My best friend is in a quandry. She found out her husband met his ex because they had things to talk about concerning the kids and he didn't tell her because he was afraid she would get upset. Well now she's even more upset since he didn't tell her. Any ideas of what I can tell her?
2006-12-01 14:02:09 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm just hoping it is just about the kids. They are very friendly for being ex's.
2006-12-01 16:05:08 · update #1
Tell her to trust him or leave it alone
2006-12-01 14:05:03 · answer #1 · answered by shawnedamarks 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel your friends pain. My new wife at first was jealous of my ex, so I had a real hard time making sure I did not upset her. At first I tried just putting the notes in the book bag with my daughter but this seemed like a BAD idea.
So I told my wife that when it comes to dealing with my daughter and her mother It was something I had to do. I would sit down with my ex and have a cup of coffee with her to discuss issues that concerned our daughter.
Needless to say this took some getting use to but about once every two months we sit down for coffee and talk about our daughter. Am I interested in getting back with my ex OH HELL NO!, but I feel that to raise our daughter in some type of positive environment this has to occur.
My wife, now accepts this but at the start it was rough, and there were times I would have been better off just NOT telling her that we were having coffee.
Tell your friend that this will continue and it is a part of her husbands life before they met. It is an oblogation he has for the rest of his life. Have you friend just ask her husband to be open and tell her where they are going to meet to make sure it is public. That should reduce her fears.
It is NOT that he is trying to hide anything from her, he probably did not want to hurt her since she is not included in this part of his life.
Best of luck. I know it is a guys explaination, but it was what I have felt and gone through, consider it insight not an answer.
2006-12-01 22:46:45 · answer #2 · answered by ferretcoach 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your friend AND her hubby have to accept the fact that when there are kids with the " ex" then there is gonna be some communication between them in this regard. Hubby did a big dumb no-no......he should have told his significant other that him and his ex were meeting to talk over concerns about their children. Your friend is over reacting a bit.....he didn't SLEEP with his ex for crying out loud....they just talked....she needs to chill and he needs to open a line of communication . I suggest the hubby give some " Flowers" ( I like Roses for this ) and Dinner and some nice calm talking. Your friend needs to tell her hubby that she did a " knee jerk" reaction and she's sorry.
2006-12-01 22:12:01 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
keep a close watch, it could have been about the kids? did he say what they discussed? the ex may want him back or maybe shes hoping this would have caused a fight between husband and new wife, if you love him trust him just let him know in the future to let you know when there going to meet again....no mores secrets, and don't fly off the handle if he lets you know .if there"s kids involved they some times will have to talk..go with him and wait in the car.
2006-12-01 23:48:19 · answer #4 · answered by ♥ Becky ♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People are human, frail. Her husband did not tell her about the meeting because he wanted to avoid conflict or maybe protect her feelings. That happened a lot between people and she should examine her behavior in the past to find out why her husband has no trust in her. Because it desire to avoid same kind of her reaction, I do not know what she would do, to withhold information from her.
2006-12-01 22:49:06 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If they have trust, she shouldn't worry. This happens. You have to discuss things about the kids and if he thought she'd be upset, I can understand why he didn't tell her. I think he should have, but its nothing to get bent out of shape over.
2006-12-01 22:09:59 · answer #6 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No it's not ok. What's the point of marriage vows if they're not honored he made a commitment to her. the two became one flesh he has to include his wife. if the ex doesn't like it, too bad.
2006-12-01 22:06:04 · answer #7 · answered by kimmycat 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he should have told her in the first place. if she got upset after he told her, then it is her own problem, but she has every reason to be upset if he didn't tell her about it until a while later.
2006-12-01 22:04:47 · answer #8 · answered by marisha z 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that*s a crock ! weak excuse to go meet the ex ! the wife should always be around when the ex is around ! that way there is no confusion !
2006-12-01 22:07:53 · answer #9 · answered by Barbie 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Doesn't look good. Not sure why he felt he had to sneak to met his ex to see his kids, unless there is more to it then he is saying.
2006-12-01 22:07:34 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋