My girlfriend has been tremendously supportive. She is older, her kid is already grown and out. My son is 9, and I'm still mid divorce. Last week, he took a video game out of her house, (for the video game she bought so he would have something to do when he visited). We've been together about a year, living seperately. We were supposed to go to a party tomorrow, (something we've been planning for a long time) and she does not want to see either him, nor me. She wants to spank him, and I told her she can't due to the custody agreement. (no corporeal punishment). I don't know if I should say "sorry, but he's 9, he screwed up, why are you angry at me?" Or basically realize that she's never going to want to be with me and the kid full time. I don't blame her for being angry. Is she over-reacting? I don't know quite what to do...
2006-12-01 11:56:46 · 18 answers · asked by Sad-Dad 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Btw, I am all for punishing him, and letting her have input on this. I'm not certain how to deal with this.
2006-12-01 11:58:08 · update #1
I'm all for her having input on his punishment, and for him apologizing, and making right on his misdeeds. I don't want him to disrespect her in anyway.
2006-12-01 12:15:27 · update #2
And he did take the game after being told not to, by her and me.
2006-12-01 12:16:39 · update #3
So, why not take away his video game machine? He STOLE the game, so he could play it at home right? So, let him have NO game. Yes, divorce is rough on kids. But, don't buy into some "excuse his actions" mode, because you are divorcing. A 9 year old knows that stealing is wrong. He stole. Now, as for you and your girlfriend. She may well have serious doubts about your relationship. Face it. Your son is giving her good reason to worry. Perhaps you might try to give her a little time away from you and all the crap you are going through, and concentrate on your son. Call her and tell her that you need to get things straightened out with your son, so you two need to put things on hold. After a little time, try asking her out. It's probably your best chance. Good luck.
2006-12-01 12:52:55 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
From the start I can understand why she is angry. She did buy the game for his use and if he wanted to "borrow" the game to use at your house he should have asked first. Hopefully, this is not a sign of what he plans to do in the future. I would not fully consider this "stealing'" but it can be viewed this way. If possible, I would attempt to resolve the issue with an apologyfrom both you and your son to your girlfriend. I do agree there should be a small punishment. Punishing too harshly will cause anger in your son and he may drift away from any relationship you have with him. Maybe taking away all games for a few days is in order. I do not believe in assaulting a child with spanking at all. I am happy to hear this issue is addressed in the custody agreement papers. I wish you the best in resolving this issue and hope my advice was helpful.
2006-12-01 12:16:48 · answer #2 · answered by maverickisback2005 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps give her a little time to cool down and apologize to her. She does have to understand that this is a tough time for him, and it's understandable he'd like to have something that he can take with him to all the households in his life (at least 3 households? maybe more?). Also have a separate meeting with your son to explain the situation. When (and if) he's and she's ready have a family meeting- sort of a mediation- where the child can apologize and the ground rules be laid down. Respect is important, and it has to go both ways.
The tougher thing is to realize your son may not be ready for you to have a girlfriend. Really think long and hard about that and see if you need to make some tough decisions for his sake.
2006-12-01 12:12:20 · answer #3 · answered by Twin momma as of 11/11 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It does sound like this is the straw that broke the camels back. Was your son under the impression that the game was for him, so it was ok to take it away from her house. You didn't say if your son misbehaves regularly - but maybe she does have a different idea of how to discipline him. Making him apologise to her regardless of if you get back together or not, would be a decent thing to do.
I've just read super psych above this answer - take note of it, I think she's on the ball.
2006-12-01 12:13:10 · answer #4 · answered by Agony Aunt 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he has started stealing at this young age and gets away with it, he may end up a common thief, you dont have to bust his a** to get his attention. I would have a good long talk with him, tell him how bad it is to steal something and ground him for a week or so. No TV, no nothing except his homework and see how this works out. Tell your g/f what you have done to punish him and maybe she will understand, if not, move on to someone who can understand a 9 yr old boy. Good luck.
2006-12-01 12:11:34 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is not the woman for you, or for your son to be around. Kids do these things, no, it doesn't make it right, but as parents we do our best. Spanking a child is not the answer to solving anything, let alone her spanking your child. As she has had a kid, you'd think she'd be a little more understanding.
2006-12-01 12:10:27 · answer #6 · answered by Carey L 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your girlfriend has a righ to be angry, and at nine yeards old you know that stealing is wrong. Apologize to her, have your son do so as well. Let your son explain to her that he understands that what he did was wrong and he wont ket it happen again. Let her know that it wont ever be appropiate for her to physical hit your child. If she doesnt accept your apology its time to move on.
2006-12-01 12:02:44 · answer #7 · answered by tysexy25 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Dude your gf has some serious issues...for one your son probably thought the game was his to do with what he wants...if he wanted to take it home he thought he could...if it wasnt told to him, then he wouldnt know any better...i would ask her if any of her grown children made a mistake...if she tells you no then know she is lying through her teeth...seems to me like its time for a new gf, cause this one isnt worth it...its a package deal no matter how you look at it.
2006-12-01 12:07:20 · answer #8 · answered by Sean 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
She's way over reacting. He's just 9, he thought it was his. She is not being realistic, or is just looking for an excuse. And kudos for you to say no to her spankin him, that's not her place. She obviously isn't that serious, and is trying to find a way out. She shouldn't be making your son her excuse. Speak to her one on one and then make your decision. I hope you and your son work things out. Good luck.
2006-12-01 12:02:21 · answer #9 · answered by WifeandMom 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Have your son apologize and return whatever he took. Geez hes 9. So she bought him a game and he can't even take it? Thats lame of her to get mad... Tell her to chill out. I think shes overreacting. But if you want to try and patch things up, have him apologize and try to talk to her. Good luck with that one.
2006-12-01 12:03:45 · answer #10 · answered by Mz.H 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋