I really need some true honest advice,Please help???

Question

Hi i really need some advice, i have a bit of a problem! i recently had two twin babys. i have a 5 year old from my previouse marriage, now i'm with a new person well i have been with him 2 years, we just had twins. He is the one who supports all 5 of us, he's never home. i go crazy with the twins, i have no time for nothing. i get very depressed at times, i get lonely. what should i do, he says i should go back to work, but my little girls aren't even one. He says he needs to pay the bills and some debt that he has and we need him more at home.Please help!!!

Answer 1

i was in the same boat, my twins are now 21 mts, my other boy is 2 1/2 yrs older then the twins. my advice is be thankful your husband is working and paying the bills so you can raise your children, my husband works nights and is only home(awake) 3 hours a day.
1.get the kids on a very tight schedule.
2.get them sleep trained to go to bed on their own(you can't wrestle them every night, you will be existed.)
3. get organized ( flyladies.com )
4. find a support group for twins, because know one else has any idea. (even if it is online, i joined one on ebay)
5. get that stroller out and put it to work, get out of that house! (the kids get fussy, because they are as stir crazy as you)
6. join a church, even if you sit in the nursery half the time, you can still build a lot of friendships. and those old women at church love babies!
7. get a planner and live by it, get every detail planned. (the first year is the toughest)
8. make sure you do not have post pardem, talk to your obgyn. (i was crazy the first year! i should have been on medication.)
lastly, you can do this, you really can, i have, and i am not Grey yet! if you can contact me in some way, feel free too! it is hard, but you will be a stronger person, if you can live through twins, you can live through everything! good luck!

Answer 2

Look he cannot be there with you and work to pay the bills too. While I do understand your postion I gotta say, you need to toughen up and shoulder your part of the deal. You will be tired and that is not going to change for some time when you have twin babies and a 5 year old. Perhaps you need to carve out a little time for yourself even if it is only time enough to take a warm bath with inscense and candles and soothing music. Take the extra minutes to provide this for youself and it will go a long way to reducing your stress, which is your major problem. Try to get schedules organizes so that you get a minute to relax here and there throughout the day.

That man is working to support 5, what do you want from him. Try to see your children as a source of daily joy rather than a duty. get paper plates and cut the dishwashing time and use that to just sit down. Keep a good book to read and it can be like a little vacation. You need to take control of your life and fight your depression by taking better care of yourself. Even if he were there 24/7 it would not help because what you need is to address your inner self. You need to get more control so you do not feel so depressed. Let your kids be company now while they are at the cute stage. Be happy it is all downhill from the time they turn 10 so if ya think you are depressed now the way you are going you won't make it to the teen years.. The change needs to come from inside you, for you, and be made by you. No one can make you happy or not lonely only you can do that. Making your man responsible for your happiness is a sure route to unhappiness and to loosingyour man. Wake up and realize when you got it good. Suppose your whining drives him away, then what would you do. Know when you are well off and appreciate

Answer 3

Wow, that is a double edge sword isn't it. He is doing what he needs to do to help the family, and can't do what I am sure he would like to do and be home for you and the girls. My suggestion would be find some time to your self, even if it is just for an hour. On the weekends when he has a day off, get a sitter and go on a date with him. Take time to be you, just because you are a mom, doesn't mean you should forget your happiness and what makes you feel important. That is a mistake us mothers tend to make, make all other more important than ourselves. Just remember, others can not be happy if you yourself is not happy. Congrats on your twins, they are a beautiful gift that deserves a happy and healthy mother. The holidays are here, so take advantage and do something special for yourself. I do hope things get better, and if you ever need someone to talk to, please don't hesitate to email me.

Answer 4

You are running more than he is. Any woman with twins and a 5 year old is busier than any CEO. My heart goes out to you.

You need him but I doubt he'll stop to help. You might want to try to talk with a therapist. They can help you through the depression and help you to learn to cope with your absentee husband.

While you have a lot of bills, you might see if you can hire a baby sitter for 2 hours 2 or three times a week. They can take all the kids to a park and you can take a well-needed nap or you can leave and go have coffee - by yourself or even with a friend.

If you can't afford a babysittter, ask a friend or grandparent to help. Shoot, if you lived by me, I'd help. You might also talk with your church pastor or someone in a local church. They are mounds of help.

You might also talk with people in your childbirth classes to see if they feel similar to you. Sharing is good therapy.

You have so much going on in your life that requires your every attention. Find a way to take time - for you. Even if its to leave for weekly manicure. Just getting out can make you feel so great.

And, getting a job isn't the answer. Then you have to do all the same things at home in less time.

You are blessed but not feeling the blessing at this moment. It wil lhappen.

Answer 5

If you're not working, he needs to keep working to support you two and the kids - not much you can do about that. If you don't want to go back to work because of the babies, which is understandable btw, you'll just have to deal with being an exhausted stay-at-home mom for a while. Try to make some other friends in your area who are stay-at-home moms, you can all get together with your babies and help each other out.

Answer 6

You need to devote so much time out of the day just for you, or else you'll go stir crazy! When I was with my ex we had a newborn , 1yr old and 2yr old and he was the same way was never home.I know you don't want to leave your babies but trust me you need you time, it will help with the depression, the loneliess, the frustration. Even if you just work for a few hours a day it get you out of the house and gives you some adult conversation! Do you have relatives that can help out w/the kids?

Answer 7

congratulations on your twins! Now, you should wait until the babies are one and find yourself a daycarecenter and then find a job,it will drive you crazy to stay at home and be the one to hear the cries the one that clean diapers gives baths and multitask with home duties. Just find ways to share with your hubby when the babies are asleep or ask a relative to stay a few hours with them so you can have a nice dinner out or go dancing. You will see that everything will ease up once you get the feel of it. Good luck!

Answer 8

I'm in a situation similar to your boyfriend. My gf sits at home all day like a housewife, and meanwhile, I pray and hope for overtime every day so I can pay the bills. I don't know what to tell you. If you want him to spend more time at home, you gotta pick up an extra income, whether it's some work from home, or whatever. It's probably not helping him that you want him to stay home more. I know when I get home I just want to relax or sleep, not spend time with my gf or her kids, or at least not as much as she would want.

Answer 9

Pause...what will happen if he is at home and not work, your family will be behind financially and then you will be miserable because of your needs! I think you are just exhausted, and like he said if you go back to work you can take half the load off him, and that way you will spend equal time at home together. Stop fanasizing about another dimension, be realistic, he loves you and is working hard so you don't have to. I think you're just sick of this routine and also not having the freedom you did before your 4angels were born.........Pray more often honey, ask for a job that allows him to be with his family more, and also ask for patience and compassion....whatever you do dont nag him!

Answer 10

Many states are now offering a full day Kindergarten program in their public schools, for which your 5-year old would be eligible. These school also offer before and after school care, usually beginning at 7 a.m. until school time and after school until 6 p.m. Contact your school for this service.

Low-cost day care for children under pre-school age may also be available in your area. Your local school may be able to guide you to agencies providing this care.

Can you make enough money to pay for the day care for your two girls, the before and after school cost of keeping your 5-year old, and still contribute money to the household bills and debt by going to work?

Remember, you will probably still be expected by your "new person" to keep the house clean, do the laundry, cook the meals, and take care of the children's needs at night. You will probably also be the one who gets them ready for school; taking them there and picking them up.