lost weight got even thinner than before the kids. My EX "complimented" me by saying "Why couldn't you have looked like that when we were together?"
I was still the same person on the inside and so is your wife. For cripes sake, she's in her 40's, what will bother you when she's 50? Or 60? If you really love your wife, keep your opinion to yourself even if she asks, "does this outfit make me look fat?"
Yeah, I know...you’re also really concerned about her health. Right?
2006-12-02 06:53:06 · answer #4 · answered by Micha 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thak God I didnt marry YOU! What a rude man you are to think that of your wife.
You would hurt her in a way you could never imagine...Stop being a jerk and look back on the way she has supported you throughout your life and would you really want to hurt someone who has been there for you like that? Did she have children with you? If so then you should just keep your thoughts to yourself.
Take the advice of the people above, one girl stated start suggesting that YOU need to start a healthier diet and want her support and maybe you could do it as a couple.
2006-12-02 01:40:31 · answer #5 · answered by Jessy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I am the wife, my husband should say something about my weight if it bothers him. Because there is no reaction from my husband, I would suspect that I still look sexy for him. So, I won't be affected if I am gaining more weights. But, since you are bothered, go tell your wife in a good tone and in a very mature manner so she won't get hurt. I know, she will do something to lose weight for you.
2006-12-02 08:33:59 · answer #6 · answered by amy n 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's no way to tell her without hurting her immeasurably.
And of course, being female, she would already know this about herself.
If you love her as much as you say, why have you asked this question? She should be able to be herself even with pink polka dots and you should love her accordingly.
My advice would be to shut your mouth, and if she makes the decision to slim down, be supportive without over-doing it!!! To do so, would make her feel you want it more than she does...
2006-12-02 05:56:47 · answer #7 · answered by holdengal81 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very carefully.....
But seriously, how heavy are we talking? How is your health? Whats you guys lifestyle like? work skeds? kids? Marital probs? These are huge factors that will affect any strategy or approach to this.
Believe it or not, she knows how heavy she is. the trick is to approach this in a positive way.
Its a 2 horse trick. Meaning you cant tell her to lose weight and expect her to do it on her own. You're going to have to be with her, doing the evening walk thing and stuff like that. Getting healthy together is always more enjoyable.
Try doing small stuff first like, special meals or just changing little stuff in your lifestyle. Big changes always flop. Start slow, dont do diets.
Its all about lifestyle lifestyle lifestyle.
Cheers
2006-12-02 01:35:03 · answer #8 · answered by cappy2609 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
hi, i know this might sound strange but you married your wife for who she was didnt you,well i would hope your anwser is yes ,because beleive me im in the same weight you are but the difference is my wife was over weight when we got married but use to be a really small woman,but even though someone is small or big you still love them for who they are and you should not let your wifes weight worry you unlessit is a health factor or something and if that is the reson just set down with her and explain it to her but explain it to her in a way were you will not hurt her and remeber always she is your wife and also your soul mate
and you can always read the bible for anwsers on how to handle this situation beleive me there there
2006-12-02 01:32:17 · answer #9 · answered by DAVE S 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you don't want to hurt her feelings, keep your lips zipped. Surely after this many years of marriage, you love her for more than just her appearance? Maybe you don't look the same that you did when you were 20 either? Take my advice, shut up about the weight thing. It can only lead to misery.
2006-12-02 01:27:10 · answer #10 · answered by Liz 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You don't tell her if you want to stay married. Dude, part of aging in women is that we put on weight!!! I'm nearly 40 and I am the biggest I have been in my life. I'm not fat, but I am slightly overweight. Thank goodness my guy has some cooth and doesn't tell me I'm overweight. Trust me, she knows it if she is. Get over yourself and deal with it!
2006-12-02 01:32:18 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋