Please help! My husband is extremely lazy. We have two small children and i need more help. I work full time, go to school full time, and constantly clean my house when I am home. I have given up on even trying to get him to work up the initiative to do household chores, but it absolutely drives me crazy that he won't even pick up after himself! He leaves anything he touches on the floor- dirty diapers, dishes, clothes, etc. I clean my house every morning before I go to school and work. When I get home my house is absolutely trashed! So, instead of getting to spend time with my family, I have to clean the entire house when I get home. I don't think its right to make my children live in filth. He also stays up late and dirties the house again while I'm asleep. When I'm home with the kids I get house work done. So why can't he? I have tried asking nicely for him to help. I have begged, pleaded, cried and screamed. Nothing works! How can i get him to help me? I am considering divorce.
2006-12-01 15:55:01 · 34 answers · asked by sarah s 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I did this to my ex, since he wants to live in garbage let him sleep in it. Dump the trash on top of him while he is sleeping. Or wake his *** up in the early am and tell him to get his sorry behind up and clean up the dishes.
My ex started cleaning the house because I showed him I meant business.
2006-12-01 16:03:11 · answer #1 · answered by Sassy Shut Your Mouth 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Your begging, pleading, crying, and screaming are only going to affect you and your children's physical and emotional health.
Some men have grown up in a home where the wife and mother did all the household chores. These men feel "entitled" to services they have seen performed only by women.
Your husband's priorities and sense of responsibility are not going to change. If you can, forget about cleaning your house everyday. Of course, dirty diapers need to be disposed of; but, cleaning your entire house every day is a futile endeavor, leading to frustration for you and confrontations with your husband that you won't win.
Concentrate your energy on your children, work, and going to school. If an immaculate home is your first priority, perhaps you would be more content without your husband.
2006-12-01 16:19:48 · answer #2 · answered by Baby Poots 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stop nagging, offer generous positive reinforcement in the bedroom that he would not regret!
Don't get a divorce, just see that he is a man, and any man is offer awesome sexual positive reinforcement, he would for sure help around the house!
just let him know what is the reinforcement if he does something for you!
I am not trying to be weird, but men are simple people, and if you want something done around the house, and yes I commend you work all day, with the kids and everything, a man is not going to do nothing unless there is something for them for it!
Kids are the same way, don't use negative reinforcements, use positive, where both win win both ways!
Also, let the small stuff go, and try to separate your emotions from work at home, and your home at work!
I have 3 special needs children, and 4 kids total, and alto of work, all the screaming, and nagging is not going to accomplished anything! But positive reinforcements does, and keeps the blood pressure down, and everyone is happy and it is a win win for everyone!
2006-12-01 16:28:26 · answer #3 · answered by ourjacobdavid 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried a cattle prod? Just kidding. Look, you have got to understand one thing, he doesn't think it matters. It doesn't matter to him and it does to you. Opposites attract. Leaving him would definately get his attention... for awhile, but what about next time. I'd say try couseling, but I bet you would say you don't have the time or the money. He is happy as a pig in a pen to live in filth. I'd tell you to stop cleaning up and let it pile up, and see if that would help, but it wouldn't and he could out wait you. Ask him "What is it going to take for you to get off your LAZY @ss and help me"? "Do I have to leave your LAZY @ss!" The only bad thing is, he might want you to leave so he can live in filth and not be nagged. I feel for you. You are between a rock and a hard place. I don't know you, but are you a perfectionist? Does everything have to be perfect before you can move on, so to speak? A little messy isn't bad, kids are naturally messy. People don't expect your house to be perfect. It's ok to let things go and have fun with your family. Maybe you are being too uptight? Probably not, he is probably everything you said he was, but...maybe filth to you is dirty dishes in the sink. You need to cut yourself some slack. I'd stay on him about picking up after himself. I wonder what his mom was like, what his family life was like before he married you. Do you come from a spotless house? Or maybe an filthy one and you are not wanting to live like that anymore.? I wish you luck. If you ever find out how to get him to not be lazy, write a book and you will become a multi-millionaire.
2006-12-01 16:15:07 · answer #4 · answered by Becky F 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Like my husband, it seems like having a clean/picked up house is not a huge priority. Looking at all that is on your plate, relax, don't worry about the house, enjoy your kids! I know this is hard, but really look what you are doing in your life!.....work/school/raising 2 kids. You can not change a man, you married him, you have children with him, it could be a lot worse. (drunk, druggie, abusive) Give yourself and your family a break for awhile, enjoy the kids. If it is too messy to be there, then take the kids out. It will be OK. School will be done a some point, maybe years, and then you can clean and hey who knows if you let it go enough he may get off his butt and clean. My husband tells me not to worry let it go and when I have, he has suddenly cleaned like a mad man! Good luck, take deep breaths and if it would make you happy, take one room in the house and keep it clean for your sanity. It will be OK!
2006-12-01 16:23:51 · answer #5 · answered by jewels 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Remind him you are married and you both need to split the chores etc. Should there be a reason he can't help then there had better be a good answer for that. It's too much work for one person and he must do his share. Remind him you leave the house clean and when you return home you expect to find it the same way when you return. Should it not be then he will clean it on his own when you return from school or work. This will get him...tell him< No one lives here free. So..do your share.
2006-12-01 16:12:49 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sarah, dont kill yourself over this lazy bum. What you need to do one of these days is just don't clean up. I know it will look like a sty, but if he doesn't mind, let the house be a sty for a while and don't even mention anythng to him. Go round the trash in the morning ad in the evening, if he is normal, he will clean up if not, he needs a pysch.
The other thing you may wish to find out is if he is stressed out, do you bug or nag him about cleaning, I know most men whan bagged dont move a muscle and in this way they try to flex their muscles on their wives, cheap way for a duel, but that's the way it is.
Try talking about these things with close friends, and see if it wil bring signs of sanity in him...but you are doing a good thng, hangin there. He's gonna chnage thats a fact. Watch...
2006-12-01 16:03:25 · answer #7 · answered by Trinity 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you suggested couple's therapy? If he won't go for that try writing him a letter or e-mail (it's impersonal but it doesn't seem as he pays much attention to your spoken words) explain to him how it makes you feel and how much you would appreciate a little help around the house. How is your romantic relationship? Is there something between you too other than kids? If he is draining you of all energy and refusing to help you out maybe you would be better off without him. A loving husband should be his wife's ally, not her nemesis. It sounds like you are trying to make things work but he's not pitching in any. If you're not happy, consider taking steps to give yourself the life you deserve. It might take you away from him but it might be for the best. Good luck.
2006-12-01 16:01:01 · answer #8 · answered by NamGem 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If a clean house is more important to you than having a loving father living with your kids full time - then leave him.
Two small children and you work full time and go to school full time? Yikes! It's not just your husband who needs to make some changes.
Maybe counseling will help.
2006-12-01 16:00:41 · answer #9 · answered by liddabet 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I really understand your plight. However, you made the choice. Unfortunately there are children involved, to which they are being given a very negative example of responsibility. I suggest that you and he get professional help. If he refuses, then pack your bags,make him a nice breakfast and dinner,gather your children and leave. Where? That's your choice, anywhere is better than living with ..you know who.
2006-12-01 16:06:20 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋