I am in a very difficult situation.?

Question

Im in an interratial relationship thats been going on for about 5 yrs. He told me that he could never marry me, his parents wanted him to marry into his own culture. 6 days ago he told me he was going to his own country and i asked "to get married"? he said "yes". The next day I went to see my dr. and he got me to take a blood test and I found out Im pregnant. My question is this: Im totaly in love with this guy and he claims hes in love with me too. However, he dosent have the backbone to tell his family about us. Hes already left 3 days ago and now I'm struggling with the decision to have the baby or not. I dont really believe in abortion (only circumstantial like if someone was raped or failed birth control) and those arent my circumstances. But when I told him the news he told me to have an abortion because his family wouldnt understand. I am very confused. Do I have this baby or not?

Answer 1

I am SURE that his traditional family DOES NOT believe in abortion. He isONLY trying to protect HIS reputation with his family. He is gutless and NOT a real MAN.
Keep YOUR baby~ It was given to YOU for a reason.

Answer 2

You are in a very difficult dilemma right now. You really need to soul search and figure out what "u" want for the rest of your life. He has made his decision and u have to know if u have this baby u are not going to have him in your life, and obviously not the baby's life either. Men like that rarely go against their family's wishes and he is getting married so u need to let that part go, and i really do feel for u, that would be very hard. So u need to base your decision on u and u alone. Talk it over with friends and family (if u can) and get people's opinions and help that really love u. Either way it is a decision that will affect your life forever, so don't make any hasty decisions. I wish u all the best for your future.

Answer 3

You have two very distinct issues here- one is dealing with the feelings for a man that will not commit to you and the other is dealing with an unplanned pregnancy. You must separate the two issues and not let your involvement with him decide wether or not you have the baby because that is a decision you will have to live with for the rest of your life- long after he is gone( wich, btw, it sounds like he already is). Remember, it is possible to raise a perfectly healthy, happy child as a single mother. Your relationship with him is most likely never going to work because of HIS issues. Check out some pregnancy websites to see more clearly what is going on inside your body to help you make a more informed decision. just do a yahoo search for pregnancy. you can find alot of parenting support and advice online. I'm sorry that your elationship is not going as you would have liked, but you have to try to remain level headed to make the important decisions that you are faced with now. This is YOUR baby. Don't let him manipulate you into getting an abortion if that is not what you want. you will regret it for life. good luck and God bless.

Answer 4

I'm sorry he won't tell his family; that's pretty weak-willed of him. I think that you should have the baby. I only think abortion is okay if there is pretty much no chance of the baby or the mother surviving, or if there are other extreme circumstances like rape.

This is such a tough issue; I could see why you could want an abortion. But go with your heart and what you KNOW is right, don't let your boyfriend make up your mind for you. Good luck :)

Answer 5

Have you ever compromised a principle before, done something that made you a little squeamish/guilty but, nonetheless, was plainly and simply the practical course of action you had to take @ the time?

If you're like most people, you probably have. Did it hurt a lot? Do you still dwell on it today? If you're like most ppl, probably not.


But:
Have you ever before interrupted/aborted (no entendre intended) your entire life, bringing a child into this world to whom you are *totally* unprepared to be an adequate parent, guaranteeing decades of fighting and tension and dysfunction, putting a degree of financial and emotional stress on both you and your family that you never previously could even have imagined?

If you are like most ppl, probably not. But honestly, which of the above sounds worse?

So, I guess my advice is...
Abort. AbortAbortAbortAbortAbortAbortAbort! You'll thank yourself when you're older. Doing something now that you "don't really believe in" may feel, in the abstract, like a betrayal, but under sufficiently compelling circumstances I think most of us are willing to bend the moral-philosophical rules, just a little bit, if it means sparing ourselves and our loved ones from some serious realized harm.

Good luck w/your decision.

Answer 6

That is a serious question only you can answer. Can you live with the decision whichever way you go? One way it's a lifelong commitment but very rewarding. The other way will also last a lifetime. Can you bear the burden of knowing you gave up a child? Would it be better not to even bring a child into your circumstance? Are you willing to give the child up for adoption?
Take the weekend and search your heart. Pray about it, fast about it. And think of the child. Take your time, maybe ask your doctor to refer you for counseling. Just don't rush into something you'll regret.

Answer 7

His family doesn't have to understand. He, however, has to pay child support until the child is at least 18. Could that be the reason why abortion is the first word that came out of his mouth? At the end of the day, the decision is entirely yours. You don't say anything about your circumstances, so I don't know if you can afford to raise a child on your own. And you'll be doing it on your own (except for the financial aid from him, of course), make no mistake about that.

Answer 8

I find this incredibly daft. You spent 5 years with someone who told you that he would never marry you because he rated his culture and family way above you. At that point you would have wasted 5 years of your life. But adding insult to injury, you had unprotected sex with him! Why? Did you hope that the spinless toad would turn to mummy and say 'Hey! I've spent 5 years with a woman of a different culture and I am going to be a father to her child!'
Ha! You must have known he'd never do that.
Go to his family's house and tell them that you are having the baby and that you expect financial support from him or his family to bring up his child. For the next 18 years. It's the least that you can do for your child.

Answer 9

The question is do you want the baby? He knew before he ever got involved with you that he would never marry you because his family will not let him. That is your body, he will not have to live with the fact that he killed something growing inside of him. Men always think about themselves and and only see how things affect them and not others. Be strong stand up for yourself and say "YOU" not your family but "YOU need to start making some desicions for yourself. His family cannot live his life for him he canonly live for his slef and his own actions. Have the baby then if he stays in America have him pay child support!!!!!!! Time heals everything, really be still and be patient and do what your heart tells you...trust yourself.

Answer 10

Why sacrifice your morals to please him? Could you live with yourself if you had an abortion? It sounds like you could not. A lot of people today are single parents and though it's tough, it works out. I'd say you should give your baby a chance at life. When you made the decision to have sex, you decided that you were ready to have a baby, at least that's my opinion.

Answer 11

Yes, have the baby. Place the baby for adoption. Please give him or her a chance at life and I hope you realize you will make a family very happy. There are SO many couples who desperately want a baby and can't have one. I'm one of those and we adopted our son 19 years ago. He's been the apple of our whole family's life. SO loved. I beg you...take care of you and the baby. God bless you!!!