My 16 yr old son wants to go away for the weekend. Should I let him?

Question

He is a very responsible kid. He is above average in school. He is not into drugs or alcohol. And believe me, I would know. He has an older sister who was into drugs I'd never heard of and we caught on very quickly. The friend he wants to go with is a nice kid when he comes to our house. I do know he has been in trouble in the past with drinking and the like. But he is always great when he's here. His parents are complete nut jobs and he is the most normal person in his family. Examples: The father drinks heavily, Mom does pills. They would be driving from Connecticut to New Hampshire and staying with the other boy's uncle, whom I do not know. My son and this boy did do a weekend camping in June about 20 miles away and there were no problems. Any thoughts?

Answer 1

I have 2 sons . One is 22 and the other is 16.. The oldest had some really questionable friends when he was 16 but the boys were very respecful and never did anything in my home..They also had parents that drank..One of his friends still drinks and he is a very intelligent young man now ...Just not too smart when it comes to common sense..
Of course I made sure that they were forewarned if anything came into our home , that that would be the last time..These boys were always little angels when they came over but outside of my home , they were not...

I believe that you should ask yourself and do a little more homework on a few things...

1. Who is the uncle anyway... I would 1st talk to the uncle and get some more info about his lifestyle....
2. No offense but just because your sons friend is good when he comes to your house , doesn't mean he will be that way elsewhere..Especially at another family members home..
Has he got into any trouble since the camping trip...
3. Is your son a LEADER or FOLLOWER?? Can he make desicions without the crowd pressuring him...
4.In a legal sense , if something happens when he is gone ,( ex.. they get into a drinking binge and your son is hospitalized.. of course it all hypothetical)then not only is the uncle responsible, so are you for letting him go..

my 16 year old does get some room to exercize his freedom but I still make the last desicion regardless of what he thinks and if I feel its not good for him, then he doesn't do it period...

Yes . alot of parents and people feel that 16 is old enough to allow them to explore their freedom more and to a point that is true... Its also the age where they will experiment more and good sense can go out the window...

They are easily swayed at this age and can /will do things sometimes just to fit in....

I would 1st do some deeper homework on uncle,the friend ( has he been in trouble since camping trip,how long is the stay, and making sure that your son has way to communicate with you IF you let him go...

Regardless of how others see it, you are still the parent and you are still responsible if something does happen...

If my 16 year old ask if he could go , I would do the things I listed 1st and then make a desicion based on the info I got..

Hope this helped you and good luck :)

Answer 2

I seem to be in the minority because I think it would be a bad idea to let your son go on the trip. There are a number of reasons for my opinion.

First, just because his friend acts nice with you doesn't mean a thing. Many kids who are irresponsible do that to impress their friend's parents.

I used to work as a R.N. on a psych. unit for many years and most times when the parents have problems, so do the kids. When you say "he is the most normal one in the family", what you really mean is that he "seems" normal when he is with you.You say that your son's friend has had problems in the past with "drinking and the like". That's not a good sign.

I suspect that your son's friend is also 16 y/o. It is a big difference letting them drive 20 miles to go camping than to let them drive to a different state. At 16 y/o, your son and his friend are new drivers and are at the highest risk for having car accidents. And your son's friend has a history of drinking!

You say that your son's friend's parent's are "nut jobs". Well, the uncle is part of the family, and you have never met him and know nothing about him!

The more that I think about it, the more the idea of you letting your son go on the trip, scares me to death! It seem to me that it is a recipe for disaster! I would never let my 16 y/o son go on that trip! Even if he is responsible, his friend is suspect and so is the uncle.

After your son is 18 y/o, has 2 more years of driving experience, and is better able to not let irresponsible friends influence his behavior, would I let him go on a trip like that.

Those people who said that if you said no to your son that he would only want to more and that he might do something behind your back make no sense. If you used that logic you would never say "no" to anything! Unfortunately, many parents in this country have come to believe that stupid idea.

Answer 3

There is no way a 16 year old should go to strangers for a weekend! Some towns do not even allow 16 years olds out after curfew! They should be supervised! And not by the "Nut Job Parents!" Going out of State! No Way! Most kids friends are 'Nice' when in front of the parents, so this is no indication of what will go on out of sight. I'd also ask why they need to go so far away, and to wait until they turn 18, to go to another State! At the very least I'd call the uncle, and his wife if he has one.......and find out what's going on! Anything could happen, they could be picked up for curfew and you'd have to drive a State away to get him. This is simply too far away into the unknown for this to be a good idea! Do NOT be afraid to say NO! Sorry kids!

Answer 4

Definetely let him go! Remember adolescence is the hardest time of our lives and when you shut down a perfectly reasonable adventure after just explaining how wonderful your son is, how do you think he will feel? He'll feel like he can never do enough to impress you and that's when the problems will start. Give him a chance to earn your trust and have some fun at the same time. He needs the chance to be a kid before he's older and will have soo much more to deal with in life without even knowing how to look after himself away from home.

Answer 5

I don't know maybe I'm wrong, sounds like to me you've answered your own question. If you didn't hear yourself, you said no. How do you know what happen on the camping trip? If you keep asking for trouble, its going to answer you. Have you ever heard of guilt by association? This is not even a friendship that I would have even encouraged from day one. Be sure to pray while your child is on the road and away.

Answer 6

I agree with Jonas_J...call the uncle and find out more about the weekend until you feel comfortable, express your concerns. Also, I suggest you call the nutty parents and outline your expectations as well. And you should have your son call you when he arrives, and each day, including calling when he leaves. Make sure you have everyone else's contact information And tell your son, of course, about your expectations...no drinking, drugs and to "make good choices!"

Answer 7

U KNOW THE FACTS BETTER THAN WE, WHAT DOES YOUR GUT TELL YOU!

With that said, Congratulations on doing a good job with your son!
NOW, remember that we are influenced but EVERYONE around us in a positive OR negative way. Do you and your son speak honestly and openly about everything? Sex, drugs, stealing etc. Good kids do bad things because they are human NOT because they are bad. He will make mistakes, just try to help him learn the lessons and he is ready to start using his wings. Sometimes we have to be parents, sometimes good listeners, sometimes mentors, sometimes life guides.
The only part of this story that worries me is that his friends parents sound very immature. I would be very concerned with that. It is soooo tempting to hang with those type of people when you are a teen. It always seems cool, especially if the parents act like teenagers themselves. They might be a VERY BAD influence on him. That worries me. His friend behaving well at your house sounds like respect to me. He might be respectful at your house but it sounds like he cant respect himself. Is he teaching this to your son? Opposites attract.
MY OPINION------------Don't let him go, but discuss the situation regarding his friends family first and your concerns. If he insists, maybe tell him you will consider it and have to think it through a bit. Give him a parents(yours) perspective. Your concern for his safety,health etc. Ask him to see it from your eyes.
You sound like a GREAT mom. Don't let ANYTHING get between you and your son. You will be his rock in the high seas of life.

Answer 8

I would have a long phone conversation with the Uncle first. Talk to him about what the boys will be doing, and what kind of things you find acceptable. Mention all of the concerns you might have, including the drinking issues. If you feel good about things after the conversation, then give it a try.

Answer 9

I would say let him go. He seems like a good influence for the other boy. He also seems trustworthy so you shouldn't have anything to worry about. Have him call you every morning and night while he's away jsut to check-up. You said they'd been out for a weekend before so everything should be fine. I know it's your job, but try not too worry too much, it seems like you have a good kid.

Answer 10

I think I would trust him, but give him some guidelines before he leaves. I have all boys. All children will do better if they know what is expected of them and given a little trust. You know your son better than any of us here, so you will have to make that decision. In a couple of years he will be out on his own, he has to learn sometime...or it will be bad for you and him when he is older.