My ex wife doesnt want me to see my son of 4. I have a court order to see him which she ignores, We split when he was 2, I have only seen him on 41 occations since then. My ex and her family have asured me I will be out of his life completely soon. and that she is going to find someone else to bring him up. I left her as she was so promiscuous, she in turn is very bitter about the seperation.
75% of divorced men in the uk lose contact with the children by the 3rd year of seperation. I spent 14 months in court to be granted contact, only to discover that the court orders arn't inforced. I have tried everything to see my son and stay in his life, but I know I face the blunt reality that she will suceed in keeping contact cut, and i in turn will spend the next 12 years in court trying to maintain it. She is now moving 'as far away as possible' with him.
How will he be affected ? anyone been in the position of my son? Ive tried everything, absolutely everything.
2006-12-01 15:27:45 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Just don't give up on him. The effect that could have would be the worst. He may (and by the sounds of it it's highly probable) have many adult male figures around him from now on and you need to make sure you stay consistant and in his life. If she refuses to let you see him, keep on fighting anyway. Any chance you get see him, if you can't write to him.
Good luck, your ex sounds very bitter, sad and pathetic. I hope she wises up to what she's lost and sees what she's depriving your son of too.
2006-12-02 00:25:00 · answer #1 · answered by Sarey Gamp 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well 1st of all I did the math, & if you've seen him 41 times in two years that is an average of about once every 2 1/2 weeks.
I know as a parent, that is still not enough time for a Dad to see his son, but I have heard of cases where the father was cut out a whole lot more.
He will be affected by this, especially if he is the pawn in a tug of war, I can guarantee you, he will be affected.
He will be especially affected if he ever comes to believe that you gave up on him, so don't ever do that.
If she succeeds in estranging you from your son, then he will one day turn to her, & ask his mom, "WHY?" And she will have to answer to that.
You know the courts in the UK better that I (I'm from Canada) but the relationship that exists between a father & son is UNIVERSAL. So fight for your son. It's not about winning or losing, or who's right or whos's wrong. It's about your son, & how he's going to suffer without you in his life AS A POSITIVE ROLE MODEL. Your ex-wife can marry again, & your son can have a step-dad, but there is no reason on earth that he should not know his bio-dad, & the UK courts must know that.
Best of luck to you & your son.
2006-12-01 23:45:46 · answer #2 · answered by No More 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your son is 4 then he was born before dec 2003??? every child registard after dec2003 the father has equal parental rights.
It sounds like your ex is a bad mother if this is the case then go for custody. Get proof that she is a bad mother thats the only way.
I really feel for you as my son was in the same position luckily he won custody although the mother is allowed daily contact.
Anyone can file for a residency order but you will need proof that she is a bad mum. Get witnesses tape evidence etc. But make sure you are whiter than white.
He will still need his mother dont try to cut her out. At four he will already know his own mind about her.
My Grandson is three and doesnt have that special relationship with his mother. The welfare officers of the courts could see this it was so obvious. Its sad but its a reality. He willbe affected but to lessen the effect Go for custody.
2006-12-02 06:46:50 · answer #3 · answered by multiflowercolour 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Gad UK divorce laws SUCK when it comes to “parental rights” !!! Here in the U.S. some States (judges therein) can actually bar (stop) a parent from moving away from the ex-spouse when the express reason is to prevent the child from seeing the non-custodial parent.
Will it screw up the kid? yup it will. “Hoser Queen ex” will undoubtedly (probably already has) spend a whole lot of time trying to imprint on the child what a rotten Dad you are. (ain’t that just lovely? not!) Sounds like collectively all males in the UK should form an organization and get the laws CHANGED!! Whatever you do/don’t do,, try to keep track of the little one so when he(?) reaches the age of consent, you can contact him and “re-start” some sort of a father-son relationship. Vindictive ol’ sack-hopper anyway,, No “mother” would want to hurt a child that way just to be spiteful to an “ex”. Wish you all the best….
2006-12-01 23:55:25 · answer #4 · answered by logicalanswer 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have every right to enforce the court order and to keep the visitation and residency agreement current. Enforcing it means holding her in contempt of court and possible jail time. Consider that effect on your son. If you are not current in child support you could weaken you case with the judge. See about having a Law Guardian appointed for your son. You will have to pay their fee. Somethings will be out of your control because they are strictly a confidential advocate for the child but it will even the playing field between you and your ex.
2006-12-01 23:43:54 · answer #5 · answered by CAE 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sure how it works in the UK but it really depends on the role model she finds as a father for him on how he will be effected. He may have a loving step father who teaches him to be a great man you can be rpoud of and the fact that you won't give up fighting for him will show him his real father loved him.. Good Luck and God Bless
2006-12-01 23:36:15 · answer #6 · answered by Amy M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep on fighting. I also believe that your son's mother does not have his best interests at heart. He needs his daddy. When he is old enough to decide for himself, fair enough, but he has not had a chance to get to know you. These are such crucial years in his life. He'll thank you one day, for continuing to fight and keep evidence of everything for him and for the courts. You could also argue to the courts that she is not only going against their decision but is also not acting in the best interests of the child...
2006-12-02 06:46:04 · answer #7 · answered by Little One 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good for you for continuing to try. Is there any way you can get your ex to go to counseling with you to talk it out in front of a therapist? If not, can you get a lawyer to get back with the legal system and demand they enforce the order? Your ex is hurting your son by not letting him see you. Obviously she does not have his best interests at heart. Good luck!
2006-12-01 23:36:18 · answer #8 · answered by xovenusxo 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you love him keep on fighting for him and going to see him every chance that you get.
If you keep this up long enough one day he will be old enough to sort out his mothers actions and will make the choice for himself to spend time with you and she won't be able to interfere.
If you give up, he will fill as though you didn't love him enough to want him in your life.
2006-12-01 23:34:02 · answer #9 · answered by yeller 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
unfortunately either the kid will relise how much of a female dog the mother is and go looking for you or end up resenting u either way alot cannot be done, i have and still am in this dilema as a woman, i have been kind to give my ex as much access to my daughter as possible, you just have to be there as much as you can for them ...if not then they hate you for it later....
2006-12-02 08:37:16 · answer #10 · answered by Trudy Joy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋