My husband left me on Oct. 18..?

Question

we hadn't been getting along great, but it wasn't so bad that I ever thought that he'd leave. He won't even talk to me now about repairing our marriage. He just say's he doesn't know if he loves me anymore, but he isn't in a hurry for a divorce. I am blown away we've been married for 15 years and have 3 kids ages 15,12 and 4. The only reason that I can get from him is that I didn't help him discipline our sons and that my parents were to involved in our relationship. What should I do? Also he is 36 started to go bald and put on some weight and had to have 2 fingers amputated..could this be related to self esteem? He had said a month before he left after friends of ours were getting divorced that he is so glad we aren't in that situation..he would hate to be in the dating scene and couldn't be without me. I'm so confused.

Answer 1

wow he may be going threw a mid-life crisis, as its called, but that is no excuse, heck we women might get dissatisfied with certain things, but we dont walk out on our families,,,,,, its been my experience that if he says he doesnt know if he loves you anymore, then he doesnt love you, not in the man/woman sense,,,, i know its upsetting, but dont make excuses for him,, balding nor loss of fingers, is an explanation for this........ think what you would do, if you went threw some physical things and perhaps had self esteem issues,,,,, would you walk out? i think not, and you deserve as good back as your willing to give,,,,,,,, write him off, dont leave the option open for him to come back, for while right now you think you want him/need him, what he has done has blown your relationship away,,,,,,,its almost impossible to get it back,,,, once you are over being hurt and confused and upset, you will be angry,,,,,, a deep in your soul anger,,,, which you will want to direct at him,,,,,,

Answer 2

You are right, your husband's lack of self esteem could be the main issue here. When he said you didn't help to discipline the kids and your parents are interfering too much, there could weight in those words. Perhaps you might want to analyze his words deeper. I can't help you right now because only you know your past better than anyone else.

My guess is your husband's resentment could be triggered by your treatment towards him. He could be feeling small right now and the last thing he needs is criticism and rejection from you, your kids or your parents.

You also mentioned that your husband couldn't live without you. If that's the case, you could really win your husband over again but do it gently. The last thing a man with a bruised ego needs is being forced to do things against his will. Good luck!

Answer 3

Unless and until he is ready to talk there is no way to repair this. The question is - do you even want to? The man just walked out without any discussion. Pretty rotten. Get yourself a lawyer. You don't have to go for a divorce if you aren't ready for that - but you should seek legal separation so that he is legally obligated to pay child support and his share of the bills. Both of his issues (discipline and parental interference) are biggies and can destroy a marriage. If you do end up divorced and ever hope to remarry keep that in mind.

Answer 4

I'm sorry to hear your world is upside down right now. If you husband isn't actively seeking a divorce, just get a court ordered child support and spousal support payment to keep you ok in the money department. then let him have his space. he may try dating, which is an affair if you aren't legally, through the courts, separated. he may see how hard life is out there on his own and return. But listen and act on what he said. Do you parents meddle too much? How do you think you should discipline your sons to your husband's satisfaction. Is he correct? then tell him so.

Answer 5

i'm not announcing this to be propose i'm announcing this to different young ones who think of it rather is a great theory getting married at an exceedingly youthful age. seem at this question because of the fact maximum marriages do not artwork once you get married youthful. You the two have been thank you to immature to be married. You cheated then he cheated. You call this lady he's with a chum oh no she is a snake. he will at last cheat on her to boot. so some distance as you. safeguard your self and that toddler. Be the main suitable Mommy you will nicely be. After the toddler is born be certain you greater desirable your self and the two pass back to college or get a sturdy interest. you would be a unmarried discern and not something incorrect with that. do not rush into yet another dating. in case you have intercourse with all and sundry be certain you steer clear of being pregnant. After awhile after the toddler is sufficiently previous have your mothers and fathers watch your toddler some nights a month and function the time of your life being unmarried. You get yet another possibility why not stay it up. i'm not announcing pass out and function intercourse everywhere not that throughout any respect. pass out with your pals do relaxing issues. it isn't the tip of you life in actuality it rather is a brand new initiating.

Answer 6

Well this happens to more people than you think, my friends were married for over 35 yrs before they got a divorce. SO don't fret over that and yea he got his self esteem real low when something like that happens. So keep trying to see if you can save your marriage but if you can't the best thing to do is leave.

Answer 7

If it is true what you say about your parents being to involved in the marriage and you did not discipline the boys in a way he was pleased then all those factors could be adding to his leaving. But I believe there is more to the story, I suggest you check yourself to see if you where doing everything in the marriage you should have been doing to make the marrige work. Not what things you wanted to do, or what things your parents taught you to do, but the things your husband was begging you to do.

Answer 8

Definitely sounds like self esteem issues coupled with something else. There may be issues to resolve in your marriage and the only way that can happen is if the both of you work it out. One person can't fix it all. You're going to have to ask him what is needed to be done to resolve this.

I wish you the best.

Answer 9

Where's he staying?

Be tough. As hard as it is, don't act devastated when you talk with him. Act as if you almost don't care. Never cry in front of him.

This "not in a hurry for a divorce" thing is odd and not fair to you at all. Either he wants a divorce or wants to work it out. From your description of his appearance it doesn't exactly sound like he's out on the prowl for a better deal or has a girlfriend, but you never know. He might want to see if something else works out before divorcing you...which is bull.

I'd serve his butt with divorce papers, if he wants one you were going to get one anyway - if not, that'll at least bring him around to talk.

Answer 10

I know it will be hard, but you should try to give him his space. It sounds to me like he still loves you, but he is going through something. He is probably feeling really unsure about himself, due to his appearance and possibly getting older. All of this is probably making him unsure of you and what he wants out of life. He may even be thinking if he no longer loves and respects him self how can you? So he may be trying to remove himself of the situation because he is afraid you may want to leave him.
I think for a little while you should give him his space and let him figure himself out, but make yourself available to him if he wants to talk make sure you are there for him. Assure him that you love him no matter what are you will help him and support him through anything. I think he will come around. Good luck!