I'm in a mixed relationship and I love her very much and don't want her to break up with me. She has never met my parents and she wants to meet and spend christmas with my family, but my dad is racist and my step-mom isn't peticularly fond of black ppl either. So my question is,"How do I tell her that my family is racist without her wanting to break up with me?" (preferably I would want a black woman's opinion)
2006-12-01 13:57:32 · 8 answers · asked by allen 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
As a black woman, I would rather you tell me up front so that I can prepare myself when and if I actually meet your family. Your honesty would mean more to me than anything else. As another responder said, she is in love with you, not your family. Everyone has an idiot in the family. You can't be held accountable for your family's ignorance. By the way, most people, regardless of their race, are aware of the issues they will face when in a mixed relationship. You have to trust her and her love for you. Good luck to you sweetie, I hope it works out for you both.
2006-12-01 14:10:02 · answer #1 · answered by creole woman 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As u can tell I'm not black, but if u want my honest, sincere opinion, then I will give it to u. Open line of communication is the key to solve ur problem. Yes, I know, it's easy said then done. But if u love ur gf dat much, u wouldn't mind to go for an extra mile. Just talk over w/ ur parents, convince them dat a person's characters & personality has nothing to do w/ his/her race or ethnicity. Tell them how much ur gf make u happy & how much she's meant to u when ur feeling down or having a bad day. I'm glad dat u ask dis question, it tells me dat ur an open-minded person who's really about his gf. I wish u the best of luck & hopefully, parents will approve ur relationship.
Best of luck.
2006-12-01 22:08:29 · answer #2 · answered by Infinite 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, I am not a black woman ---- BUT-- My opinion is tell her the truth. If you love her very much then surely you don't want to cause distrust and have to hide things from her.
Simply tell her that your family is very set in their ways and they don't tend to support or accept other races. You don't have to tell her that it is JUST black people. If she would want to break up with you because of this then it is not YOU she wants to be with. If she wants YOU then it won't matter on other peoples opinions no matter who they are.
If she has never met the family, it probably should not be at Christmas. You should explain that you would indeed like her and them to meet but you need it to be at another time because of how your family would react.
Think about how you would want to be told something like this...wouldn't you want to know if her family hated guys who were brown haired....or whatever.....
You would obviously know she cared about you and wanted to be with you because she shared this information with you. Would you break up with her because of her family's opinion? If each of you guy's families really loved and supported you as individuals, then eventually they would see your true love and would have to accept the relationship .
2006-12-01 22:09:52 · answer #3 · answered by CrystalChaser 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell em that you love her, and that you're not gonna change your mind. You don't want their consent; you love your parents, and just want them you know you love your girlfriend.
I resent the fact that my own grandfather is racist, but I still love him. He's been there for me, and has instilled strength that has helped me be the man I am today. But that doesn't mean I'm going to inherit his flaws. Rather, I look at his flaws, and I'm able to see the kind of person that I *don't* want to be. Just tell your girlfriend that when you look at your parents, you don't see racists, but instead you see the people who shaped into who you are today, and stuck with you in heard times.
Love is tricky, and your girlfriend and parents may never love each other. But as long as they love you as much as you love them, then your heart must be satisfied.
2006-12-01 22:13:17 · answer #4 · answered by Jared C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm not black, but i've been in a mixed relationship before, so i'll share my past experience with you.
if she loves you, then she loves YOU for YOU, and not for your parents. but you should definitely tell her that your parents aren't 20th century when it comes to the interracial relationship concept and that she should be aware of the potential for some hositility.
conversely, your parents are YOUR parents, not hers. they should love you and respect you and respect what you've chosen for yourself. they don't necessarily have to like it, but they should at least be able to bite their tongue... if you're happy, they should be able to just be happy for you.
in a nutshell, you just need to tell your girlfriend AND your parents that neither party has to like the situation, but they need to tolerate it for your sake. it's one holiday, surely they can do anything for a couple days.
it's a tough situation your in, man... hope it works out for the best.
2006-12-01 22:05:09 · answer #5 · answered by brooke44 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I AM MEXICAN AND I THINK YOU SHOULD JUST BE HONEST WITH HER. IF SHE LOVES YOU SHE WILL UNDERSTAND. YOU SHOULD BE HONEST WITH YOU PARENTS ALSO. THEY MAY SHOCK YOU. IF THEY LOVE YOU THEY WILL BE HAPPY THAT YOU ARE HAPPY.
2006-12-01 22:06:17 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
that sucks
2006-12-01 22:02:57 · answer #7 · answered by Madison 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that hard
2006-12-01 22:06:07 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋