me and my boyfriend were talking one night and he mentioned something about secrets and asked me if i had a secret . i didnt want to lie to him so i said yes. he asked me what it was , but i didnt want to tell him for numerus reasons. my secret is that when i was little i was sexually molested. no one else knows.but i have to tell him.id tell him , but hes friends with the guy who did it . and on top of that the guy who did it , im related to and hes got a kid and a baby on the way. its not that i dont trust my bf . its that if it ever got out id die . how do i tell him..im scared he might not like me after words pleasee no dumb answers
2006-12-01 13:31:11 · 16 answers · asked by status_sweet 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
also , im 13
2006-12-01 13:32:14 · update #1
my boyfriend is 16
2006-12-01 13:43:23 · update #2
Thats a can of worms. What to do? If you tell him its going to come out and everyone will know.
2006-12-01 13:35:24 · answer #1 · answered by us citizen 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to confide in someone you trust and you need to stay away from the person that did it as it is very unhealthy for you. There is no reason to share this information with your boyfriend. Your 13 you will have a lifetime of boyfriends as you grow. Your boyfriend is friends with the man that did this to you??? How old is your boyfriend???
Your a bit young to have a boyfriend and you should talk to your parents or guardian so you can get counseling.
2006-12-01 21:38:06 · answer #2 · answered by HereweGO 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I have a secret too, and I know that secret eats away at you and eats away at you and you start to live in fear of the truth. Don't live in fear. What happened, happened, and if the truth "comes out in the wash," so be it. If this guy truly loves you, he will understand and protect you. If you tell him, make sure you are both alone and there are no distractions (phone, other people around, etc.). Good luck; I will pray for you.
2006-12-01 21:37:09 · answer #3 · answered by DMBthatsme 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should tell him but on the other hand, than you'll have to relive what happened and you shouldn't have to. It's not fair to you.
Also, if he knows who is he going to tell? It could cause a huge problem in the family.
I think you should tell him if it means that much to you, but if it's something you'd rather not just explain that you would rather not talk about it until you are comfortable with it and right now you're not.
Assure him it's not something that is going to break you two apart.
2006-12-01 21:36:58 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
secerts can ruin everything if you love your boyfriend very much you should tell him. you shouldn't be ashamed of it it's not your fault. I told my husband when we were dating because he would ask after sex why I would shake so bad, so I told him and felt the world was lifted off my chest. I was molested from the age 4-15 by my mother's father and father's brother and by many cousins female and male kept it a secert till I was 16 when I finally went overboard.
2006-12-01 21:40:59 · answer #5 · answered by Amanda B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it depends on where your relationship with him is going. If you trust him and feel that your relationship is special, then tell him. A partner should feel like a friendship. Also, it depends on where you are in your life at this time with self. Make the most of your decision because you only have one chance at this very moment.
2006-12-01 21:41:09 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
for 1. you are still a little kid and a very scared one at that and for 2. you are leaving a wide open space for your attacker to do it again to another child. 3. tell your parents if they are available to speak to about it and just know that things will get handled. and last but not least 4. If your boyfriend changes his feelings about you over that then he is not worthy of you.
2006-12-01 21:37:49 · answer #7 · answered by just lil ol' me 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
okay so i just had to tell my fiance that i was molested when i was little by my cousin so i get where your coming from. look all you have to do is open up to him yah its hard and very scary but let him know that your afraid he won't understand and that you are telling him because you want an honest open relationship. if he still don't get it then sweetie he really isn't worth it oh and tell him you don't want it to get out if he can't respect your wishes and understand how important this secret is to you then he don't deserve you!!!
2006-12-01 21:37:35 · answer #8 · answered by bjames_0050 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all if he loves you then, he loves you no matter what the past holds. as far as if you should tell him or not is up to you. ask yourself how would he react to his friend or do you trust him not to tell any one. i would probably keep it to myself for now and just feel it out. you'll know when the time is right. good luck
2006-12-01 21:37:42 · answer #9 · answered by just me 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, this is a tough situation here. you really should express yourself to your boyfriend. most likely he will support you all the way. good luck and i hope everything works out for you!!!
2006-12-01 21:42:10 · answer #10 · answered by cows_go_moo_7x 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋