what do i need to do in our marraige?

Question

we have be married 11 years. have a wonderfull 5yo son, he is my bud we go everywhere and do everything. How do i get my wife to loose weight? she says its baby fat but the baby is 5. her dad comes to our house takes her and our sons clothes to there house washes folds and returns them, I told him not to touch mine. she wants to eat every evening at her mom and dads. and the house has stuff piled up old books, magazines, clothes etc. our sex life has gone from 3 times a month to maybe 1-2 a month. we both work full time jobs, she takes our son to shool, i pick him up, he stays with me at work. I take care of the dishes, keeping the yard work done, garbage taken out. my clothes washed, cars clean and vaccuming. i am not perfect! what am i missing. when i try to walk by and smack her on the butt she doesnt like it. or if i try to give her a hug she doesnt have time. what am i missing.

Answer 1

it just sounds like you two no longer have anything in common. maybe you should try counseling

Answer 2

She's experiencing a form of depression. You need to both attend counseling with a good, family-based counselor (christian counselors are usually very pro family). She doesn't realize she is depressed. Light exercise - start out by walking, riding bikes, going to the park and chasing a frisbee - use your son as an excuse if you need to. In the evenings start doing fun exercises with your son - nothing strenuous but he's old enough to learn the importance of exercise and taking care of oneself. Try to get your wife to join in. Crunches, stretching, etc. Once she starts exercising and getting fresh air she will start feeling better - there will be a snowball effect. As an Xmas gift buy her a certificate for a massage. Bring her awareness of her body up (but not in a cruel way - she has to re-realize vanity on her own).
As for the house . . . declare a day for donating, pitching, and reorganizing. The end of the year is a perfect time to donate esp. for tax purposes. As incentive tell her she can spend whatever extra amount you get back as a result of charitable contributions/donations any way she wants to. If that doesn't motivate her she's very disturbed!!!
After a couple of counseling sessions you should be able to sit down and talk to her (with or without the counselor present) about defining duties around the home, sex, the importance of maintaining a somewhat organized home, etc. Just be sure you are being fair. You stated that you both work full time jobs so you can't expect her to come home and do everything but she should at least pull her own weight.
I would also pick up a copy of Gary Chapman's 'The Five Love Languages'. It is often very enlightening for couples going through hard times.
I hope this helps - good luck. I know it won't be easy. She may be resistant and resentful at first but she will come around.

Answer 3

I am sure she knows she needs to lose weight. It sounds like she is depressed and can't seem to get things together anymore. There is some kind of underlying reason as to why she is turning to her Mom and Dad.

You need to really listen to what she is saying and she may be saying it in body language and not in exact words. See what she is needing because she is definitely missing *something*. Take time to give her the attention that your son is getting from you and not sexual attention. Give her time, talking with just you and whatever else she likes.

See how things are going with her job. Take it slow and easy and ease the truth out of her because she probably would want you to know whatever it is that is bothering her. Tell her things that you want her to know but keep YOUR worries and concerns to yourself for a while so she can have time to open up to you without thinking she is just going to have to get more added onto her full plate already. Even if YOU can't see any reason why she would be depressed, she could still very well be so.
After she opens up and \you understand a bit more about what is going on with her then you too -- can add on some concerns of yours and you two can talk things out and make some plans --some SOLID plans on making progress in your marriage and relationship.
11 years is a long time to invest and just keep hanging on for your returns....
Good Luck!

Answer 4

Sounds like she just might be going though depression. Try to talk to her. Let her know that you love and care about her very much. Try taking her out on a romantic date, just the two of you. Sex, should not be the goal at this point. She just needs you to be there emotionally for her. Try to remember back when you where romancing her, when you were still a "new couple". Try to revive the spark, take your time and be gentle with her, it sounds like she feels vulnerable right now, and has turned to her parents for a lot of support. I would give this a few months, then try to get her some counseling. Also, suggest she take up a new hobby. Sometimes a hobby can help to refocus and can take your mind off the problems. She obviously feels overwhelmed.

Answer 5

Your missing happiness for one thing.

How miserable you must be. I'm sorry you have to deal with that. I don't know your age group but I can tell you a few things about women. I figure that maybe 90% of American women struggle with their weight. Some have an eating disorder others have become too comfortable in their lifestyle and relationship while others really have no clue about nutrition.

Sounds to me like she is taking advantage of you big time. You are being mistreated my friend. Most men in your situation would have already started messing around. That's bullshit. If you have already asked her nicely to change some of these things and it hasn't helped then it time for you to put your foot down.

Answer 6

sounds like you are doing chores or things for her expecting things in return- she won't change just because you do things around the house. Also sounds like she is uncomfortable with her body, consumed with the children. She is a mom and that can be very draining! Try taking her away for the weekend out of the environment you are in. Try taking walks with her- DO NOT tell her she needs to lose weight because that will make her resent you and think you are not attracted to her. Encourage activities that involve physical activity but are not draining like exercise- try roller skating, ice skating, swimming, taking her out to dance, or massage. If you are concerned about her lack of motivation, or that she is getting "lazy and distracted" she might be depressed. Try REALLY listening to her when you ask her how she feels- she may just need to know that her emotional needs are met and then she will feel comfortable expressing her love through sexual intimacy. Women need to have their emotional needs met before most are willing to share their bodies- they need to feel that they are understood and comforted- than watch the fireworks!

Answer 7

She sounds lazy. Really lazy.

How about you? Are you out of shape? Maybe on the flabby side. Maybe she's a little depressed about what she got in the deal of marriage. Work on your body and yourself. You might be able to inspire her.

Answer 8

Maybe she is depressed. Not happy with herself or her wieght but does not have the energy to do anything because she is do depressed. Have you tried marriage counseling. Or join a gym and ask her if she will work out with you so your not doind it alone. Both will work.

Answer 9

because you made her feel insecure about the way she looks,do some light healthily suppers at home together, walks,or both join a gym. but be nice,she knows shes heaver.

Answer 10

dang ! she*s got it made ! ya*ll need to trade places for a while ! but do you harp on her about her weight ? you should love her no matter what size she is ! do you have the perfect body yourself ?