My firend just got divorced, she is in a real bad depression....How do I help her?

Question

One of my best friends just got divorced from her piece of @#@$ husband, with whom she is still madly in love with. He has cheated on her, lied on her, put her down to others, still wants her sexually and to keep bailing him out of financial trouble. Its like he wants her and everything else too. She is so torn up over him, we are all afraid that she will try to harm herself. She even caught him with another woman that he said they were just friends. I have never seen her like this.....HELPPPPP!!!!
PS: He tells her that he still loves her just not like he use to and wants her atleast in the bedroom.

Answer 1

"Turn from the past and look toward the future ...YOUR future"

Sometimes after a separation or divorce, we find ourselves dwelling in the past, our thoughts consumed with that other person. You will begin to heal when you start thinking and writing about what you want for your life. stop focusing on the past and ex-husband's life and start focusing on what you want, then your life will begin to move forward in a powerful way. It was almost a physical sensation of turning your body forward toward a new future. Begin to create new goals in your life and push past the fear of being alone. Setting goals is very important in this process of turning to your new life. You will never meet a truly depressed person who has goals for his/her life and we know that this is true.

Part of the healing process is being free of your hurt. You also need to get on with your life. The end of a marriage can be very painful, but it's not the end of the world. Eventually, you'll get past your hurt and create a new life. How long it takes to accomplish this is up to you. The recovery process can be very fast or it can take years. To have it be fast, take the following steps:


Create a new life - No matter what has happened in your past, your future is always a clean slate. Now, more than ever, you have the opportunity to create the life of your dreams. Take some time right now to create some new goals for your new life. The first step in creating your life is to find what you want.
How do you want your life to be?
What do you want to have?
What do you want to do?
What have you always wanted to do?
What activities have you always wanted to try but something kept you from trying them?
Are there any groups that you have wanted to join?

Get clear on what you want. Then start taking the steps you need to have your dreams come true.

Be active - As long as you are swimming, you'll stay above water, but as soon as you stop swimming, you'll start to sink. The same thing happens in life. As long as you are active and moving forward, you'll stay above water, but as soon as you withdraw, you'll start to sink. The more you withdraw, the more life stops working. The more life stops working, the more you withdraw. You create a downward cycle that leads to depression and a very painful life. So don't withdraw. Be active. Look for and find the things in life that bring you joy. Then do them as often as you can. Create a life of fun and adventure.

Be willing to feel your hurt - After a breakup, you are likely to experience waves of hurt. This isn't bad news, this is good news. This is true because every wave of hurt is an opportunity for a deeper healing. Whenever you feel sadness, that hurt is coming up to be released. If you allow the hurt, like a child, the hurt will come and go. If you fight the hurt, you'll push it back inside. So allow yourself to feel your hurt. Whenever the hurt comes up, reach in and grab as much of it as you can. Let in the feelings of being worthless, not good enough or not worth loving. Cry if you can. Let the hurt come and let it go. When you allow yourself to cry and to feel your hurt, you not only heal the hurt of the moment, but you also heal hurt from your past. You gain a little more peace of mind and life works a little better.


Don't jump into a new relationship - When a relationship ends, we often want to get into another relationship as fast as we can. We do this to avoid our hurt. Although this may bring some temporary relief, the avoidance of this hurt tends to create more suffering in the long run. This is true for several reasons. The more eager you are to find a relationship, the less patience you'll have to find the person that's best for you. You are likely to end up in a relationship that doesn't support you, so take your time.

Feeling this hurt can be very uncomfortable, but it's the best time for a major healing. Now that your hurt is on the surface, you can heal it. Allow yourself to feel your hurt and put your focus on creating a life that you enjoy. As you do this, the hurt will lose power and soon disappear. You will then have more peace of mind and be in a much better position to find the relationship of your dreams.

Focus on the opportunity - When you started your relationship, you certainly never planned for it to end, but this is what happened. Now you have a choice. You can either consider your new situation as an opportunity or as a predicament. Whichever you choose is what you'll get. If you focus on the opportunity, life will open up and great things will happen. If you focus on the predicament, you'll get more suffering. So focus on the opportunity. Look for what's possible and take the steps to have your dreams come true. There is nothing you can do about your past but there is a lot you can do about your future. Have your life be great.

Here are some more things that can help you move forward:

1. Remove photos of your past partner that are prominently positioned in your house (You don't have to destroy them. Just put them away.)

2. If you're staying in the same house that you and your partner shared, move the furniture and put some different things on the walls. Different inexpensive items that are "you" can really help you to move from your past into your present and future.

3. Sign up for a class that will get you physically active--yoga, Tai Chi, martial arts, aerobics, swimming, tennis. Get your body moving! When you get your body moving, endorphins are released into your bloodstream that help you to feel more positive and uplifted.

4. If you are on your own, find a support group, people who will not support you in being a victim or rehash why you left, but groups who will stimulate you into new thought and new ideas. Take at your local university, church or community center that can help steer you in new directions together.

Good Luck>r

Answer 2

He only wants her in the bed. As long as she allows him to control her emotionally , he will continue to do it. She has all the control and she has to find it inside herself to fight her feelings and start saying NO! As women we are emotionally. We think if we prove to a man how we feel about them they will become butter in our hands but we are the ones that become butter in their hands. They know how to use our emotions to their advantage and do. We are the ones in control but we have to say NO. And let what happens after that just happen. She needs to start seeing what else there is in life and see how lucky she really she that she has been given another chance to find a new love. And if she has kids she needs to put her kids first and her emotions second. She feels like she has failed and she's not worth loving anyone else. She didn't fail! He gave up on everything. She did her part and now his the one on his own. Let him go and sure as the world as soon as she has got herself back together and she's back on her feet emotionally and See's it was him not her, he'll be begging to come back and she's not going to want him back. Why take the left overs.

Answer 3

1st i would like to call her as Rainbow

my dear think like this ur life is like a Rainbow
you filled with all the major colours
you aren't this world often
u r coming only in special occassion

and even also u need not to come down
other than others needs to come close to u
then my dear
why do you in worry
u r Rainbow U need not to go down

finally i would like to remind you that u are higher than every one and everything

just forget everything and
Please rise new RAINBOW

urs
BANDA from Sri Lanka

Answer 4

i really pity your friend. I can imagine how devastated she feels. It's really sad. My only advice for u to her is that as a friend, you should be there for her. Keep encouraging her and keep giving her the necessary support that she needs from a close friend. With time i'm certain she would get over him.

Answer 5

Try telling your friend she needs to decide what she wants in a relationship ..... if she like the door mat thing then rock on...... if she has higher expectations ...then move on....
to allow him to "Come & Go" ...thats like free road service .... geezz

Let him earn the respect and attention (if any) she provides .... she has value .. help her see it!

If she starts saying no ... thats a first step.

Good Luck

Answer 6

Listen to her and talk to her as a friend. Do not say anything bad about her old man even if you want to. Let her say it and agree if it is bad.

Answer 7

how can she still love him, if he hurts her so much?
i don't think she really loves him. I think that she loves the idea of loving him.
she needs to liberate herself from the miserable bum who dose not Honor her and love her.
be glad about your divorce, because you will be free. free to find a man who has eyes only for you.
you need to choose to be happy. and only then will you be free to love and be loved .
good luck

Answer 8

the only thing you can do for her is be there for her. Just listening will help her more than anything.

Answer 9

she needs therapy most likely to get over this. Please call for her and get an appt set up