We have been dating for a year and engaged about 8 months, planning a May wedding. I also have a 4 yr old son from a previous relationship.
I lost my job in July and moved in with him because I couldn't afford to keep my apartment. I finally found a new job a couple of weeks ago. Things have really started to go downhill between us...he has shown himself to be extremely selfish and inconsiderate, but more importantly he has stopped treating his bipolar disorder and his behavior has become increasingly erratic. I want to leave him but I have nowhere to go, no $$ saved and huge debt from being unemployed for 4 months. I know if I tell him I don't want to marry him he will throw me out, but I am afraid to let my son continue to witness his mental illness. I have no family in the area I can turn to for help. I have considered sending him to live with a relative whily I save $ and prepare to move out "on the sly". Any suggestions out there???
2006-12-01 16:23:59 · 22 answers · asked by atty2b2012 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Clarification--I am considering sending my son to live with relatives, not my fiance. I'm not asking the man to move out of his own house.
2006-12-01 16:33:36 · update #1
Roommates!!! The more the better at the moment till you can afford a place of your own.
2006-12-01 16:30:52 · answer #1 · answered by alegna_2004 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is his place so you have no right to tell him to move out for ANY length of time. In addition, sneaky tactics to use his place and then leave "on the sly" is very underhanded. Do you let your son witness that kind of behavior as well? You may not have family in the area but clearly you have family somewhere. Be honest with him, go there and stay with them a while until you can save up some money. Life is not always about taking the easy road. Have some integrity, You will feel better about yourself in the long run. (and PS......getting engaged after only 2 months was not a great idea was it? after a previous failed relationship you have a son from you should have made a better choice and gotten to know him for a while before getting engaged....sorry but that is the truth)
2006-12-01 16:32:32 · answer #2 · answered by xovenusxo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, let me get this straight, you met him a year ago, engaged to him at 4 months and you LOST your job in July and you just STARTED working again? And he's erratic? I don't know, but the fact that you have no family close to you, moved you and your child into the home of a man you had been dating for less than a year, and now you're looking for help because you think he stopped taking his meds for bi-polar? What are you on? Because frankly my dear, I fear for your child as your judgement is really lacking to put your kid through such flimsy excuses for a life here. No way would I be dragging my kid through a mental health issue boyfriend/finace, nor a loss of job, while your bf/finace paid the bills and now that you have a job this week, you feel the need to move. So move! Please find somewhere more stable for your child and it does sound like sending him to a relative might be better, much better, than what you have been exposing him to so far. Shame on you! Thank goodness, you do have some idea that this may be too much to expose your 4 yo to, too bad this didn't occur to you and the time you were moving in........Good luck!
2006-12-01 16:37:51 · answer #3 · answered by Tippy's Mom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i know your stuck between a rock and a hard place. find a way to get your son away to the relative. while the child is gone, have a long talk with him. while you talk, be calm and do not let your emotions get the best of you. let him know that you love him but you are worried. make him understand that you are concerned about him. you have to give your fiance and ultimatim, either he takes his meds or you will leave him. i know a great deal about mental illness. he will never get better but the medication is the key to stabilizing his mood swings. sometimes people with mental illness start feeling better while taking the meds then get to a point where they feel they don't need it anymore because the feel normal. that's called a "euphoria state". not so. not by a long shot. while you are helping him to get stabilized, put away money to leave. lets call this your "just in case he flips money." at the same time that you're "being there for him" you are also planning an escape just in case. put the money where he will not find it. you have to do this for yourself and your child. if you decide to say, please do not bring your child back until you know for sure he is taking his medication. if you have to give him the pills yourself then do it. it can get that serious. i'm not saying that people with mental illness are bad. do not get me wrong. but you know him. you know what he's like when he's taking his meds and when he's not. it's like night and day. if you can't handle it then go. you and your child need piece of mind.
2006-12-01 16:48:28 · answer #4 · answered by NoDeal21 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yup ... save the cash ... make your own personal stache ... your escape funding! In the mean time see if you can find a friend with a extra room you could rent till you can get your own place ......Parents or siblings .... another option. If he gets real loose and crazy find a shelter ...the safety of you and your little one are the most important thing here ......
Never send your child anywhere with out you ... be a family and do it togeather..... leave the soon to be ex- in the dust.
Jst get ready ... set ... and when he's out ....Go! don't leave anything behind you cant just throw away .....
Florida is nice this time of year.
2006-12-01 16:36:24 · answer #5 · answered by John 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
U and ur son go 2 a womens shelter. Bipolar disrder is no joke as i;m sure u know. I dont want to scare u but that break up could turn ugly. He needs 2 get help. Do that mess 4rum s distance where he cant find u or ur son, then get a restraning order. Good luck
2006-12-01 16:39:45 · answer #6 · answered by 1hotmama 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit down and have a long talk with him. You need to convince him that he must treat his Bi Polar problem meds or what ever was helping. Explain how worried you are stress that you love him BUT if he continues to let this bi polar run wild with no meds you feel that it is hurting your relashinship with him. Get him on meds and get a job save some bucks and move ASP. If he won't get help then you might have to relocate your son for his own safety and well being. Good luck sounds like your in a hard position and right at the holidays.
2006-12-01 16:30:22 · answer #7 · answered by cin_ann_43 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Do you not have friends that would understand your situation and help you out? I personally agree that your son should not witness his bipolar disorder that he is failing to maintain control of with medication. If he is selfish and and inconsiderate now just image how he will be if you marry him, I suggest you get out now. If you must send your son away to live with relatives please make sure he fully understands he did not do anything wrong. A friend of mine sent her 4 yr old son to live with her parents while she did her internship for a year and although she tried to explain to him why he was going to grandma's and grandpa's he was always asking them why she sent him away and what he did wrong. I wish you the best.
2006-12-01 16:29:12 · answer #8 · answered by texas_angel_wattitude 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree that you need to get out of that situation, but don't send your child away!! Go with him. Can you imagine how terrified a four year old would feel being sent away from his mother? Once you get someplace safe, take a good look at your life, and the choices you have been making. Focus on raising your child, not your love-life. That poor child doesn't need any more of your drama.
2006-12-02 03:26:07 · answer #9 · answered by Tiss 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HI Hun, yes I agree send your son to live with a relative for now,for he should by no means have to see this he is the one in your life you should be protecting. I will say onething at least you found out what he is like before you got married thats a plus. now the key is to get out of there asap. and say good bye. If you lived near us my wife and I would help you out as we have others in the past. good luck and do it fast DDS will help you out to. plz keep us in touch and let us know how you make out. thank you Joe
2006-12-01 16:46:44 · answer #10 · answered by Joe G 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
what's ur first decision u would take without thinking about it twice? Ask GOD 4 guidance...i promise u he will help u! I would say move out as soon as possible, ur kids 1st. Think about it if a little bird can survive out there, with no house, food, or anyone: dont u think u can survive? U'll make it, i will be praying 4 you*
2006-12-01 16:29:32 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋