My friend just suffered a miscarriage at 9 weeks. She told me that people said insensitive comments to her after finding out about her miscarriage.
They said things like this, “Well, its probably for the best.” and “You can always try again.” She said hearing that made her feel worse.
Did anyone say insensitive comments to you after a miscarriage?
2006-12-01 10:07:00 · 14 answers · asked by PrettyWifey 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
My boyfriends grandmother asked me if I had done something to cause the miscarriage to happen.
I thouhgt it was rather rude of her to ask...seemed like she was almost insinuating something.
2006-12-01 10:10:16 · answer #1 · answered by timberleigh 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
They said things like that to me, but it didn't offend me, because truth be told, a miscarriage IS for the best. Scientifically speaking, miscarriage usually happens when there's a major abnormality in the fetus. It truly is for the best.
You can always try again, but many people don't understand how difficult it is to work past the fear of risking another miscarriage once you start getting excited about the pregnancy. Sometimes, it takes a few years for a woman who has suffered through a miscarriage to be ready to "try again", but the truth is there... You CAN try again.
People who haven't been there, though, don't need to say it. It IS insensitive if the person handing out the comment cannot truly sympathize.
2006-12-01 10:42:58 · answer #2 · answered by <3 The Pest <3 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think people are deliberately being cruel. People said a whole lot of insensitive things to me which apparently were supposed to make me feel better. I found that either being honest and telling them that there comments are not helpful or just ignoring them worked the best. If only people would understand that a simple "I'm sorry for your loss" is enough. I think the key in what you said was that your friend "suffered" a miscarriage. Suffered. Just offer sympathy because she is suffering. People sometimes are just insensitive idiots who do mean well.
2006-12-01 15:50:28 · answer #3 · answered by Michelle 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that people just don't know what to say or how to react so they try to see the positive side. Of course when it is happening it is the most crushing thing ever!! We tried for 3 yrs and then I was so elated we were pregnant but when I miscarried, I wanted to die. (I now have a beautiful 5 mo. old) It also reinforced to me that 3 month rule. I don't know how far along your friend was but they say you shouldn't announce before 3 months b/c 1/4 of all pregnancies end in M/C. I had only told my family and closest friends. They didn't say insensitive things like what happened to your friend but I knew they didn't know what to say either. Could it be that people who said those things do not have kids and therefore, didn't realize how painful it is.
I know that I told myself those things so I could get through it but that's different.
2006-12-01 10:21:29 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I got the same comments. Along with "It must have been meant to be". These comments hurt me terribly too. It made me feel as though I did something to deserve it, although, I know better now. I would have been a great mother to my baby, just like I am with the one I have and the one I'm going to have within the next week. Reassure your friend that they just don't understand and that it wasn't her fault (unless it was).
2006-12-01 10:44:39 · answer #5 · answered by Violet 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry your friend has to go through this! It's hard enough having a miscarriage let alone having to hear disheartening comments. Sometimes people just aren't as sensitive as we'd like or expect them to be!
2006-12-01 10:19:43 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
they don't mean to be insensitive it just a super hard time for her right now so anything that someone says is wrong, i know i went through it. but the worst thing was the person who had many abortions (more then 3 that i had been told of) had the audacity to tell me that they knew what i was going through!
2006-12-01 10:11:52 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The most insensitive thing ever said not to me but to my fiance was "There is NO way that this could have been your baby anyway." We hadn't been dating very long and I got pregnant the very first time we had sex. Even though he was the only man I had ever been with, his mom didn't think I could be pregnant by him. She didn't say this to me. She told him and he told me after we had our second child together.
2006-12-01 10:11:09 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes, people said that to me over and over! I know they didn't mean it negatively. In a way I think they are trying to be encouraging. They always told me- you have lots of time to try for another baby, or that's what God wanted. I tried to take it in the best way, but to be honest that's not what I wanted to hear at all!
2006-12-01 10:13:31 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes..some people just don't think before speaking.
My ex, who was 28 at the time, asked me why I was crying. That is why he is now my ex.
My best friend, who was 34 at the time, yelled at me and told me it was my fault for being so stressed out and shocked when I found out I was pregnant (had been on the pill for 10 years at that point.)
2006-12-01 10:17:04 · answer #10 · answered by Michelle 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yep I got the same remarks. Ofcourse people dont know what to say and those things are the easiest things that comes out of peoples mouth. I hated people saying them to me, but I didnt expect any better. It will eventually get easier as times passes to deal with it
2006-12-01 10:10:23 · answer #11 · answered by Kaliyah's here! 4-30-08 7lb 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋