My husband and I rarely have sex and he doesn't want to be intimate with me. We've been together for a year and have a 2 month old baby and it seems like after I had the baby he just doesn't want to be intimate or anything. What really irritates me is that he'd rather play poker all night or drink all night with his friends than spend time with me. And when he does want to have sex it's like 15 minutes before he has to leave to work(a quickie). But when we're relaxing and I try to make a move on him he would tell me that he's full from eating or he's tired or HOLD ON. This always happens almost everyday. Sometimes I think he's cheating on me but our relationship is fine its just that he doesn't want to have sex with me. Should I be worried about this? Help me..
2006-12-01 14:48:35 · 28 answers · asked by Jenna06 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I went through this problem. We would hardly have sex, and i've heard the excuses, like 'my back hurts' or 'i ate too much, i feel sick' It was driving me crazy cause i Needed it more often. I used to think that I was the problem, until i stumbled onto his computer PORN collection. It was crazy, and it made me sick. I confronted him, he got MAD at me for finding it. But we eventually talked about it, and he doesn't watch porn as much (i wish it was never, but we've got it down to like once a month), and we have a much better sex life.
I don't know if that is Your problem, but that was my problem. Other than that, maybe he has a low testosterone level or some other kind of medical reason. I hope you guys get it figured out!
2006-12-01 14:56:20 · answer #1 · answered by Stark 6 · 5⤊ 0⤋
I had this problem. My husband only wanted sex about every 2 years or so. we went as long as 3 years without being intimate. He wasn't cheating on me, he found out by chance that he had very low testosterone level because the Dr. was doing alot of tests on him for something else. I was relieved to find out it wasnt my fault. Give it a little time since yall have a new baby ;then find a sitter for a "date" night. Make it romantic at home and see what happens.
2006-12-01 23:08:25 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
He's having to deal with being a family man rather than just the two of you. Spending time drinking and playing cards is a way of trying to not let go of his freedom, and the sex is only when he's desperate. While its not for you to sort out his mess, you've got enough looking after a small child, it is in your interest to do so.
Show him that there can be family time, and 'US' time, and that you want the 'US' time to be you and him, like it used to be rather than him and his friends
2006-12-01 23:07:32 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you should be terribly worried. This is not the way marriage is supposed to work. You need to talk this out. He's got to start investing more or himself in the family then being self-centered and unloving and uncaring. Have one of the Grandma's watch the baby and go out on a date. Eat a nice meal and then go some place for coffee and ask him point-blank what the problem is. If he says there is none, then quietly tell him how you feel about the lack of sex and that things have to change. If you can't talk this out, you'll probably have to get outside help. I wish you the best.
2006-12-01 22:56:52 · answer #4 · answered by Darby 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I don't think he's cheating on you, I think he's just immature. I am certain that your body has changed a little from your pregnancy as all women do, so he might not see you the way he did before you were pregnant.
I guess your husband is also one of those guys that would rather drink a beer and watch football with his friends than spend time with his wife and family. I don't know why men like that even get married, or why women marry them.
2006-12-01 22:59:40 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
yes you should be worried. But I did read somewhere that after they witness the birth of a child they go through some serious emotional changes which leads to sexual withdrawal. On the other hand, you did say he does quickies, he may be cheating. Stop trying to come on to him. He sounds like he enjoys these sexual power trips, step back and reevaluate. Get some on the side, you say other than sex you guys get along great, so with that all of your voids will be filled.
2006-12-01 22:53:03 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
lol... you sound like me except i've been married for almost 10 years and i have 3 kids... 9, 5, and a 5 month old baby. my husband would rather go out and gamble all night than spend time with me too. and he is always wanting to have sex with me 5 mins not 15 mins before he goes to work...right now he's sleeping instead of having sex with me. anyway... the answer to your question.. is no... you should not be worried about it as long as he's not out cheating on you.
2006-12-01 22:56:20 · answer #7 · answered by ~dat~ 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
jenna: This is a typical problem in a lot of marriages; so, don't feel singled out. I doubt that he is running around on you but simply, is being selfish. Generally, in marriage, as the male ages, his sexual inclinations tend to fizzle out as he ages. Assuming of course, that he is still young and capable, he needs to devote himself more to you. His friends should take a back seat to you and the baby. He sounds to me, like he is still in the "single" mode and he would rather be with the boys instead. Tell him it's time to grow up and take on the responsibilities of a husband and father. His time would be far better spent with you and the child. Don't allow this issue with him to lapse but seek marriage counselling if that's what it takes to resolve this. Good luck to you "jenn" !
2006-12-01 23:00:54 · answer #8 · answered by guraqt2me 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You got an 8 week old baby honey, he's most likely scared to death. Was he there when the baby was born? Our men see in the delivery room what happens to the person the love and what we go through and it kinda freaks em out sometimes-don't worry -just give your honey time to adjust to things-it's a man thing -it's not you!!Hang in there!
2006-12-01 22:53:08 · answer #9 · answered by dodlydink 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Something is definitely wrong. You need to talk, see a counsellor if necessary. Some men have trouble with having sex after a baby because the way they view their wives in a different way. Did he see you give birth?
2006-12-01 22:59:20 · answer #10 · answered by vivmaiko 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋