I have two wonderful young children, both under 3 years of age, and I just found out my wife is pregnant again. The doctor had put her on a different birth control pill than she usually used, due to changes in our prescription drug plan, and this new baby is definitely an "oops." The problem is I DON'T WANT another baby, and I feel horrible for feeling that way! Abortion is not an option because we're both pro life. Adoption is out too. I'd never give up my own flesh and blood. So this baby is coming, like it or not. The advice I am looking for relates to how to develop a better attitude about it, and stop feeling so depressed over the whole notion.
2006-12-01 13:11:42 · 15 answers · asked by Stretchy McSlapNuts 3 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
Wow, wasn't expecting this many great responses so soon. Thanks, folks. I feel better already! My two existing children are girls, and I kind of hope my third is a little girl too. There's nothing better than the feeling I get when I come home from work and my oldest daugther runs to the door to greet me, smiling and screaming "DADDY'S HOME!" I guess I was just worried about how hard it is when your kids outnumber you, and the fact that we're going to need a bigger house, etc. Our first two kids were perfectly "planned." They followed our "program" to the letter. This third one, however, is throwing us for a loop.
2006-12-01 13:37:33 · update #1
P.S. How did I end up marrying the one woman who is as fer-tile as the entire Tennessee Valley? LOL.
2006-12-01 13:40:09 · update #2
Don't sweat it, let go of the guilt. Our first son was such a wonderful kid, we decided nothing could be so perfect and we only wanted one. Andrew (the oldest) walked at 6 months, talked in sentences at 14 months, and even potty trained himself at a year and a half. He and I are very close, he emulates everything I do... I just could not imagine loving anyone as much as I do him, and I didn't want it to be unfair...
Imagine my surprise when I got pregnant again. I was pretty upset most of the pregnancy, and even on a subconcious level distanced myself from Andrew a little. I felt so guilty all the time, but that didn't improve my attitude, it just made me bitter. But, when Aidyn was born (a year ago this week), the moment I held him and he looked in my eyes, I felt that same thing I did when Andrew was born. You already love the child, or adoption wouldn't seem so far fetched. Love grows with time, so if you already care, think how great the love will be by the time you can gaze at that sweet face and hold those tiny fingers...
Just take this time, instead of focusing on the unexpected changes, to bond a little more with the other two. Start a new tradition of taking them out around what will be the babies nap time later on... Establish separate "date nights" with the older girls so they will see that the new baby will not change your lvoe for them. And again, just wait. You'll see that no matter how much of your heart you give away, it always stays whole with more to give!!! Good luck, and congratulation on the new baby!!! ♥
2006-12-04 01:39:36 · answer #1 · answered by ♥ Butterfly ♥ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Iwell, there's obvioiusly a battle going on inside of you---on one side the very strong feeling that you do NOT want another child and on the other, your conscience telling you that it's wrong to feel that way. One or the other has to win, and the one that wins is going to be the one that you feed. Do not feed the feeling telling you it's not good and not wanted. Do not think about all the negatives you associate with having another baby. I know this sounds easier said than done, but it's a matter of training yourself at first. When you find yourself focusing on a negative, STOP yourself from doing it. Purposely focus on something wonderful about your current 2 kids. Take 5 minutes when you find yourself thinking negative things and write down a great memory or experience you'd had with one of your kids, or both, or with your wife or with all of them. Consciously remind yourself of how wonderful having a family is. Adding more wonderful to that equation can't be a bad thing, can it? Keep a journal of all the good things your kids have brought into your life and remind yourself that this 3rd one will do the same. remind yourself it's an innocen little life that needs love just as much as your first 2. Remind yourself that being pro-life doesn't just mean anti-abortion, but it means pro-LIFE--giving that child a great life. And that means being happy about it's existance, not bitter about it.
As I said, your feelings are your feelings, and you can't change them overnight (however, God can, so if you're a Christian, I'd encourage you to pray about it right now!) so you're going to have to initially train yourself to associate good thoughts with the new baby. Imagine all the wonderful things you'll do with it thorughout it's lifetime.
Good luck---I hope the little one arrives safe and sound and happy and loved.
2006-12-01 13:20:11 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, it sounds like you're having a hard time and it's no wonder you're feeling ambivalent. Maybe try to be gentle with yourself about the feelings. Sometimes if you try really hard not to feel some way, you end up getting almost obsessed by the feeling. It's okay to have mixed feelings at first, as long as you don't take it out on your family, which I'm sure you wouldn't do.
You could also try thinking about some of the best moments of when your kids were smaller and imagine how they'll take to a new baby. When I feel confused about something, I often write in my journal. Every day, I try to write some things I'm grateful for even if they're small. Then I write about any mixed up feelings I have. I often am in a better frame of mind after. I wish you and your family (and your new addition!) all the best!
2006-12-01 13:19:56 · answer #3 · answered by cotopaximary 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
so many people have a hard time conceiving
it is hard to feel bad when you think you should feel blessed
God doesn't "plan" your life and bring children into your life you did not desire, that's just NOT how He works
do understand that this child is one of God's children, and you are the perfect parent for him
here is a chance to correct mistakes you may have made with your first two
your wife needs you to be strong and you will feel better having taken the chance to be there for her
this is a life that you can shape into a beautiful human being
you will have ups and downs thoughout his life and you get to be there to show him the way to love and joy
look at it as an opportunity to make the world a better place by raising this child to be a positive force in the world
one man does make a difference
i tried not to use "catch phrases", and just shared my heart
you are blessed, turn "lemons into lemonade"
2006-12-01 13:25:29 · answer #4 · answered by whacky doodler 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How did you feel when you saw your other childrens faces for the first time? I'm hoping you felt overwhelmed with love. Just think that this is one more child to make happy, one more child who is loved, and one more child who grows up well, when there are so many children who don't have those things. Like you said this kid is your own flesh and blood, and you would never give him up.
2006-12-01 13:23:09 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
some years decrease back I saved a Praying Mantis as a puppy, and that they only consume stay nutrients! hence, I obtained the skill of gently shooting stay flies in flight, or off any floor, so as that i could feed my Mantis uninjured and lively prey. maximum moving incident exchange into late one night whilst on arrival homestead i found my Mantis laying off its pores and skin. I watched, enthralled, for over an hour and that i shall in no way forget seeing my Mantis progressively make bigger and unfold its variety new rainbow-shimmering wings. next day I released it onto a grapevine in my backyard, a similar backyard wherein I subsequently discovered a swarm of very tiny, those days hatched mantids! they are the cutest little creatures you're able to ever think of.
2016-10-04 15:01:06 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't feel so guilty. ok its not your fault its the prescription the doctor gave her. but your going to have to learn to love your children no matter if you wanted them or not. having a new baby in the house is going to be nice. you'll have all the memories back from being a dad the first time. and you will grow to love the new member like you love the other two.
2006-12-01 13:22:50 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
you know what you said you are pro life and you said that y ou could never give up one of your own so that sounds like you are a very good daddy and not just everyone can be a daddy so i am betting you that when this baby is born and you look at it you will fall so much in love with him/her that you will forget that you ever felt this way.. good luck and congrads
2006-12-01 13:24:00 · answer #8 · answered by crazyme 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Life throws you punches you just have to take them Like a Man! and go with it. You always have to believe that there is a good out come on a bad beginning.
2006-12-01 13:15:21 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sue the doctor for prescribing such a pill! Money always makes things better.
2006-12-01 13:15:33 · answer #10 · answered by identity crisis! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋