why does his family hate me?

Question

my fiance is hispanic and i am white. i understand that the cultural difference is a big issue but i mean i am trying! i'm learning spanish, learning his traditions ,and even learning how to cook mexican food! i am soooo polite to his mother father and sisters but they continue hate me....they constantly tell my fiance that we are not right for each other and that we should break up....they have even gone so far as to call me a slut,horror ect! which i AM NOT! he was my first real boyfriend and is my one and only ( i am faithful to him) so why do they hate me so much? oh i forgot to mention that they are from mexico(came 7 years ago)

Answer 1

Ah, feel the love!
33 years ago I met my wife. We have been married for 30 years.
She is Cuban, I am British.
When we dated, my parents looked at her like "the hired help.":
My wife-to-be parents looked at me as "but, he's not Cuban!"
(think movie; my big fat greek wedding. The dad is my wife's father).
To this day, 30 years later, neither side of the family get together with the OTHER side (my parents say "in America, we speak ENGLISH), her parents say "no comprende," and speak ONLY spanish to my wife. Never English to me.

So how do we BOTH handle 30 years of this? By realizing when we started dating, we were not dating the relatives. When we got married, we were not marrying the relatives! We live 1 hour away from both sides of the family. We go to their parties, we tell our families once a week how our life is, and THAT IS IT.

We EITHER would never try to impress, cook, learn to talk right, etc. for either sides because NEITHER side will bend, even a little, to accept the person from the "outside." That would only cause us pain and make us crazy.

Date your fiance. Marry your fiance. And when you have children, fully expect NEITHER side to welcome your children into either side of the family. We know, we have 1 son, and my wife's sister, who also married a "gringo" has two children. All three are rejected by the families. My wife's brother and my sister are the only ones that did it right; she married a white man, my wife's brother married a cuban. THEIR kids are acceptable in each side, but never both sides, of the family.

Good luck!!
'

Answer 2

Im mexican, born, raised and lived in mexico almos all of my life... here's my point of view..
Sadly, even if you're polite, learn to speak and cook, etc.. for them, you'll never know what it is to BE mexican (or any other latin american nationality), its not racism.. its about a way of life, having the 'rythm', getting the jokes.. older mexican people (who live outside mexico) like to talk a lot about their places where they used to live, the things they used to do.. no one understands that better than a mexican (or someone from their own country)... the traditions, the music, etc. They probably think u wouldnt understand and dont want to make the effort to teach u something that u would only learn by living in mexico or would take years to explain.. they dont hate u.. they just dont think u would fit .. so the only thing I can think of.. is.. if you love this guy.. stick with him, plan a trip to Mexico and learn some stuff being there, it'll probably create a bond with his family,, at least they're going to see you're trying and they will leave you alone.

I couldnt read all the story the british/cuban guy was talking about.. I stopped reading after the children part... for us.. u DO get married with the family too, there's always some party or reunion on sundays or for no particular reason u get togheter with your parents, if you got married, u take ur husband/wife and of course the kids.

Im on the other side of the story... last two boyfriends I've had are not mexican... Introducing them to my parents is stressfull because I want them to accept the guy im going out with and I can see they're very quiet and reserved when he's around... they dont feel free to say or do things the guy wont understand.. My mom always end up saying... if you like him, thats what it counts..

Answer 3

Well, I'd like to tell you that it's all going to be better one day. Maybe it will, maybe it won't.

I got married a year ago and my parents were polite to my fiance for the brief time we were engaged. After we got married, the sh*t hit the fan. In short, they started criticizing my husband. My mother's family is from Mexico. My mother wanted (wants) to tell my husband what to do. He continued to be polite to both of my parents until he just couldn't anymore. Other members of my family that married into it have similar experiences with their mother-in-laws in particular.

I don't know exactly what it is, some sort of territory thing, a test to see how tough you are, whatever. Mostly, I just see that they feel threatened by what they don't completely understand and can't control.

If your fiance is the only son, well, that's a loaded situation. There are a lot of expectations and other stuff attached to sons, they are especially overly protected by the women. Don't ask me exactly why that is, but this is what I've seen. There also may be a bit of jealousy in there somewhere, jealousy for attention, affection, whatever.

Sometimes feelings don't make sense. Do what you can to win them over, but don't let them step on you. Bring them thoughtful but small (or appropriate) gifts (food items, candy, stuff like that is good) when you go over. Also, how your fiance conducts himself makes a difference. Make him stand up for you.

Whatever you do, don't let them interfere in your relationship.

Answer 4

It could be a number of things, not even counting the ethnic difference. One, it could be nothing against you. Some parents think that no girl is good enough for their little boy. (If it wasn't you, they would be trashing the other girl.) It could be that they are very traditional and don't agree with your lifestyle. It could be something little that you work, not a member of the same religion as them, you smoke, or drink. Does you fiance have a sister that you could hang out with for a day and go shopping with (while you pick her brain as to why)? If not, you can try and explain to them that you feel there is a tension between you and them and would like to resolve it because you love their son very much.

Answer 5

Some cultural traditions far outweigh any politeness you can dish out to your prospective in-laws. It could be that they had already arranged a marriage and then you came along and broke their traditions...but I'm REALLY grasping for straws here. It could be that they're just a bunch of control freaks and you're "taking part of their family" away from them. maybe it's because they're not too happy about a half-race baby in the future messing up their family tree...who knows the things that goes on in the minds of such small minds like theirs. Just remember....you're marrying HIM, not them.

Answer 6

A person up a ways said that mexicans and whites getting married isn't too common???? LOL! Then he's clearly never ever been to southern California. It's VERY VERY common here. And also not a big deal at all to most of us.

Answer 7

I know how you feel. I am dating a mexican male...Im gay...so you can imagine they hate me doubly...and havent even met me. The fact I am a guy...and white. They seem to think that by sticking with thier race they are carrying on thier traditions and ...ethnicity. Thats how it is. Not necessarily wrong but just how it is. They believe "we" you and I..will stop all that. They will either get used to you and tolerate you, maybe even grow to like you...or they wont. You and your boyfriend will have to decide if you can live with "wont". Cant live for our families. Though they may think so.

Answer 8

You are white that's why. What do you expect? I guaranty you it will never last. I don't disagree with interracial couples. But those people are a different culture all together. If you want to be treated this way then stay and quit whining, or go out and find a person you have more in common with. When you marry someone you marry their family too.

Answer 9

you should probably discuss it with him and ask him if theres any reason why they dont like you...maybe back when you were still dating he told them something about you or anything that might have happened and they still cant get over it? If he doesnt have the answer then face them and ask them yourself. You're going to be part of the family soon, if theres anything bothering you and/or them, now its the time to clear things up. Good Luck!

Answer 10

Even when it comes down to family, there are times you're just going to have to make your own choices regardless of what they think. If you two are truly in love nothing should come between that, that includes soon to be parent in-laws who don't approve of you.