Crimson tears flow in rivers from her eyes,
her pain and anguish no longer disguised.
Cocaine and heroin her only escape,
sex for money....prostitution or rape?
beaten and bruised with nowhere to run
no one can help her, face to face with a gun!
Written by: Me!
2006-12-01 12:01:29 · 10 answers · asked by Zenobia420 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
Not all poems need to be written with ryming ending in your lines
try a strong line break instead.
i like the words though
they flow
and have a lot of meaning
2006-12-01 12:03:42 · answer #1 · answered by sss_underrehabilitation 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
It contains a lot of cliche imagery, very morbid, and depressing.
Try to write something happy and hopeful, maybe something about hopping bunnies, fuzzy kittens, or marmelade spread on buttery toast.
Seriously, much of the concrete imagery which you used in your poem is overused imagery from 1000's of other poems. See if you can say the same things, only with more originality.
What kind of gun was she face to face with? Describe it...make the reader 'feel' the gun poking her in the forehead.
What color bruises did she have, were they 'strawberry stains'?
Get the picture?
2006-12-01 20:06:49 · answer #2 · answered by somewherein72 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Wow, that's nice. I write some dark poems to, alhough urs is a bit ddarker, XP. Anyways, it's good. But quite... straightforward, nothing hidden in it, as far as I can see at least. Everything is said.
2006-12-01 20:09:40 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bravo! Your definitely should become a professional poet ( If not already.)
2006-12-01 20:03:48 · answer #4 · answered by Jeremy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Really good. I usually don't like dark poems but yours is really really good!
2006-12-01 21:39:49 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it has alot of meaning and gets the point accros
2006-12-01 20:09:52 · answer #6 · answered by everyxthing 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
luv it!
very existential-ish
2006-12-01 20:07:23 · answer #7 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you sound like my older sister, all dark
2006-12-01 20:03:55 · answer #8 · answered by gaby 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's really good.
2006-12-02 03:16:28 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
whoa, it felt like a song.
2006-12-01 20:02:51 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋