Tonight I was able to sit down alone with her and I told her that, even though she says it is "no big deal" this is something that I believe is a real problem and that it is hurting our marriage. She turned to me with her big brown eyes begining to water and asked,"Are you going to leave me?" I immediately said, "Honey I would never leave you." and in a flash she was as cool and collected as a lawyer before the bench and said, "Then it can't be much of a problem, can it."
My question is primarily for the ladies, I believe I know what the men will say,,, Ladies,,, did I just blow this? I mean, does a guy have to threaten to go nuclear right out of the gate with something like this?
2006-12-01 14:36:13 · 19 answers · asked by MEL 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Mel, you're dealing with a pro, here. Don't be fooled. She just tipped her hand.
My question is, was she like this before you got married? That's a real question to be looked at. Because I KNOW men wine and dine women to get them and once they have them, there's no more wine. Are you wining and dining her?
2006-12-01 14:40:21 · answer #1 · answered by Ade 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I don't know the age of your wife but she sounds young. Why would you ever go nuclear on her. Your wife is suppose to be your best friend, sometimes we say stuff out of order but dang give a girl a break. You need to take a chill pill and talk to her about this with an open heart and not a closed one. Then when it's over and hopefully ending good. Hold her and tell her How much you love her and that no matter what things will work out for the right reasons. Then fall asleep with her in your arms,,No sexual advances, let her feel that's it's not all about sex.
2006-12-01 22:50:51 · answer #2 · answered by faith m 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think your wife needs a reality check and if you have to be cruel and threaten to leave her for her to wanna change things to make u happier and the marriage more romantic then that says alot about where her mind and heart is in the marriage. I think it is pretty sad and i am not tryin to jump to any conclusions but i would say she might even be cheating. I think u ought to give her an ultimatum and tell her if things dont change then u will leave. That u love her but u refused to spend the rest of ur life in a loveless sexless marriage. Even though u may not want to do that, it seems she needs the threat to get in line.
2006-12-01 22:46:39 · answer #3 · answered by exceptionallyexceptional 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need more help than you are going to find here. She has got to understand that sex is a huge part of marriage. If one of you were in an accident and couldn't that is one thing. But when she is able and just doesn't have the desire, she needs to see a Dr. She needs to understand how important it is to you...to any one...that when you love someone, that shows them how much you love them. You don't have to be all hot and horny (althoug that would help) You do it because you want to show them how much they mean to you and how much you love them. You could leave her and tell her as much as you love her, you can't live like this anymore. That would probably get her attention, but what about the next time. She's got to understand she does have obligations. She's looking at it like its drudgery, when in fact, it could be quite fun. When's the last time you two took a bubble bath? That always gets me going. I like to be real clean...and that's a perfect time. Please, take her to see a counselor. This is not how God wanted a marriage to be. You have a long life ahead of you. It would be so sad to have to spend it like that. Good Luck.
2006-12-01 22:50:28 · answer #4 · answered by Becky F 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't want to be mean but, is she attracted to you?
Have you lost or gained weight since you met?
Have you done something that she thinks makes you less of a man??
Has she asked you to do things that you've ignored? Sometimes what turns a man on, doesn't turn a woman on. If my hubby would help with things around the house that I can't do, it would make me SOOOO grateful!!!
Have you surprised her w/ a card, flowers or weekend away together?
Do you rub her back or kiss her neck?
I could go on.
The other alternative is, is she having sex w/ someone else?
I hope not, but it's a possibility.
Good luck!!
2006-12-01 22:50:55 · answer #5 · answered by Josi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it's a problem for you, so it's a problem for your marriage. Your wife is being a little bit selfish. She sees it as not a problem for herself, but isn't even thinking about you just as long as you won't leave her. You need to tell your wife that it's not a problem that would make you leave her, but it's definitely a problem for you. She may need her hormone levels check, her birth control pill switched or something else. Do you know why your wife has no sex drive? You and your wife will have to discuss this and it's certainly not 'for no reason'. It may be awhile.
2006-12-01 22:50:01 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have so hear of this many times women loose their sex drive and sometimes it's permanent sometimes it's just a thing that will come back between 29 and 45 mostly in their 40's. I guess it's a big thing because you still have a sex drive but to her you should love her sex or no sex I guess she wouldn't understand unless it was her wanting more and you holding out.
Have you got her looked at medically hormone levels etc Than try some of that horny goat weed or gojiberries...my husband slips goji juice in my tea...it works good luck and communicate.
2006-12-01 22:42:24 · answer #7 · answered by lol_des 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hmmmm, maybe her lack of sexual desire is less of a problem than her lack of concern for your feelings. If she is not interested in sex, and is not interested in talking about it, then you both might want to reconsider the marriage.
If something's a problem for one person in a marriage, it should be a concern for both partners.
And, buddy, if you're enough of a chump for the welling tears trick to throw you into "devotional" mode, she'll keep playing it. You might want to tell her that while you're not planning to leave her, if your marriage is going to be a non-sexual one, you may be looking elsewhere for what you aren;t getting at home.
2006-12-01 22:44:11 · answer #8 · answered by Ms. Switch 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Just because you wouldn't leave her doesn't mean it isn't a problem. Wow that would irritate me! You need to tell her that you love her and won't leave her but that it IS a problem for you and that just as she'd expect you to try and make her happy you expect the same in return. Good luck with that though!
2006-12-01 22:40:18 · answer #9 · answered by . 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
My husband has the same problem with me. Have you done something to make her this way? Maybe you have and you just don't know it. If you can't get threw to her then suggest counseling. She should say yes. At least your a guys whose trying with his wife and not just saying forget it and cheats.
2006-12-01 23:15:57 · answer #10 · answered by antwon c 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋